Nervous, interview, feeling anxious:
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 138
Nervous, interview, feeling anxious:
Nervous, interview, feeling anxious:
Okay today woke up feeling anxious. I have been apart and NC with ex-abf for three months, so why should I care. Today I’m off for my second round of interviews with a major company in my area that would be a career. Not just a job. I’ve been unemployed now for a year, was with my ex-abf for a year in a half.
The craziness was too much for me and when I’d interview in the past I think it was written all over my face that I had problems, plus he would keep me up all night with his drinking so I didn’t have a prayer to move into something healthy. I think deep down he know if I got away from him into a better environment I would figure him out and go back to my confident self and leave.
I’m in much needed of prayer or higher thinking to get me back to my positive thinking so I can get my garbage thinking out of my head just for a few hours today. Just looking for encouragement so I can move on in the face of so much internal pain I feel! I want this for me this time and for some reason it feels wrong? Why?
Okay today woke up feeling anxious. I have been apart and NC with ex-abf for three months, so why should I care. Today I’m off for my second round of interviews with a major company in my area that would be a career. Not just a job. I’ve been unemployed now for a year, was with my ex-abf for a year in a half.
The craziness was too much for me and when I’d interview in the past I think it was written all over my face that I had problems, plus he would keep me up all night with his drinking so I didn’t have a prayer to move into something healthy. I think deep down he know if I got away from him into a better environment I would figure him out and go back to my confident self and leave.
I’m in much needed of prayer or higher thinking to get me back to my positive thinking so I can get my garbage thinking out of my head just for a few hours today. Just looking for encouragement so I can move on in the face of so much internal pain I feel! I want this for me this time and for some reason it feels wrong? Why?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 350
Does it feel wrong because it's so new for you to take care of your own needs? That can be extremely uncomfortable.
Head high, shoulders straight, smile on your face - you know you are strong because of what you've lived through. It's obvious from your post that you are intelligent. You will be okay, you can do this!!
Head high, shoulders straight, smile on your face - you know you are strong because of what you've lived through. It's obvious from your post that you are intelligent. You will be okay, you can do this!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 138
Thank you and your right, I am taking care of me and it's a new thing. I use to do this all the time, but a year in a half of craziness I guess has shook me a little bit.
When I meet my ex-abf I sold timeshare, I would ask people for 20 – 50k at a time and was successful but then I went down the slippery sloop with him to then be laid off and getting my grove back has been a struggle.
So it’s time to brush off the dirt and get back into the game of life! Thank you all encouragement helps right now!
When I meet my ex-abf I sold timeshare, I would ask people for 20 – 50k at a time and was successful but then I went down the slippery sloop with him to then be laid off and getting my grove back has been a struggle.
So it’s time to brush off the dirt and get back into the game of life! Thank you all encouragement helps right now!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 138
Well I have had a good day! My interview went better than I could have dreamed. Don’t know if I got the position yet but it felt good to talk with real people that care for their company.
I for once did not think about my issues, my ex-abf and his issues, it CAN be done! I almost feel triumphant in a way. Today has shown me I can get me back. Something I just didn’t know if I would. I was at the point for so many months of crying daily just feeling so much pain I thought I was dying.
So it’s not about the job as much as feeling like I accomplished a feeling inside, the one that feel empty. The empty feeling I am working so hard to just kick to the curb, it is not needed anymore, so from today forward when I start down that rabbit hole I need to think of today, it was after all an accomplishment in a different way. Job or no job feeling whole inside again just for a few hours was the biggest relief I’ve had all year.
I for once did not think about my issues, my ex-abf and his issues, it CAN be done! I almost feel triumphant in a way. Today has shown me I can get me back. Something I just didn’t know if I would. I was at the point for so many months of crying daily just feeling so much pain I thought I was dying.
So it’s not about the job as much as feeling like I accomplished a feeling inside, the one that feel empty. The empty feeling I am working so hard to just kick to the curb, it is not needed anymore, so from today forward when I start down that rabbit hole I need to think of today, it was after all an accomplishment in a different way. Job or no job feeling whole inside again just for a few hours was the biggest relief I’ve had all year.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 138
My real test is today. I'm going back to the area to see my Mom where my ex-abf and I broke up. I have not been back in three months. The funny thing is I actually slept last night for 7 hrs. not something I've done for I don't know how long. The shift inside me is starting to happen like my therapist said and many of the wonderful people here on SR said will happen when I do the work.
Here is a quote that has hit me so hard this am that I have to share has helped me and I'm sorry I'm not sure who it was from but they nailed it:
"Alcoholics and addicts have the uncanny ability to make us own their lives and responsibilities and take care of these things for them. They create an "Us" that actually does not exist. And we accept those responsibilities and make ourselves nuts trying to manage more than our fair share. He is NOT your responsibility. He is a leech."
My being tired all the time was from him making it an "US" that really didn't exist. So going back home today I'm feeling stronger today and glad I waited a week, my gut told me last week I was still too weak to go help my Mom and be in that area. Now I think I can handle it much better.
Thanks to everyone here on SR - The encouragement, stories and wisdom is helping me find me again, that is priceless in recovery!
Here is a quote that has hit me so hard this am that I have to share has helped me and I'm sorry I'm not sure who it was from but they nailed it:
"Alcoholics and addicts have the uncanny ability to make us own their lives and responsibilities and take care of these things for them. They create an "Us" that actually does not exist. And we accept those responsibilities and make ourselves nuts trying to manage more than our fair share. He is NOT your responsibility. He is a leech."
My being tired all the time was from him making it an "US" that really didn't exist. So going back home today I'm feeling stronger today and glad I waited a week, my gut told me last week I was still too weak to go help my Mom and be in that area. Now I think I can handle it much better.
Thanks to everyone here on SR - The encouragement, stories and wisdom is helping me find me again, that is priceless in recovery!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 138
OH and I'm not wearing rose color glasses I'm sure there will be days I feel like crap again I just know it's not going to be as deep of a hole. I'm digging out one spoon at a time and one emotion at a time but that is okay with me know. At least I haven't given up.
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