Joslyn

As I contemplate my next move, I'm trying to figure out how to best protect the assets. I make about 4/5 times my AH's salary and I receive a sizable bonus every year in January. If I move that bonus money directly into our 12 year old's college fund, will it be subject to splitting it and sending it to AH as part of a divorce settlement?

Also, if my AH has had no current DUI's, but had several 20 years ago, can I use that to ask for supervised visitation for my 12 year old? I do NOT want him to drive my son anywhere. I am not sure if a judge throws out 20 year old history.

I already am starting to resent that while emotionally it would be better to separate/eventually divorce, I have to be "ok" cutting him a sizeable check (1/2 of my 401K and retirement, stocks etc.), and it will be my 12 year who pays because I REALLY do not want to take out college loans and cutting checks to AH is the LAST thing I want to do (I think this is the gone from numb/confused detachment to anger stage ughhhh).

I don't know if I have to courage to come to terms with taking a huge financial hit/lifestyle (80% attributable to my hardwork) and my kids will pay for it in the long term with no more boat, no more lake, no more of the lifestyle. I need to stay focused and hope that I can make positive, new experiences for them, like traveling etc. But how do I let go of the fury that I feel because I just don't want to hand over 1/2 of my life's work both in the way of financially and my 12 year old subject to hand offs on weekends. This is so hard......

suki44883

You should speak with legal counsel about this. Laws differ depending on the state, so no one here would know how to answer your questions.

alole

I don't think a college fund can be split. I mean if your grandmother left money to your child and then you guys divorced I don't think your child's money could go to your husband's so can a college fund? That is for the kids, I would think they would stay away from it.

grammyb

I spoke to an attorney today. Thankfully, my children are grown. It all depends on the laws in your state. I know I live in a 50/50 state. Despite the fact that I have saved for years and he has spent on alcohol and doesn't have a dime to his name, means nothing. I will have to give him half of my annuities and investments. I know that ,money will be gone in a year.i also will not be able to retire when I thought (next year ) nor will I have the lifestyle I am use to but what I will have is peace, serenity, no more emotional abuse, emotional and physical health and self respect. Money cannot give you that..I worked hard to overcome the money that I was going to have to give him. You'll figure it out too.

dollydo

It varies from state to state, I would talk to an attorney, go from there.

Thumper

It is a hard pill to swallow. I have no regrets.

You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it is worth it.

DMC

I have 2 more years of alimony (total of 4), but I keep thinking of where I'd be if I stayed. Well, aside from crazy. Financially, living with an alcoholic is nearly as expensive as divorcing one.

I ended up keeping my sizeable student loans, he got his. I got my car, he got his. I got my sizeable retirement funds, and he got his. I got both upside down houses, and he got alimony for a few years. We mediated, and I had an awesome lawyer help guide me through the process. Yes, it was expensive. But it was worth every penny. At one point he asked for more of my retirement. My lawyer countered that since I was assuming 95% of the debts, I wanted 95% of *his* retirement. It worked, and he backed off.

Lawyers are expensive, and I ended up paying for his too. But again, it was all worth it.

Jazzman

I can tell you in Virginia marital income is considered joint income but inheritance is not considered joint income, as long as you don't co mingle it like using inheritance to fund an addition to the marital home. The laws in your state may be vary different.

You can learn about your states domestic laws by doing your own research on your states website. Google "state divorce laws" and read up. Every state has guidelines for property settlement and visitation/support issues but remember the guidelines are a good starting point for negotiations. A separation agreement is just that, what you agreed to.

Once you've exhausted your own free web research efforts talk to a lawyer.

redatlanta

I worked in the legal field for many, many years.

In my state they don't care about the ins and outs of who did what to whom and who earned and didn't they mostly split down the middle and seldom award alimony. However, there is a debt to asset ratio which another poster mentioned....I do want to forwarn you of a common problem I saw happen in my last job working in bankruptcy and foreclosure.

More times than I can count a divorced spouse called hysterical upon finding out that their former spouse was in bankruptcy and a property(ies) were being foreclosed on. You won't have that issue if only your name is on the mortgage but that is seldom in a marriage. I am assuming you have two homes? Anyway here is how it works - the judge or in settlement a spouse receives a property. Payment of this property is directed as part of the divorce settlement. Later down the road former spouse gets in financial trouble and bankrupts or his headed to foreclosure. Other spouse receives notification that bank is going to foreclose (if they are lucky). Former spouse would call our office waving judge's divorce decree saying "Its not my responsibility the judge said it his". Unfortunately in these cases a judge cannot supercede a contract, the Mortgage note and whomever signed it is still ultimately responsible.

I have also had former spouses call because for whatever reason, maybe they were getting a loan - they had pulled a credit report only to find a foreclosure on there and a credit score of 300 insisting this was a mistake. Its no mistake and it won't be removed - devastating. It happened so many times I can't count.

So - be sure that anything in the way of property does not have your name on it if he gets it in settlement. Including cars. This can pose a serious problem in today's economy where refinancing and getting loans is hard - or impossible for someone like your husband who I doubt would qualify.

I recommend if the option is to let him have something with both your names on it or to liquidate, LIQUIDATE.

Hopefully this won't be an issue for you. Best of luck and hugs to you!

fluffyflea

You should get in contact with a lawyer about this.