When "they" go NC
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 9
When "they" go NC
As much has I have distanced myself from my abf I still care what happens to him; he's my sons father. He has chosen to go No contact, it's kinda eating me up. I'd atleast like to know he is ok, but I have no idea how to look for him. I guess he's gonna have to hit bottom and resurface to the top. I have great sympathy for parents of alcoholics it must be so hard not knowing. No wonder we enable, to try and keep them safe.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
It has been 2 1/2 years sinced my Xah when NC, well he did showed up drunk once 9 months later, however I read here things that makes sense why? One was that they know how important my children are so he punish them by nc to hurt me.
Second they are self-seeking self centered so they don't care about our feelings or emotions.
Time will heal you, keep working the program, read and work the steps.
Second they are self-seeking self centered so they don't care about our feelings or emotions.
Time will heal you, keep working the program, read and work the steps.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Ugh
In my experience, do not "go there". No contact is so both of you can heal and move on. I tried recently to establish contact w/ axbf and found he is still a seething mass of anger and resentment. All it did was open up old wounds for me.
In my experience, do not "go there". No contact is so both of you can heal and move on. I tried recently to establish contact w/ axbf and found he is still a seething mass of anger and resentment. All it did was open up old wounds for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by ZiggyB 
Ugh
In my experience, do not "go there". No contact is so both of you can heal and move on. I tried recently to establish contact w/ axbf and found he is still a seething mass of anger and resentment. All it did was open up old wounds for me.
In my experience, do not "go there". No contact is so both of you can heal and move on. I tried recently to establish contact w/ axbf and found he is still a seething mass of anger and resentment. All it did was open up old wounds for me.
I was in pain and stunned by his cruel insensitivity for weeks afterward. He knew I was in love in him.
Ugh, don't go there is right. I decided that if he didn't care if he saw me, it was time I didn't care about seeing HIM.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I spent a long time worried when I was in touch with the A in my life.
I spent a long time worried when I was NC (regardless of who started/kept it) in my life.
When I started to learn that I did not cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it I think I actually became more worried.
Two things helped.
1. I realized that the only common person in all of the above was me, myself and I. My worrying was the same with or without the A actively in my life. What was worrying getting me? What was worrying costing me? I was expending a lot of energy. That helped a lot.
2. This might sound strange (and no offense meant if a higher power is not your thing). I came to realize that I had a higher power for me, and that my A had his own higher power. What I was capable of doing was praying to his higher power to help him find his way (I was just giving mine a laundry list of what I thought my A was doing wrong). This was strangely helpful and I felt like a burdened was lifted off of me, without having me having to lift a finger.
I spent a long time worried when I was NC (regardless of who started/kept it) in my life.
When I started to learn that I did not cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it I think I actually became more worried.
Two things helped.
1. I realized that the only common person in all of the above was me, myself and I. My worrying was the same with or without the A actively in my life. What was worrying getting me? What was worrying costing me? I was expending a lot of energy. That helped a lot.
2. This might sound strange (and no offense meant if a higher power is not your thing). I came to realize that I had a higher power for me, and that my A had his own higher power. What I was capable of doing was praying to his higher power to help him find his way (I was just giving mine a laundry list of what I thought my A was doing wrong). This was strangely helpful and I felt like a burdened was lifted off of me, without having me having to lift a finger.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
