steffanyh

I don't know what to do about my husband, he is an alcoholic and has been for quite a while he says that he just never cared to quit but now that me and my son are in his life he doesn't want to drink anymore. But he still does. I knew he had a problem and I asked him to cut it out and it seemed like he was but he would act like he was drunk sometimes when I cam home from work. So then I just turned 21 and thought that I could show him the difference between drinking out with friends and just going to the bar to get smashed and having liquor in the house everyday. That ended badly and I take full responsibility because I didn't realize having those few drinks would be so bad. So I told him that since he can't drink then I won't either. But I find that when he is home from work and I am not he sneaks money and goes up to the gas station with my 17mth old to buy alcohol, And other times I come home to find him acting like he has been drinks (its very obvious with him) and he insists that I'm wrong and always makes an excuse for his behavior. The household constantly has money missing and ironically it around the same time he acts like he has been drinking. He has left the house and left my son with my mother to go withdraw bill money from our joint account and when I get home I have to go bar hopping to find him. Then the next day he says he wants to change and he doesn't want to be this way but he just keeps doing it. And I have noticed its getting worse, if he isn't drinking he always its taking something that makes him feel off.. sinus medicine, cold medicine, Benadryl, caffeine pills and now my pain pills from my miscarriage are gone and he says he has no idea where they went. I feel like he just always has to be screwed up. I don't want to do this my father is an alcoholic and he left me for liquor and I'm not setting my kids up for them same.

I don't know what to do about any of this, please help me I don't want to have to leave but I don't know what else to do....

DAB

He needs to hit rock bottom.
There needs to be some major negative effect on his life caused directly from his alcohol abuse. For some it's a DUI, or other trouble with the law, losing a job, health problems, wife/gf leaving or threatening to leave.
As long as things go fairly smooth for him like you accepting his behavior and hollow promises/appologies, he will be unable to quit even though he may really want to deep down. Alcohol is his best friend right now, his mistress.
You need to do what you can to keep you and your son safe and happy.
You will never be able to change him, he has to do that on his own, in his own time.
Have a serious talk with him, see if he is willing to go to treatment or at the very least attend AA meetings regularly.
If he refuses, you know he is not anywhere near ready to quit on own until he hits that rock bottom that I mentioned above.
The best of luck to you!

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I am sorry for the reason that brought you here, but glad you found us. This is a wonderful resource of support.

Your husband's actions do not look like the actions of someone who wants to change. We have a saying around here: Stop listening to their words and look at their actions.

Alcoholics tend to lie, deny, blame shift and manipulate. It goes along with the addiction. The addict will say and do anything to protect their addiction.

When I first arrived here, I learned about the 3 C's of my husbands addiction:

I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I could not Cure it

The addiction belongs to the adult with the issue.

Please consider finding a local Alanon meeting for face to face support in your community. Also stick around here, we care about you.

Here is a link to another post that helped me when I lived with an alcoholic:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

jessiec

I can't tell you what to do about your husband. Because there really isn't anything you can do there. This is his issue, and as frustrating as it is, it's beyond your control -- short of leaving him.

But as for your precious son, i pray that you will protect him! He cannot be left with a someone who is not in his right mind and possibly drinking and driving. You mentioned your mom -- is she enabling/participating in all this?

Do you have friends, family who could help?

inpieces314

I personally would make sure that he does not have the baby while he is under the influence. EVER. Then he will at least be sober while he is around the baby (or not, in both cases the baby is better off).
Everything else will come as it comes. One step at a time, but that first step should be to protect your child.

steffanyh

Its just crazy because he takes awesome care of my son, he has never pulled a stunt like that with him.. He theoretically is a marvelous husband, works, helps with bills, cleans, looks after my son and I, cooks for me every night.. Its just If I don't keep an eye on him, he loses it or if we get into a fight he disappears, and I shouldn't have to babysit him or worry about if we don't agree him disappearing..and he doesn't drive he had a DUI from before we got together. Part of me thinks I should just pull away, my ex (my sons father) was a drug addict and thats why I left, because I realized he would never change.. I am just so scared right now, I feel like he is making me have no choice, I just wish he would change but I don't know if he ever will..

Hopeworks

The odds are simply not good that he will change... he drinks because he wants to and he will do what he has to to keep that alcohol in his life. This includes stealing money, lying, empty promises and taking your child with him on drink runs.

You have to decide if this is what you are willing to accept long term.

I found alanon to be a lifesaver when I was at your same crossroads. Seeking support and information is empowering, enlightening and eventually freeing no matter what you decide.

steffanyh

I don't know, I feel like he is all that I have left, I'm at odds with my mother, have been for a while but since his drinking has become apparent it has just made it worse. She keeps butting in and screaming at me when he isn't around and at him when I'm not around.... that helps everyone. I can't take any of it anymore. I honestly want to take my son get my own place and disappear. But that helps nobody...

suki44883

It helps you and your son. That is the only control you have anyway. You deserve better and your son certainly does. I know leaving isn't easy, but you did it once due to addiction, so you can do it again.

I hope you will look into Al-anon meetings for support.

Florence

Former young single mom. I married the A and had another baby with him. If you want to see how well that turned out, please read my past posts.

I recently came to the realization that my mom just isn't part of my support system, and never really was. That sucks because I wish she were, but she isn't. She isn't capable of supporting me. This is the second break up I went through where she defended my abusive ex because SHE can't handle the idea of being alone.

I don't want to disappear though. I've been looking hard at myself and realizing that I'm worthwhile, that I and my kids have a long life that could be really great if I decide to surround us with healthy people that make good choices and cope with conflict in healthy ways. So, I choose that. I'm going to find those people. This life I've been living isn't working for me anymore.

Today I'm separated from my ex and I'm asking for my mother's support VERY intermittently. I'm resetting my expectations so that I don't need her as a sounding board, and I don't rest my decisions and self-worth at her feet.

Keep reading and posting here.