Update on the marriage counseling
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Update on the marriage counseling
Hi guys, we had our 4th session with MT number 2. Some good things are coming out of it, some bad. Basically, I'm seeing my part and seeing where I am unwilling to accept a lot of his character traits and behaviors that have changed over the years.
It pretty much came out that he doesn't want to hear my stories like when I'm just trying to make basic conversation because he's not interested in them, and I don't want to hear him rail about the government and how he's paying for all the illegals, etc. All he wants to talk about is the state of our government and how awful life is or is going to be for all of us soon, and all I want to talk about is sharing my day and finding out about his. So, I guess we're at an impass, LOL.
As for the drinking, he and the therapist basically agreed that they have differing opinions over whether AH is an alcoholic. AH doesn't think he is(go figure) while the therapist thinks he needs outside help/counseling/etc. So, the therapist changed the subject and decided it was time for us to work on some communication skills. Honestly, I found these helpful. We did some role playing and brought up some things that were important. I saw where I make assumptions, where I set up my defenses, etc. Not sure what AH saw, but I felt good coming out of it. Well, let me rephrase this: I felt good about what I'm learning about me, not necessarily about our marriage. Still not sure what's going on with that. And, it turns out that AH took the money out of checking to buy 2 new tennis racquets. I still don't understand why he took the money out over such an extended period of time and I still don't feel like he's being 100% honest, but there's nothing I can do about it.
Anyway, I really felt that it was eye opening to see where I go wrong in communicating and I feel it gives me a springboard to learning more about myself. I've also been really working hard at getting into Codependent No More and she's brutally honest about what codies are like and the behaviors and attitudes that we have that are part of our downfalls/character flaws, etc. Very eye opening week for me. Can't say that AH is enjoying it.....oh well.
It pretty much came out that he doesn't want to hear my stories like when I'm just trying to make basic conversation because he's not interested in them, and I don't want to hear him rail about the government and how he's paying for all the illegals, etc. All he wants to talk about is the state of our government and how awful life is or is going to be for all of us soon, and all I want to talk about is sharing my day and finding out about his. So, I guess we're at an impass, LOL.
As for the drinking, he and the therapist basically agreed that they have differing opinions over whether AH is an alcoholic. AH doesn't think he is(go figure) while the therapist thinks he needs outside help/counseling/etc. So, the therapist changed the subject and decided it was time for us to work on some communication skills. Honestly, I found these helpful. We did some role playing and brought up some things that were important. I saw where I make assumptions, where I set up my defenses, etc. Not sure what AH saw, but I felt good coming out of it. Well, let me rephrase this: I felt good about what I'm learning about me, not necessarily about our marriage. Still not sure what's going on with that. And, it turns out that AH took the money out of checking to buy 2 new tennis racquets. I still don't understand why he took the money out over such an extended period of time and I still don't feel like he's being 100% honest, but there's nothing I can do about it.
Anyway, I really felt that it was eye opening to see where I go wrong in communicating and I feel it gives me a springboard to learning more about myself. I've also been really working hard at getting into Codependent No More and she's brutally honest about what codies are like and the behaviors and attitudes that we have that are part of our downfalls/character flaws, etc. Very eye opening week for me. Can't say that AH is enjoying it.....oh well.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Thank you for the support, Mspink! I realized that I could use the techniques we were being taught in ALL my relationships and it was very helpful to see where I was going wrong.
This may not save my marriage, but I think it's helpful nonetheless. Now, if I could just convince the therapist to stay on topic regarding the drinking and the alcoholism problem with AH. Every time he brought it up, in various ways, we somehow wound up talking about something else. AH is quite good at manipulating conversations, he's one smart cookie.
This may not save my marriage, but I think it's helpful nonetheless. Now, if I could just convince the therapist to stay on topic regarding the drinking and the alcoholism problem with AH. Every time he brought it up, in various ways, we somehow wound up talking about something else. AH is quite good at manipulating conversations, he's one smart cookie.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by lizatola 
Thank you for the support, Mspink! I realized that I could use the techniques we were being taught in ALL my relationships and it was very helpful to see where I was going wrong.
I know that Alanon has helped me in all my relationships, and I continue to move forward each day. Individual therapy has also helped a lot!
Be proud of yourself and what you are doing in your own recovery, dear. I am proud of you.
Sending you hugs of support on the mild Kansas winds today.
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