inatthedeepend

Hi

I'm due to attend my first alanon meeting tomorrow.

Can anyone give me an indication of what exactly to expect.

Does it have a religious element...I'm getting that feeling...
I did have the feeling their purpose seemed to be to wean me off the alcoholic ..... but am feeling maybe now that this isn't the case?
Will I have to do a formal introduction
Is it formal

Am I sounding confused? Its because I am, and nervous...

Thanks

OhBoy

It is spiritual, not religious. You will hear God mentioned most likely, but not any specific denomination of God. You will hear "higher power" a lot. A higher power is what you make it.

The focus is on you, not the alcoholic. It is about getting you better. You can use the program to help you live with the alcoholic or leave the alcoholic. It is for you to decide how you work the program. There is no emphasis on either path, that's up to you.

Introductions are made by first names only, going around the room.

You don't have to wear a tuxedo if that's what you mean! Some are more formal in Alanon traditions & procedures than others, again each one is a little different.

I was so nervous going to my first meeting I thought I was going to pass out walking through the doors or start crying uncontrollably through the whole thing! What I found was a bunch of people who were very calm, caring & peaceful. About halfway through, I settled down & started to feel like this might be the best thing that I ever did & since then, nothing has changed my opinion. Are you confused? No more so than everyone else that ever went to their first Alanon meeting! You are in good company. Look at it this way, EVERYONE else that you will meet at the meeting went to their first meeting at one point so THEY ALL KNOW what you are feeling! It's OK to be nervous, it's usually a horrible thing that has brought us to a meeting, but it is a safe place where everyone will understand your feelings. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, there is no expectation for you to do so. For me the best thing about my first meeting was talking with someone after the meeting. I could tell my story in confidence, cry as much as I needed, be as emotional as I wanted to be.......just get it out! If this meeting doesn't seem right for you, try another. Try at least 6 meetings before you decide if Alanon is for you. Somethings will feel very foreign in the beginning, but after a few meetings will make sense. This program has helped a lot of people just like you, I hope it works for you!

inatthedeepend

Thankyou this is very helpful. I'm very nervous!!!!

snowrose

We have all been where you are-nervous, not knowing what to expect, but please find the strength to go, you will be rewarded with a serenity (even if just a little at first) that comes from being around people who completely understand what you are feeling and going through. I pushed myself to go two months ago and am working to understand all the elements of my life with an alcoholic. I find great comfort in my time at my meetings.

ACOA12

I was nervous going to my first meeting as well. Even when I go to new meetings that I've never been to before, I am a little nervous. It is normal. I hope that you find it to be helpful for you.

Redapples

I will be going to my first meeting tomorrow as well different Country mind you

snowrose

Go with an open mind and heart. I am not a religious person but consider myself very spiritual, so I have had to adjust my thoughts with all the references to a HP. I have always had a very private relationship with my HP, and am starting to adjust to a more verbal open way that is practiced in alanon. I am always amazed at how much better I sleep after a meeting-it just seems to take that "eggshell edge" off for awhile.

inpieces314

Just go and listen to everyone else, you don't have to talk at first.

That's how I was, and then I walked in, and was actually the first person to share. Walking through that doorway in itself is amazing, and once you actually do that, the hard part is already over. You'll see.

And keep going back, it works if you work it.

Impurrfect

My first meeting was pretty small, but awesome. I've been to AA meetings in the past (I'm also an RA), so sort of knew what to expect, but was still nervous.

Because I was new, they went out of their way to make me feel comfortable without putting me on the spot. After the meeting, I talked to a few people and explained that my loved ones are addicts, not alcoholics, would that be a problem? I was assured it would NOT, several there also had addicts as their qualifier. I was given a copy of "How it Works", and went back the next night (this meeting only meets 2 times a week).

I think everyone is nervous, but maybe just think of them as real-life friends from SR?

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

inpieces314

It's totally awesome to be in a room with someone who has something in common with you. And when you find out there are a bunch of people like that, it's the best feeling in the world. Its like coming home after the longest day of work ever, that total aaaahhhhh feeling.

Titanic

You seem to be concerned about the spirituality of the program among other things. I think it's easier to think of that as growing out of humility.

We are human. To err is human. Among those fallibilities is alcoholism, which also affects many people closest to the alcoholic. We are among those. We come to Al-Anon seeking help, looking for answers. In the program, we first come to acknowledge that we too are powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable (Step 1). We have suffered and will suffer loss because of alcoholism. But we human beings also suffer loss in relationships and due to other events in the course of our lives. Each of us learns that our will is not in control of life. In this program, we come to realize that we must have proper relationships with our fellow human beings (including the alcoholic in our lives) and with this source of help - this Power - that is greater than our individual selves. We do not run the show. There are other cast members. We accept our role and place. We are not the Director though we try hard to be and fail. Humility - Spirituality.

wynter

I'm also planning on going to my first alanon meeting next week. This forum has helped me feel a little better in knowing what to expect. Have to ask others, though, my A is recovering, better part of two years. Our problems stem from personality differences, not the drinking. Right now the relationship is kinda severed, so I'm wondering if this is really right for me too. Thanks

Redapples

I went to my first alanon meeting this evening. It was nice be in a non judgemental environment. I hope this will be the beginning of self healing as well as therapy if I ever get in there. I thought I was going to start the water works but I managed to contain it, I will save that for the therapy. lol Overall I am glad I went there and plan to make it a weekly event.

snowrose

That's great to hear! Its amazing how a roomful of strangers can give you so much support. I know for myself, I had become pretty isolated living with my AH, and it helps me to just be around people who actually want to hear what I have to say. My AH's drinking has progressed quite a bit, and he has really closed down. I am trying to understand how to better my life and find so much knowledge in my alanon meetings, literature and of course SR!

inatthedeepend

My post didnt work

thank you all so much
Minecwas good too redapples
I actually came out more convinced standing by him is the right way to go
Then spent three hours talking to him via video. It was lovely. He's not great today but I see more hope in him .

Redapples

Tomorrow I am going to co dependency group it's 3 hrs. It takes a lot of time to get fixed. Also reading co dependency books.