Divorce
 

Well my divorce trial will be November 28 & 29. I have legal and physical custody of our three kids. My STBXA wants two years of rehabitual spousal support, but she does not have to pay child support. My question is do you think she will be awarded this? She has not worked in almost ten years, but drank hard the last six years. Three inpatient treatments, three detoxes, five or six ER visits, and on and on.

I have no idea about support issues, and I am sure others will come along soon with their experiences. I just wanted to say I am sorry, but good thing you got the kids and can give them the stability and consistency they need.

I do know our state deals with divorce issues and custody issues separately, but I am surprised she was not ordered to pay any child support. Does she have a lot of visitation? Was there a reason she wasn't given even a small amount to pay? My friend was ordered to pay $478 per month for one kid, even though at the time she was unemployed.

For me - there was no rhyme no reason to things that were brought up during my divorce proceedings ~

after a long drawn out process ~ we eventually settled & I did not have to pay spousal support but I did have to share with my attorney that my exah worked for cash and had the potential to make money, he just didn't have the desire to stay sober & gainfully employed.

Here's to hoping things will work out as to what is best for you & your children ~

PINK HUGS,

No one can predict, it's based on local laws and customs and your judge's philosophy.

But there are some general guidelines: non-custodial parents almost always have to pay support. If a judge waives the obligation, he has to justify it in writing to the Federal government in order for the state to keep getting certain types of grants. Most judges aren't going to bother. So probably she will have to pay some child support, even if it's $5 a month. (this is if you are in the US). So I'm surprised she doesn't have to pay CS.

Also, 2 years of rehab alimony for a spouse that has been a stay at home parent for 10 years doesn't sound excessive. Usually there's guidelines and a chart the state uses to determine what's appropriate. I know my state had a formula, years off of work, plus or minus education and professional certificates, plus or minus local economy in her field, plus or minus job experience, so on. Judges usually go by that. Deviations open them up for appeals, so they generally follow the formula. What does your atty say about that?

Almost never is drinking factored in, especially if it's a no fault divorce. Spouses of drinkers want it to be factored in because they've suffered so much, they hope the court will punish the drinker for ruining the marriage. This almost never happens as a general rule of thumb. Courts think if drinking causes problems in a marriage, divorce is an excellent solution, and it's your fault you stayed so long or whatever... they really hate to get into the he said/she said part of it. And who can blame them, people lie in court; nondrinkers exaggerate the sins of drinkers and drinkers minimize their drinking. It's a mess and judges don't get into it much--they figure divorce solves the drinking problem in a marriage.

The other thing is alcoholism is a disease and people don't get penalized for a disease. Generally courts avoid the topic and stick to the guidelines.

They will consider it child custody and visitation. You have to understand that visitation of a parent is a Federally protected right that judges have to explain in writing when they take it away. Federal money depends on how much visitation noncustodial parents have and on how much child support is paid versus how much is ordered. And it's been proven that more visitation equals more child support paid. So in general judges given standard visitation to non custodials accused of addiction and 'see how it goes'. Most of the time it works out, but they cautiously modify the orders if you keep going back to complain and have evidence.

So while no one can predict, it seems likely you will have to pay some alimony, and 2 years for 10 years of not working (and how long the marriage was also will matter) seems about right. The question is how much alimony will you have to pay. Sometimes the alimony is more than the child support and sometimes it's $1 a month (that's what my ex husband had to pay to his first wife).

Good luck to you and know soon this will all be over.

I am surprised she doesn't have to pay child support at all; did you agree to that? If so that would make more sense. But if the judge excused her from paying, it sounds like he/she is sympathetic to her drinking problem and feels sorry for her for losing her kids. Judges can have alcohol problems too or family members they are enabling and sometimes can be more sympathetic to the drinker than the spouse.

The one above who had to pay child support of $400+ even though she was unemployed probably was imputed with income (the judge thought she was doing cash under the table, or had the ability to make money but just chose not to) and the child support was established against the imputed income. That happened to my ex. He quit an $80K job during the divorce and said he had post traumatic stress from the divorce and a nervous breakdown. We got his ex boss on the stand who said he'd hire him back. My XAH said he couldn't, he was too mentally destroyed and came up with his Vietnam service, his bipolar, admitted that he 'used' to have a drinking problem (but was all gone now), had high blood pressure, etc... Judge imputed him with $70K in income and bingo he had a HUGE CS payment--and still refused to work (thought it would go away, it didn't, he went to jail eventually and is STILL paying it off although all the kids are over 18).

Anyway, good luck to you.

According to my attorney, Alaska courts extremely rarely award alimony/spousal support.

I would say hope & pray for the best and don't get too bent out of shape over the outcome. The important part is that you have custody of the kids and they are safe. The rest, hurt as it may, is only money.

Well I waived child support but I think it may have been a huge mistake. Our divorce settlement is getting very ugly.

Hang in there electricalguru....we are with you in thoughts. Keep us posted.

You have a good lawyer. Just take deep breaths and know that the ugly will pass. You don't need her money, the worst that can happen is that you lose some of yours. You're protecting your kids, and that's what matters. Keep repeating that. You can do this.

If you are raising the kids- no- she needs to grow up, get a job, be responsible.....is it tradition 7 ? in AA- be self -supporting......

Tomorrow is the start of the divorce trial. My STBXAW is in very bad shape, she is on day number 9 of hard drinking. I took her to detox Saturday, blew a .303, stayed two hours and left. Last night her cousin told she was taking her to ER. Her mother died from alcoholism in March. She just got out of rehab 16 days ago. She is killing herself, it's so sad what alcohol has done to families.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

:grouphug:

Long-distance support and prayers from the Midwest.

C-OH Dad

:grouphug: Just adding my support. I'm so sorry you & your kids are going through this. You are in my prayers today!

Thanks everyone for your support.

Will be with you in spirit today and in the days to come.

(((hugs)))

prayers of comfort for you, your children and your ex ~

regardless of the reasons ~ divorce is never easy

prayers of healing and your HP's best for everyone

pink hugs

It's a tough thing to watch someone you love slowly kill themselves. Take care of yourself & children, it's all you can really do. Good luck with the divorce. I'm in the middle of one with my STBXAW & i'm not sure what is the saddest part, seeing our marriage fail, watching her lose everything, seeing her kill herself, being alone myself, having to start over......... I guess it's all one big crappy tie between em all. Sending support from the Northeast.
OhBoy

Well day one down. AW did not show up for court. She is one day number 13 binge. Not sure if she will show up tomorrow.

I'm really sorry you are having to go through all of this. Does this tend to swing things in your favor as far as a speeding up the process?

Please take care of yourself and those beautiful kids through it all!

Sending support. Don't forget to take care of yourself through all of this.