itsmylifenow

Wow, I forgot what I'd been missing.

Yesterday I was out on a date playing pool at one of our local hangouts when I notice a few people I know come in.

A few minutes later xabf comes over to me and puts his hand out to shake it, like some long lost friend. He asks me what I'm doing there, that he didn't know I came here at night (it was 7:00). Gee, it looked obvious to me, I was on a date playing pool. Apparently he was having a group of people meeting there and it seemed shady to him that I should happen to be in a public place that I've been to a dozen times at the same time as him. I haven't seen the guy in almost 3 months.

He continues to put his hand out and introduce himself to my date, then says to me that the pool tables are at a premium and would his group be able to play doubles on our table. He got me so quick. I have a list of I shoulds in my head of what I should have said, what I should have did. I was getting wound up, I wanted to throw something at him and beat the crap out of him. So, I said sure but not him. I didn't want him playing with me. Not only did he somehow end up playing but his friend, who is so quick to defend him and was the one who told me he was dating someone, got right there to play too. Then I tell him he needs to get the hell away from me and they weren't going to play there anymore. He comes back with I had no right to hold the table and then has everyone put their quarters on the table to claim their game.

And, he then has the nerve to tell me he doesn't want any trouble.

I wanted to go ballistic on the guy. I wanted to throw the pool balls at him, I wanted to punch him in the face, I wanted to crack the cue over his head. Most of all I wanted him to get the hell away from me and take his controlling, manipulative ways with him.

5 minutes. Seriously, it wasn't more than 5 minutes and I couldn't believe I had ever lasted 3 years with this guy. The fact he so quickly turned it all around to make me look like this crazy, insane stalker was amazing. No one sees what he does. He has everyone right by his side proving their loyalty to them. Which is okay by me because I don't want anyone loyal to him as any kind of acquaintance of mine. De-friended a bunch this morning off of FB.

I just can't believe how quickly he was able to manipulate me though. He had me on the spot. If I went crazy and started telling him off it would make me look nuts. I've worked hard to get past a lot of crap with him but to realize the anger I still have towards him is something else I need to get over. I didn't even realize I was still angry.

Luckily my date was pretty cool through the whole thing. He knew about him so that probably helped but I really didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to react. I wasn't going to leave and make it look like him being there was a problem. Because honestly, it wasn't. I could have just ignored him completely. He put himself in my face, not the other way around.

So, we moved over to the table next to us and played with some other people and then left.

If I'm glad for anything, I'm happy this happened at 3 months and not at 1 or even 2. NC has been the real answer for me to heal myself and move forward. I definitely have no desire to contact him whatsoever after last night and hope I never have to see him again. I just need to work on not feeling so vulnerable to his manipulation when he's around and find a way to bow out of any altercations with him.

ZiggyB

Hi,
Man that sucks. I am glad that I don't go any places where my axbf hangs out.

He sounds like a real ass, it's good that you were able to keep your cool and didn't throw something at him. I had the same reaction recently when a simple e-mail I sent to axbf a few weeks ago got met by one of his sarcastic, demeaning comments. HOW did I put up with his treatment for so long? I look back and just have so many regrets....

itsmylifenow

Zig, I know what you mean. How did we ever let ourselves be treated like this? I'm shocked, quite honestly, that I ever thought I was in love with this guy. He always showed who he was...it wasn't like I found out after months or years of dating him. It was there on day one.

I'm thankful he has a girlfriend otherwise I know I would have received a nasty email or a phone call. I have purposely stayed away from where I know he likes to go, but at the same time I'm not going to stop living my life on the mere chance I might run into him. Hell, I could see him at a grocery store or something you know?

I need to learn to disengage. Simple as that. I have to not let him affect me at all. Need to detach which is easier said than done. But, he knows how to get to me and quickly!!

I don't want to rehash the woulda/shoulda's but I will at least be aware of what I can do in the future. Next time I will ignore him completely. If I can't do that then I need to have something to tell him..like please don't talk to me when you see me in public or it's better for everyone if we just don't acknowledge each other. Something. Any suggestions would be great.