Not a good day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: MA
Posts: 19
Not a good day
I don't post very often but I'm on here reading all the time.
Last night AH drank and he was so drunk he was completely out of control. The kids (8 and 3) saw him this way.
He passed out about midnight.
This morning, with the storm approaching our area head on I was getting ready. I did 't even notice he went to the liquor store and started drinking again. I said I was leaving. He went nuts. Screaming..telling the kids they arent going..telling them to take their shoes off..screaming at me.
We left and went to my sisters. I'm tired of being a bad mom. I'm a good mom and I love my kids more than anything...but when he drinks I'm not a good mom.
I'm so scared at what he will do. He was crazy mad. He has overdosed before. I'm so scared he will do something like that...at the same time there is no way I'm going over there.
This is so hard....I hate this disease and the person he becomes when it takes control.
I knows there's a line and boundaries. He has crossed all of these lines. I have not been great about holding them. I know all that. But I'm still so scared he is going to do soething terrible before he gets the chance to fight this At the same time, I know the choices he made.
I f'n hate this.
Last night AH drank and he was so drunk he was completely out of control. The kids (8 and 3) saw him this way.
He passed out about midnight.
This morning, with the storm approaching our area head on I was getting ready. I did 't even notice he went to the liquor store and started drinking again. I said I was leaving. He went nuts. Screaming..telling the kids they arent going..telling them to take their shoes off..screaming at me.
We left and went to my sisters. I'm tired of being a bad mom. I'm a good mom and I love my kids more than anything...but when he drinks I'm not a good mom.
I'm so scared at what he will do. He was crazy mad. He has overdosed before. I'm so scared he will do something like that...at the same time there is no way I'm going over there.
This is so hard....I hate this disease and the person he becomes when it takes control.
I knows there's a line and boundaries. He has crossed all of these lines. I have not been great about holding them. I know all that. But I'm still so scared he is going to do soething terrible before he gets the chance to fight this
At the same time, I know the choices he made.I f'n hate this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I am so sorry you are hurting; this is a terrible way to live and feel all the time. It consumes all of your energy to just stay on top of it.
One thing you wrote struck me particularly: "But I'm still so scared he is going to do something terrible before he gets the chance to fight this."
What's he waiting for? Have circumstances somehow prevented him from "having a chance" to fight this?
I ask because I am the Adult Child of an Alcoholic. From my perspective, my mother had the chance everyday to seek help with her drinking. And also my father had the chance everyday to take steps to protect his children from the effects of that drinking. Neither of them sought that help or those steps and the results were very sad for a lot of people.
Have you been to Al-Anon meetings?
One thing you wrote struck me particularly: "But I'm still so scared he is going to do something terrible before he gets the chance to fight this."
What's he waiting for? Have circumstances somehow prevented him from "having a chance" to fight this?
I ask because I am the Adult Child of an Alcoholic. From my perspective, my mother had the chance everyday to seek help with her drinking. And also my father had the chance everyday to take steps to protect his children from the effects of that drinking. Neither of them sought that help or those steps and the results were very sad for a lot of people.
Have you been to Al-Anon meetings?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: MA
Posts: 19
[QUOTE=SparkleKitty;3647352]One thing you wrote struck me particularly: "But I'm still so scared he is going to do something terrible before he gets the chance to fight this."
What's he waiting for? Have circumstances somehow prevented him from "having a chance" to fight this?
[QUOTE]
I should have said "before he comes to his stupid f'n senses. You are right though. It was posts on here making me realize that I have to do better to protect my children.
What's he waiting for? Have circumstances somehow prevented him from "having a chance" to fight this?
[QUOTE]
I should have said "before he comes to his stupid f'n senses. You are right though. It was posts on here making me realize that I have to do better to protect my children.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Ah. I see. 
Well, I guess then in my experience, you can't count on him to come to his f'n senses or he probably would have by now because he is lucky to have you and your kids in his life at all!
You also have to take of you, you know? Spending all that energy on other people is so tiring! Reading here is awesome. Trying face to face meetings or sessions with a therapist might be another step forward if you don't already do that.
We're here. I hope you keep positing. I am wishing you strength, hope, and courage.
Well, I guess then in my experience, you can't count on him to come to his f'n senses or he probably would have by now because he is lucky to have you and your kids in his life at all!
You also have to take of you, you know? Spending all that energy on other people is so tiring! Reading here is awesome. Trying face to face meetings or sessions with a therapist might be another step forward if you don't already do that.
We're here. I hope you keep positing. I am wishing you strength, hope, and courage.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 48
I know that we're not supposed to give advice, but here's advice for you to take or leave.
If he's screaming at you and the kids and clearly out of his mind, call the cops. He has already broken the boundaries. Ask your children to go upstairs or send them to a neighbors, close the door and call the cops. You don't want to wait until the situation escalates. He might never have raised a hand, but there is no assurance that he will not do so.
In my situation, calling the cops was a good call. It meant getting the neighbors involved which was frightening and scary. I thought that we presented the picture of the perfect family, but of course, they already knew.
Calling the cops protected my children and established a record. In my case, it caused my AH to go to AA. Not that this means a happy ending, but my children are safe for the time being.
If you really don't want to go back, gather the evidence that you have. Go to your lawyer and see about getting a temporary, emergency ruling for custody. I don't know much about these other than they exist.
I'm sorry if it seems like I'm going to extremes, but you must protect yourself in order to protect your children. Like the airlines say, put your air mask on first before putting it on others. Put on your air mask and brace yourself.
You are strong. You are a GOOD MOTHER!!
If he's screaming at you and the kids and clearly out of his mind, call the cops. He has already broken the boundaries. Ask your children to go upstairs or send them to a neighbors, close the door and call the cops. You don't want to wait until the situation escalates. He might never have raised a hand, but there is no assurance that he will not do so.
In my situation, calling the cops was a good call. It meant getting the neighbors involved which was frightening and scary. I thought that we presented the picture of the perfect family, but of course, they already knew.
Calling the cops protected my children and established a record. In my case, it caused my AH to go to AA. Not that this means a happy ending, but my children are safe for the time being.
If you really don't want to go back, gather the evidence that you have. Go to your lawyer and see about getting a temporary, emergency ruling for custody. I don't know much about these other than they exist.
I'm sorry if it seems like I'm going to extremes, but you must protect yourself in order to protect your children. Like the airlines say, put your air mask on first before putting it on others. Put on your air mask and brace yourself.
You are strong. You are a GOOD MOTHER!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
hadenoug, I have so very much empathy for what you are currently living. It is a complete nightmare to have an active alkie turn our lives upside down.
i think you made a very wise choice to go to your sister's. Hope you can take the time away from the A and begin to sort out your life. I always found distancing myself from the "crazytrain" allowed me to think and process what I needed to without the Alkie's unacceptable actions taking control of my already confused state of mind.
I know you know this, but it helped me to keep hearing it. YOU CANNOT SAVE HIM.
Peace and stay safe from the storm.
i think you made a very wise choice to go to your sister's. Hope you can take the time away from the A and begin to sort out your life. I always found distancing myself from the "crazytrain" allowed me to think and process what I needed to without the Alkie's unacceptable actions taking control of my already confused state of mind.
I know you know this, but it helped me to keep hearing it. YOU CANNOT SAVE HIM.
Peace and stay safe from the storm.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Your job is to take care of yourself and your children.
You are doing that by getting the kids out of there and some place safe during the storm.
You are a good mom. Stay focused on your job and life will work in a positive direction.
You are doing that by getting the kids out of there and some place safe during the storm.
You are a good mom. Stay focused on your job and life will work in a positive direction.
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