My alcoholic Mother
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1
My alcoholic Mother
Hello everyone,
I am new to this site but have been a lurker for a while. Here is my story: 4 weeks ago my Father came home from an out of town trip to find my Mother disoriented and unable to speak or move her mouth. My Dad immediately thought she was having a stroke or some other major medical emergency, and called 911. The police, paramedics, and fire trucks showed up at my parents house and hauled my Mother away. The hospital performed multiple tests-cat scans, MRI, and finally a blood test. My Mothers BAC was over .4 and that was the reason behind her behavior. My sister and I arrived at the hospital at different times and heard the news of my Mothers secret she has been holding within for years.....she is an alcoholic. Everything started to make sense- the stumbling, the odor of rubbing alcohol on her breath, puffy face and eyes, fuzzy pictures and incorrect grammar posted to her Facebook wall at odd hours of the night, nasty comments out of her mouth, her absence from my life, weight gain, glassy eyes, loss of multiple jobs, deep depressions, I could go on and on. How could I not see that this was going on? How could I not have stopped this from spiraling so out of control? My Mom had some issues related to Menopause, so I guess I was relating all of these symptoms to that- and at times I was thinking she was suffering from a bipolar disorder. I guess I was in complete and total denial. During her stay in the hospital she suffered severe withdrawal symptoms- tachycardia, high BP, shaking, everything! Four days later she was released and within a few days of being home had started an outpatient treatment program three nights a week. I was seeing major progress in my Mom after she started this program. She looked great-she started caring about her appearance again and sounded happy again for the first time in a very long time. Then, while my Dad went out of town, it happened....she relapsed. I came over one evening to find her curled up in a ball on the couch, very depressed, talking about how the world is better off without her. After accusing her of being drunk and trying to talk her out of this depression, she finally manipulated me into thinking she wasn't in fact drunk. Two hours after being at her house...I caught her reaching into the freezer where I found 1 empty bottle of vodka and another half empty bottle. This happened just 2 days ago. I feel terrible for what my Mother must be going through but I also feel betrayed and hopeless. I know that since I found out about her relapse that her relapse is still continuing, I guess one might call it a "binge?" I don't know what to do to help my mom get through this. She was a wonderful mother growing up and was ALWAYS there for us kids and always put us first. Though she would drink on the weekends, and I occasionally witnessed her drunk, it never effected the home life. I am reaching out to all of you to help me figure out a way to help my mom. Even though part of me knows that she must help herself first, but I am not willing to just sit back and watch her fall. She is the most important person in my life and I will do whatever it takes to help her....I just don't know how.
I am new to this site but have been a lurker for a while. Here is my story: 4 weeks ago my Father came home from an out of town trip to find my Mother disoriented and unable to speak or move her mouth. My Dad immediately thought she was having a stroke or some other major medical emergency, and called 911. The police, paramedics, and fire trucks showed up at my parents house and hauled my Mother away. The hospital performed multiple tests-cat scans, MRI, and finally a blood test. My Mothers BAC was over .4 and that was the reason behind her behavior. My sister and I arrived at the hospital at different times and heard the news of my Mothers secret she has been holding within for years.....she is an alcoholic. Everything started to make sense- the stumbling, the odor of rubbing alcohol on her breath, puffy face and eyes, fuzzy pictures and incorrect grammar posted to her Facebook wall at odd hours of the night, nasty comments out of her mouth, her absence from my life, weight gain, glassy eyes, loss of multiple jobs, deep depressions, I could go on and on. How could I not see that this was going on? How could I not have stopped this from spiraling so out of control? My Mom had some issues related to Menopause, so I guess I was relating all of these symptoms to that- and at times I was thinking she was suffering from a bipolar disorder. I guess I was in complete and total denial. During her stay in the hospital she suffered severe withdrawal symptoms- tachycardia, high BP, shaking, everything! Four days later she was released and within a few days of being home had started an outpatient treatment program three nights a week. I was seeing major progress in my Mom after she started this program. She looked great-she started caring about her appearance again and sounded happy again for the first time in a very long time. Then, while my Dad went out of town, it happened....she relapsed. I came over one evening to find her curled up in a ball on the couch, very depressed, talking about how the world is better off without her. After accusing her of being drunk and trying to talk her out of this depression, she finally manipulated me into thinking she wasn't in fact drunk. Two hours after being at her house...I caught her reaching into the freezer where I found 1 empty bottle of vodka and another half empty bottle. This happened just 2 days ago. I feel terrible for what my Mother must be going through but I also feel betrayed and hopeless. I know that since I found out about her relapse that her relapse is still continuing, I guess one might call it a "binge?" I don't know what to do to help my mom get through this. She was a wonderful mother growing up and was ALWAYS there for us kids and always put us first. Though she would drink on the weekends, and I occasionally witnessed her drunk, it never effected the home life. I am reaching out to all of you to help me figure out a way to help my mom. Even though part of me knows that she must help herself first, but I am not willing to just sit back and watch her fall. She is the most important person in my life and I will do whatever it takes to help her....I just don't know how.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Somerset West, Western Cape, South Africa
Posts: 5
Hi Daughterofa!
My heart truly goes out to you, as I also grew up with an alcoholic parent (AP).
Firstly, I have a saying: "One cannot give what one doesn't have". At this stage, it is important that you need to firstly help yourself. It is so easy in your situation to "let go" of yourself and try to "fix" the AP. It only spells more and more heartache as only the AP can help the AP. You need to equip yourself now and it is important that you be kind to yourself at this stage.
A book I found that helped me tremendously is 'It Will Never Happen to Me!' Children of Alcoholics: As Youngsters - Adolescents - Adults by Claudia Black. It gave me the insight into the "why", "what" and "how" and many more questions.
And keep coming back here and talk to everyone. I found a great family here!
My heart truly goes out to you, as I also grew up with an alcoholic parent (AP).
Firstly, I have a saying: "One cannot give what one doesn't have". At this stage, it is important that you need to firstly help yourself. It is so easy in your situation to "let go" of yourself and try to "fix" the AP. It only spells more and more heartache as only the AP can help the AP. You need to equip yourself now and it is important that you be kind to yourself at this stage.
A book I found that helped me tremendously is 'It Will Never Happen to Me!' Children of Alcoholics: As Youngsters - Adolescents - Adults by Claudia Black. It gave me the insight into the "why", "what" and "how" and many more questions.
And keep coming back here and talk to everyone. I found a great family here!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.
We have a tool to help keep the addict's addiction in perspective. It is the 3 C's of your mom's addiction:
You did not Cause it
You can not Control it
You will not Cure it
I know you want to assist where you can, and you can let her know that when she is sober. However, the addicted individual has to want to make lasting changes before they can truly begin recovery.
It helps to learn more about alcoholism, addiction and how to detach from their behaviors.
I learned about how a person can become completely addicted to their alcohol by reading a book "Under the Influence". I began to understand how alcohol is one of the few substances that can pass the blood/brain barrier. I also learned that every cell of the body become addicted to alcohol for the alcoholic. It is powerful, and we are powerless.
Here is a link to a post on SR that contains excerpts from the book "Under the Influence"
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please stick around ~ we are her to support you!
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.
We have a tool to help keep the addict's addiction in perspective. It is the 3 C's of your mom's addiction:
You did not Cause it
You can not Control it
You will not Cure it
I know you want to assist where you can, and you can let her know that when she is sober. However, the addicted individual has to want to make lasting changes before they can truly begin recovery.
It helps to learn more about alcoholism, addiction and how to detach from their behaviors.
I learned about how a person can become completely addicted to their alcohol by reading a book "Under the Influence". I began to understand how alcohol is one of the few substances that can pass the blood/brain barrier. I also learned that every cell of the body become addicted to alcohol for the alcoholic. It is powerful, and we are powerless.
Here is a link to a post on SR that contains excerpts from the book "Under the Influence"
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please stick around ~ we are her to support you!
Linkin Park Enthusiast
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 548
Personally, I would think she feels a tiny bit better after letting her secret out.
Also, she probably has depression, which is either causing or caused by the alcoholism, so she has to fix that too.
But she has to be the one to do it.
Also, she probably has depression, which is either causing or caused by the alcoholism, so she has to fix that too.
But she has to be the one to do it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
