Allergic?

Old 11-05-2012, 06:18 AM
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Allergic?

Anyone know if you can be allergic to alcohol? I'm sure it possible and I think ABF is, or maybe it's something else. He typically only drinks beer. A friend of mine bought me a pint of bourbon for my bday last week so I fixed me a mixed drink last night to sip on while I watched a show. Of course a already drunk ABF starts drinking it. About an hour later I hear him yelling for me in the landuary room. I said what, no response. So I go in there and he is laying on the ground leaning against the washer as pale as a sheet of paper. I asked what was wrong knowing that he clearly drank too much. He said his body was numb and tingly and he couldn't move. I assume he is having a panic attack of sorts and get him to the couch, get his shirt off and notice he is covered in hives. I gave him bendryl and he seems ok this morning. He didn't remember much as usual. I'm concerned, he has a lot of allergies so I'm not sure if he got into something earlier in the day or if it was the drinking. He says it's no big deal but it is and he has been complaining of his right hand randomly going numb and asleep for the last few weeks. I wish he would realize he is killing himself. .
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Old 11-05-2012, 06:26 AM
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He absolutely should see a doctor ASAP.
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Old 11-05-2012, 06:31 AM
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My ex got hives if he drank whiskey. It was not nearly the reaction you describe - just red blotches on his face/neck (maybe rest of body - don't know as never took his shirt off to look).

Certainly sounds like something I would see a doctor about - along with the numbness and tingling even if they are unrelated.
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Old 11-05-2012, 06:35 AM
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Originally Posted by tjp613 View Post
He absolutely should see a doctor ASAP.
This is what I told him but it wil never happen. He has excellent health insurance through work and no excuse not to go other than he just won't. I never know what to believe out of him. He has been drunk many times and claimed to be having medical issues for attention. The last occasion he threw himself on the floor and started drooling and wouldn't respond. The next morning he came clean that he was faking. I'm worried something real will happen and he will die because I didn't call 911 thinking he is faking again. It's ridiculous.
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Old 11-05-2012, 06:51 AM
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Yes it is ridiculous. You've let him know that you think it is serious. He has the resources to get to the doctor if he wants to. It is out of your hands now. All you can do is call 911 if you think there is an immediate emergency and let it go. You don't have to twist yourself into knots trying to figure out if he is faking or not.

It sometimes helped me to take the relationship and alcoholism out of it. If I was in your house and started screaming about being paralyzed and tingling arms - what would you do? Do the same thing for him. If it is a true emergency, then you have a clean conscious. He'll get medical attention. If he's faking - you still did what any sane person would do and he probably won't fake again.
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Old 11-05-2012, 07:00 AM
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I'm allergic to alcohol.

When I drink, I break out in Stupid.

All joking aside, he has found a way to pull you into his alcoholic drama.
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Old 11-05-2012, 07:12 AM
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Lol, I was just going to say I'm pretty sure I am allergic to him!

Thumper is right, it's out oft hands. He called about 15 mons ago and I asked if he was ok, he cheerfully said yea why? Oh I dunno why, maybe because last night you swore up and down that you were dying! I swear it's just another one of his games. He always says or does just enough to keep me pulled into his craziness.
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Old 11-05-2012, 07:25 AM
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And now I am mad at myself. I asked myself why I tolerate his bs, I have several answers all of which are just as crazy as him. I fell bad for ruining his life, making him lose his home, his daughter, etc , etc. I logically know that none of that would really be my fault, it would be the consequences to his actions but I still feel bad and guilty. Around this time last year I told him I needed a break and wanted to split up. We didn't of course all because he said can't you wait until after Christmas. Really?!? Wtf never mind what he is thinking, what am I thinking half the time. Now here we sit a year later on the same merry go round.
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Old 11-05-2012, 07:34 AM
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Yes, you can be allergic. My mother breaks out in hives if she drinks red wine....even a few sips. And my Mother in law claims that she is allergic, I have never seen her drink, but she claims that her throat starts to close. (I say claims, because as more information comes to light, I wonder if maybe she just says that rather than say, "NO, I don't drink, because several of my siblings are major alcoholics and I saw my life headed down that path." But whichever reason it may be, she has the foresight to not drink at all.
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Old 11-05-2012, 07:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Sadconfused View Post
And now I am mad at myself. I asked myself why I tolerate his bs, I have several answers all of which are just as crazy as him. I fell bad for ruining his life, making him lose his home, his daughter, etc , etc. I logically know that none of that would really be my fault, it would be the consequences to his actions but I still feel bad and guilty. Around this time last year I told him I needed a break and wanted to split up. We didn't of course all because he said can't you wait until after Christmas. Really?!? Wtf never mind what he is thinking, what am I thinking half the time. Now here we sit a year later on the same merry go round.
I think this ^^^ is far more important than why he broke out in hives.

How can you make him lose his job and kid? Why do you feel guilty for consequences he brought upon himself?
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Old 11-05-2012, 07:46 AM
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Yes, some people are allergic to alcohol. Runny noses, itchy eyes, hives.

Alcohol intolerance - MayoClinic.com

Funny, the only way to avoid this symptoms is not to drink.
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Old 11-05-2012, 07:54 AM
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IF you continue to be with him and deal with the drama ..... when he throws himself on the floor drooling and not responding, call 911! You don't know when he's faking and when he's not. It's a fact that people die from this disease every day.
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Old 11-05-2012, 08:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
I think this ^^^ is far more important than why he broke out in hives.

How can you make him lose his job and kid? Why do you feel guilty for consequences he brought upon himself?
I'm not sure really. Like I said I know it's not my fault, I understand that thy are his consequences not mine but I can't shake the nasty guilty bad feeling. I guess no matter how much I tell myself it's HIS fault, I still feel like I am somehow responsible since I am the one making the decision to split up. It's 100% codependent, I can see this but I can't make the feeling go away.
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Old 11-05-2012, 09:04 AM
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I feel sick and brainwashed...... Like I was tricked into all this by him.
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Old 11-05-2012, 09:05 AM
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Remembering that 'feelings are not facts' helped me do the right thing, that i knew was right in my head, even when it felt bad.

At times I would repeat it over and over. Even today, I still use that phrase as a way to remind myself to think things through and use my head before reacting.
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Old 11-05-2012, 10:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Sadconfused View Post
I'm not sure really. Like I said I know it's not my fault, I understand that thy are his consequences not mine but I can't shake the nasty guilty bad feeling. I guess no matter how much I tell myself it's HIS fault, I still feel like I am somehow responsible since I am the one making the decision to split up. It's 100% codependent, I can see this but I can't make the feeling go away.
Maybe its not guilt you feel? Maybe its sadness, anger, or plain old frustration that you are in the midst of this mess and wish it could be different? Sometimes I think we label a feeling "guilt" when it is really something else.

You really don't have that kind of control over his life. He'd like you to think that, because it keeps you hooked if you do. But you don't. If you did, imagine what else you could do - like make him stop drinking, get sober, and grow the F up! ; )

And like Thumper says above - feelings are just that - feelings. They are not fact (thanks Thumper, such a great reminder!) You don't need to continue to act on a feeling. Act on what is real.
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Old 11-05-2012, 10:28 AM
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My dad was allergic to gin. It made him mean, extra mean. Martinis, and I'd hide.

He was an alcoholic, but truly, he was extra mean if he drank gin. Popcorn made his ears itch, too. Told him not to put it in his ears, but that didn't go over well. I also sat on the stairs, just out of reach, and when he told me he didn't want to hear another peep out of me, I'd go "Peep. Peep. Peep."

Maybe not the best defense, but what else could an 8 year old do?

Sadconfused, you are NOT at fault here. Alanon, and the wise folks here on SR will tell you the 3 c's:

You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.

I'd agree with Thumper, if you'd call an ambulance if you didn't know the person was an alcoholic, then call one for him. It's a reasonable consequence of his behavior if he is acting like he is dying. He could be. If he's not, he'll probably be diagnosed with acute alcohol intoxication, and that in itself might be a wake-up call.

My STBXAH went by ambulance to the ER in June after going into what looked like a coma suddenly in a restaurant. I thought he was having a stroke or heart attack. I didn't have the presence of mind to call the ambulance, but the bartenders did. His body lost all muscle tone, and the people around him were saying "My God, he's not going to make it." It was terrifying.

He had a blood alcohol level of .325 - enough to go into a coma, close enough to die. He was diagnosed with acute alcohol intoxication. Unfortunately, he's spent the last months explaining why the hospital faked the test, the test was wrong, they tried to kill him with haldol, you name it.

It was one of the precipitating events that got me to really think about what was happening, what was really medical in his health problems and what was alcohol. It led me to really look at how deeply I was enabling him, thinking I was taking care of a sick spouse.

I'd say do what you have to, what is reasonable, and let the chips fall where they may. You might want to google gaslighting and "Sam Vaknin and narcissism".

We're here for you as you sort this out, and pulling for YOUR health, whatever path that may be for you.

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Old 11-05-2012, 12:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Pelican View Post
I'm allergic to alcohol.

When I drink, I break out in Stupid.

All joking aside, he has found a way to pull you into his alcoholic drama.
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Old 11-06-2012, 10:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
Maybe its not guilt you feel? Maybe its sadness, anger, or plain old frustration that you are in the midst of this mess and wish it could be different? Sometimes I think we label a feeling "guilt" when it is really something else.
This could very well be the case, I think a lot of it is sadness that things aren't the same anymore and then anxiety because I know that it will never be the same and things are going to have to change even more. I dunno then I just feel bad for him.
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