Must Be the Full Moon last night
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 84
Must Be the Full Moon last night
The forum is hopping. All the A's must have been affected by the full moon.
It is so comforting to know your not alone is this world with this crazy person you live with. I just don't know what to think when I hear so many spouses/significant others go on about how lonley they are and sad after leaving the A. If your feeling sad and lonely, just remember, it only gets worse. I have been with my AH for 21 years as of yesterday. How I wish I had seen this forum 20 years ago. I hear from those whose A sobers up, than drinks again after a period of time, the spouses who think of threatening to leave. I feel like saying, 'calm down, NOTHING is going to change until YOU make it happen., I use to get all emotional, but it was just AH winding things up. My AH says I drive him to drink, or he has to drink to be able to deal with things. What that meant then was he had to start a fight so he would have an excuse to stomp out and go get drunk. I'd be left (with four kids) confused and bewilder as to what had just happened. Now, he just drinks. When he tries to fight, I walk away. When he gets ugly at one of the kids, I remove them from the situation. When he threatens to leave, I smile and say nothing. Its all about control for him. I finaly asked my 13 yo DD what she thought about us moving out. No shock, no dismay, just wanted to know how we would manage financialy. When you reach this point, the idea of being alone sound pretty good.
It is so comforting to know your not alone is this world with this crazy person you live with. I just don't know what to think when I hear so many spouses/significant others go on about how lonley they are and sad after leaving the A. If your feeling sad and lonely, just remember, it only gets worse. I have been with my AH for 21 years as of yesterday. How I wish I had seen this forum 20 years ago. I hear from those whose A sobers up, than drinks again after a period of time, the spouses who think of threatening to leave. I feel like saying, 'calm down, NOTHING is going to change until YOU make it happen., I use to get all emotional, but it was just AH winding things up. My AH says I drive him to drink, or he has to drink to be able to deal with things. What that meant then was he had to start a fight so he would have an excuse to stomp out and go get drunk. I'd be left (with four kids) confused and bewilder as to what had just happened. Now, he just drinks. When he tries to fight, I walk away. When he gets ugly at one of the kids, I remove them from the situation. When he threatens to leave, I smile and say nothing. Its all about control for him. I finaly asked my 13 yo DD what she thought about us moving out. No shock, no dismay, just wanted to know how we would manage financialy. When you reach this point, the idea of being alone sound pretty good.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 336
Hi I know how you feel, you're right it does not get better. It is difficult to leave I think when you have young children, I think I only was able to leave because my kids had grown up and left. The longer you stay the harder it is to get over. I think it's great that you are able to detach like that. I do wonder though about all the good times that have been missed out on by always being in that atmosphere. Glad you have managed to keep your sanity .
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