Windancer

. Trust is so important in a relationship. Im still trying to rebuilt my own trust and credibility.

BoxinRotz

He's lied to me so much to protect his vodka. I know I can't count on him to be there for me if I need him. I was there for him through a near paralysis due to a C3&C4 compression on his spinal cord in June. Then in August, I saved him from a near drowning in the river.

I have told him I'm purchasing more insurance on the house so that it will be paid for if he dies. I even asked him to check his life insurance policy to see what benefits are available to me. He was offended n asked, Are you writing me off? I said, No... you are.

He drives and rides drunk. What do you want me to do?

BoxinRotz

His mom is a drunk. Along with his sister. His other sister is a drug addict. His brother, I dont really know.

Titanic

Did he get painkillers (e.g., oxycodone) for his spinal compression? Does he take benzos like Xanax? Still on them?

Mixing them with alcohol isn't 1 + 1 = 2. Rather, it's 1 + 1 = 4 plus conflicting brain signals.

Sorry for what you are going through. Are you going to Al-Anon meetings?

soberwife2012

his family appears to have addictive issued that may be in the "genes". that proposes more issues in dealing with just stopping. read books on addiction and go to support groups for yourself. learning to put yourself first is the best thing for your marriage and yourself. taking your first step are hard but you will see after several stumbles it get easier to have faith in yourself. the addiction makes the addict a liar and someone you can not trust. would i have someone who steals from me in my life? to watch my kids? to take care of me? NO but that is what was going on in my life! when i realized these were some of the issues i stood up for my life and that of my kids. i am still married and would love to still be but i am not married to the bottle like him. he can have the OTHER relationship(BOTTLE) and check out of life. the only thing i can do for him is make him uncomfortable in his choices! i am happy to make my kids a life that will be away from the other relationship of drinking! good luck and keep taking care of yourself you are worth it!!!!!!!

Lynnrae2

Welcome to sr....you are in a good place here. Keep reading and keep posting. Alot of your questions will get answered and you will find that there are so many people in the same situation that you are. lots of good advice to be given here.


keep working on you.....one day at a time!!!!

BoxinRotz

He was on percocet 10mg. That's the highest it went. I had those pills shoved so far up my a$$ it wasnt even funny. He would try to confuse me and make me believe I didn't give him one after his surgery. He was horrible! He would say, the dr wants me to have them when I need them. I sat here many days n nights trying to get him to understand that he just had a pill! It never worked.

Today, I woke up to Jimmy cleaning the house. He did the dishes n cleaned the bathroom. This is a normal response after telling him what I'm going to do for myself if he continues. Things that I have told him in the past that I have followed through on are:

Cutting off sex.
Ignoring him.
Moving out of the bedroom.

Since early this morning I have decided that my next step will be leaving the house for a time. I can't stand the fact that I have to do it but it will give me peace of mind n I won't have to watch him be drunk. Jimmy knows I'm serious but James doesn't care. I don't know how long this will last. I will be calling al anon in a minute for me! He is refusing counseling.

BoxinRotz

I told him this morning that if he bought another bottle that I would leave. Not even 2 hours later, he bought another bottle. I found the brown bag and reciept on the truck seat when I went to go pick up dinner.

He ate alone, with nobody home.

I packed my banket, pillows, the dogs and their food and I left. I told him that I will stay at my brother's and be a wife from afar and when he is ready to commit to sobriety, I'll be waiting for him. He said, don't leave. I told him I was and I did.

Nothing I said sunk into him today so maybe my actions will be louder than my words. I fear that he will never recover. I love Jimmy so much but his alcohol will kill him if he doesn't get a handle on it. I know this. I miss him already. I have been missing him for some time because even though his body is there, he is not, therefore, I miss him.

What a tragic thing alcohol does to a person. It's so sad. I hear Jimmy trying to break through but James is large and in charge.

He has refused counseling as I said earlier. I told him he needs it! He can't do it alone, I can't help him, he needs help. I have an appt with AlAnon on Tuesday. He was mistified when I told him I was going, like, what do you need that for? I guess time will tell if I will be happily married to him or living with my brother, married to him and lonely. I am not going to divorce him and I am not going to watch him drink either.

freeatlast1313

Boxin,
Welcome to SR, a real light in the darkness for me. I know how much this hurts, but you are on the right track. Read the posts, so many men/women here in paralell situations at different stages of living with, loving and sometimes leaving our alcoholics. Big hugs, you came to a great place.
Free

Pelican

One of the reasons I finally filled for divorce was because my active alcoholic husband was grabbing a tall beer on the way home from work and drinking it as he drove home.

I physically left after he spent a day off drinking and drove home completely smashed and had empty beer bottles in the truck.

I left because we were married and his behavior was putting the entire family at risk for financial, legal, and health fallout.

BoxinRotz

I'm not there yet. I hope not to be. I love him and see his potential.

lizatola

I can relate to some of what you said. My AH had given up drinking for 15 years and we're back on the roller coaster ride.

I just wanted to say that I think it's awesome that you are into archery!!! I was just back at my mom's in VA and her husband shot a deer on their property while we were visiting. My son(14) was so interested in hunting after he saw them process the deer and the meat, and after we had venison for dinner the next day. My stepdad is also into archery and all kinds of guns, he's an excellent instructor for my son and has started teaching him how to respect guns and weapons of all kinds. I love archery, but I don't hunt. Oh,also; they shot a bear on their property last spring. The bear was getting into their hives(their beekeepers) and he stood up at the house on the hill about 100 yards away and managed to shoot the bear while he was in action. Anyway, I just wanted to say: Welcome to the boards and I hope you find that bear!

BoxinRotz

The fall is always welcome here. It's my time but I hurt my shoulder and didn't get to archery hunt this year. I hope to get a bear on Saturday though.

I've tried to get him to go out and sit with me because he loves fall n he won't.

Pelican

The *P* word: Potential

We have a sticky post where a member shared advice from her therapist on potential.

Here is the link to the sticky on Potential:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...potential.html

Lulu39

I made mine leave for the same reasons. He was going to take us to hell with him or die trying.

Mine also set the house on fire once and other things in the kitchen on fire another two times after that. I told him that the house rule was that he did not cook or use the stove if I was asleep (he drunk sleepwalks and drunk cooks, thus the fires). He agreed. But drunk him decided that was a stupid idea. Drunk him could do whatever he felt like at the time and the hell with everyone else. I wasn't going to let drunk him set the house on fire in the middle of the night ever again.

BoxinRotz

Do I ever hear you! The second year we were together, I was at work and I just had this sick feeling come over me. I called and called and called with no answer. This was the year that I found out that there was a major problem with alcohol. Long story short, I came home to an awful burnt smell and him in the kitchen cleaning. I asked him what that smell was and he said, he burnt his lunch. I said, you really burnt it because I can smell the pot. I look in the can and I find my pot with 5 pierogies charcoal black. I look at him and he says, I fell asleep. He was drunk. So, I know what you mean!

BoxinRotz

Jimmy is detoxing. He's coming out of a 5 day binge. He has to go to work tonight. He's in bed sleeping, sweating and dealing with it. I've seen him before get the shakes and sweats. He's not shaky today but sweaty and smelly. The bedroom smells like vodka.

He asked me to not leave yesterday and I left. He asked me to come home and I didn't. He said, I miss you and wish you were here. I said, I can't be there. I wish you were sober. That was the end of our text last night.

I can't wait to go to my first ALANON meeting on Tuesday. I have so much to learn. I need to let the anger go and be okay with myself and not beat myself up. I need this for me.