My heart is smiling again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Mass
Posts: 149
My heart is smiling again
Since my last post I really began to realize I have given up my life for that of my family. So I began to think about what I want. My goals. My future. I'm working the steps and it was like I was hit with a ton of bricks.
I remember being in second grade and sitting at my desk praying that God would never let me marry an alcoholic. My dad was a raging alcoholic and at the age of 6 or 7 I knew that I didn't want that for my life. Last week when taking son to AA I saw an old friend. I had the biggest crush on this guy and things never worked out so that we were both not dating other people at the same time. After seeing him at AA, I found out he was an alcoholic and cocaine addict. It was at this time I realized that God has been in control of my life. He heard the prayers of a small child and even when I didn't realize it he was working.
My husband and I had planned to move to the ocean as soon as my younger son goes off to college. He is a senior in high school now. I put that dream on the back burner because I didn't think I could leave alcoholic son in the city without us to take care of him. I've given my kids 21 years of my life. Now, I'm going to take it back. My son is an adult and he is in AA and growing spiritually and working on his recovery. It's time I let him grow up.
As far as moving forward, I gave my son his car. The reason I did this was because someone on this forum who knows much more than I do basically said I was using the car as a bribe. Every time he came to get the car for school or AA I was grilling him wanting to know his every movement. It was me trying to control him. He has had the car for about 5 days and now he comes by daily to see us and talk. He has been sober for two weeks. Not long and the last time it was 3 weeks. There is a difference in his attitude this time. He is in God's hands and knowing how God took care of me when I didn't even know it I'm sure that he is in the best possible care.
Today, I'm smiling as I search for a new house. Knowing that my dreams are going to come true. I'm no longer putting my goals on hold because of the fear that my son can't live without me. I raised him and I raised him to be aloving, caring, responsible adult. I've done my part. The rest is up to him.
Thank you all for all your kindness and wisdom. I'm learning daily.
I remember being in second grade and sitting at my desk praying that God would never let me marry an alcoholic. My dad was a raging alcoholic and at the age of 6 or 7 I knew that I didn't want that for my life. Last week when taking son to AA I saw an old friend. I had the biggest crush on this guy and things never worked out so that we were both not dating other people at the same time. After seeing him at AA, I found out he was an alcoholic and cocaine addict. It was at this time I realized that God has been in control of my life. He heard the prayers of a small child and even when I didn't realize it he was working.
My husband and I had planned to move to the ocean as soon as my younger son goes off to college. He is a senior in high school now. I put that dream on the back burner because I didn't think I could leave alcoholic son in the city without us to take care of him. I've given my kids 21 years of my life. Now, I'm going to take it back. My son is an adult and he is in AA and growing spiritually and working on his recovery. It's time I let him grow up.
As far as moving forward, I gave my son his car. The reason I did this was because someone on this forum who knows much more than I do basically said I was using the car as a bribe. Every time he came to get the car for school or AA I was grilling him wanting to know his every movement. It was me trying to control him. He has had the car for about 5 days and now he comes by daily to see us and talk. He has been sober for two weeks. Not long and the last time it was 3 weeks. There is a difference in his attitude this time. He is in God's hands and knowing how God took care of me when I didn't even know it I'm sure that he is in the best possible care.
Today, I'm smiling as I search for a new house. Knowing that my dreams are going to come true. I'm no longer putting my goals on hold because of the fear that my son can't live without me. I raised him and I raised him to be aloving, caring, responsible adult. I've done my part. The rest is up to him.
Thank you all for all your kindness and wisdom. I'm learning daily.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Austin, Tx
Posts: 43
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I love to hear the personal triumphs of others. It gives me hope for my own future that I may find similar strength and serenity. I know being around an active addict is difficult, and our urge to control them and enable them is strong.
I admire your strength, and progress you have made to put yourself first, and lovingly detach.
Congratulations!!!!
I admire your strength, and progress you have made to put yourself first, and lovingly detach.
Congratulations!!!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear BlueSkies, I am so happy to hear about your progress. You have so much to look forward to!Please hang around here and post. There are many who have "lost" themselves, in one way or another, and rely on the experience and triumphs of others to guide them on their own journey.
You will have much to offer.
Sincerely, dandylion
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
BlueSkies, you made my heart smile too.
Like you, I gave up my life trying to save my son and orchestrate his recovery/addiction/recovery revolving door. There just came a time when I knew I was done. I said a prayer and gave his care to God and have never once asked for it back again.
I begin my days in prayer, asking God to watch over him, then live my life well, finding beauty in each day.
In a couple of weeks my husband and I will head to Florida for the winter, as we have done the past three years. This has always been one of our dreams, to escape winter in the south and each year brings new adventure and wonderful surprises. I am so grateful I let go and began living my life.
May you and your husband find your dreams and live them too. We've all earned the privilege and it's time to really live our lives well.
Hugs
Like you, I gave up my life trying to save my son and orchestrate his recovery/addiction/recovery revolving door. There just came a time when I knew I was done. I said a prayer and gave his care to God and have never once asked for it back again.
I begin my days in prayer, asking God to watch over him, then live my life well, finding beauty in each day.
In a couple of weeks my husband and I will head to Florida for the winter, as we have done the past three years. This has always been one of our dreams, to escape winter in the south and each year brings new adventure and wonderful surprises. I am so grateful I let go and began living my life.
May you and your husband find your dreams and live them too. We've all earned the privilege and it's time to really live our lives well.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Mass
Posts: 149
Checking back in to say I'm still smiling.
My son received his 30 day chip from AA today. He was very excited and happy. He has had one night where he went to a party and he said he went knowing he may drink but really not wanting to. He just wanted to be out with friends. He didn't drink and learned that he isn't ready for that.
As for my progress it is slow but I'm still chugging alone. I'm still looking for a house on the ocean. Have actually spent some time with a realtor so that makes it real. Also, I had a business venture put on hold for so many years that I didn't think I would ever do it. Well, it is being put in place and I have actually started working on the business plan. My entire family is happy because I don't have as much time to (micro)manage them.
Tonight my son and I got to talk for a while and he was talking about something he really wanted to happen. How it would change his life but it just had to happen. I told him the story about me as a 7 yo that I told in the original post of this thread and how God knew more than I did. He was actually able to relate to it and said that he was leaving it in God's hands.
I won't lie and say I'm completely where I should be. My husband wants me to go to counseling because he thinks I really need to deal with my issues with my dad and all the memories having my son drinking refreshed in me.
One day at a time.
My son received his 30 day chip from AA today. He was very excited and happy. He has had one night where he went to a party and he said he went knowing he may drink but really not wanting to. He just wanted to be out with friends. He didn't drink and learned that he isn't ready for that.
As for my progress it is slow but I'm still chugging alone. I'm still looking for a house on the ocean. Have actually spent some time with a realtor so that makes it real. Also, I had a business venture put on hold for so many years that I didn't think I would ever do it. Well, it is being put in place and I have actually started working on the business plan. My entire family is happy because I don't have as much time to (micro)manage them.
Tonight my son and I got to talk for a while and he was talking about something he really wanted to happen. How it would change his life but it just had to happen. I told him the story about me as a 7 yo that I told in the original post of this thread and how God knew more than I did. He was actually able to relate to it and said that he was leaving it in God's hands.
I won't lie and say I'm completely where I should be. My husband wants me to go to counseling because he thinks I really need to deal with my issues with my dad and all the memories having my son drinking refreshed in me.
One day at a time.
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