redatlanta

Been dealing this week with the sobering (no pun intended) reality of my AH relapse back into the bottle.

Then I get a call this morning from work - I have been there 14 years. It was my manager who is also my friend telling me that the owners of my company are in process of eliminating my job. I can't say this is a surprise as I ahve known of the company's financial struggles - but I guess we just think that day is further away then it actually is.

I have a couple of weeks to maybe the end of the year.

I know God doesn't put more on us than we can handle. Losing a husband and losing a job - and I am the breadwinner. Perhaps God is just pushing me to make changes that will better my life. I haven't been happy at work in a while and have certainly lost a lot of income over the past two years - I have been very distressed and often worried over AH relapse.

AH's issues now seem trivial and irritating to me when facing this. I don't care about them actually - maybe that is a good thing.

laurie6781

When I first came into recovery for my alcoholism and drug addiction I would hear the
folks in AA say "when one door closes another one opens." I didn't really believe it AT FIRST, lol but over these many years I have seen it happen time and time again, not only for me but for others that I have sponsored and to friends.

I do believe that as stressing as this is at the moment, you have been given an opportunity to start looking in earnest for another job, probably one more to your liking and maybe more exciting and enjoyable, whi8le you still have this one.

Remember, we are walking with you in spirit 24/7. We are always with you!

You can do this, maybe just maybe God is also giving you this opportunity to focus on YOU totally and not your AH. Take care of you, for in truth YOU are the only one you can help. This certainly is that opportunity. Start doing the footwork for YOU to find a better job.

Remember also that you can rant, rave, scream, cry and even laugh here. We do understand.

Love and hugs,

dandylion

Dear RedAtlanta, Oh my, I know how it feels---when the "ax" first comes down---it feels like the roof has just fallen in on us. Issues of survival flash before our eyes--especially when you are the breadwinner, the responsibility weighs heavily. And, everything else that was driving us crazy seems, suddenly, more trivial.

My attitude is: At first--feel the feelings--cry, be angry as h***, ventilate,
get it out. Then, after a couple of days, start making a survival plan. Start looking for the new doors to open. Search for the positives in the situation. Be willing to adjust to change--this is so important. Basically, look forward; not back.

I think you are right in some ways--this is an opportunity to take your mind from the enmeshment with your husband and focus the energy on YOU. This temporary job loss might be just the catalyst that you have needed to bring about some much needed change.

So many of us have been in your situation---and worked through it. I feel like I can say that we understand!

Remember the serenity prayer and take it a day at a time.

Please hang around and post as often as you want to.

dandylion

MTBChick

Redatlanta (((hugs))) I promise you it will get better! Back in May of 2011 I was laid off from my teaching job. Granted at the time I had no alcoholics in my life, but I was scared and nervous about my future bc I had just purchased a house during the winter. Like you I had been unhappy at my current job/school for quite a while and had said to myself I should look for a teaching job someplace else. However, fear kept me from taking any action on my own. Once laid off I had to make the conscious decision to turn it all over to my HP and believe as well as act as if I would find and have a new teaching job by the time all the public schools in my area would be going back at the end of summer for the new school year. I looked at it as I was going to just have summer break like all the other teachers. Having that mindset and turning it over is what I believe got me my current job... Bc I did in fact get a teaching job at the end of the summer and this is now my 2nd school year there. I'm thankful to my HP now for taking action for me when I was too scared to do it on my own. So maybe this is the same for you... Believe that it is and believe that your going to come out better & happier in the end! Hang in there!!

soexhausted

I too lost my job (that I did not like) and lost my AGF (who caused me so much pain and hurt) right at the same time.
My AGF came back. She was not gone for long. I was so relieved. Because what I realized while she was gone was that I had not lost one job, but two.
She took way more time and focus then any job could ever encompass.
With her in my life I had little time to think of let alone take the time of finding new employment.
My relationship with her finally ended.
I was devastated. Now I truly had nothing. Or so I thought.
This is when things started turing around for me.
I am working on a project that I have wanted to do for years.
But between my old job and girlfriend sucking the life out of me I never had the energy to pursue.
I do not know how it will turn out. But at least I am finally giving it a try.
I am nervous. I do not know what the future holds in store for me.
But I do know what the future had in store for me with my old job and XAGF. And that was pretty bleak.
So do not look at it like you have nothing.
Look at it that you have a new opportunity for everything.

Titanic

It is a devastating feeling. I'm so sorry for & empathize with you.

It is hard to seek and find a glimmer of light in this dark hallway.

But you're doing it! One Day at a Time.

Kudos.

redatlanta

Thank you all for your kind words. I have accomplished more in the past weekend towards moving forward in a new position than I have over the past two years just talking about it.

I did tell AH what is going on. He has always been very support of me and my career and was this time as well. Having this happen also allowed me to set some boundaries that I had been unable to come up with before. I simply told him that at this time I cannot handle any more stress and need to keep myself positive and well rested to get done what I need to get done. In other words I do not have time to be bothered with your decision to drink. I have put aside enough money for moving expenses, security deposits etc. so if (when) his drinking becomes an issue he can just move.

I also pulled back from a lot of the things that I do here in the house that he can and should do for himself. That happened long before he ever started drinking and I should have never let it be so unbalanced.

Anyway - for the time being when he drinks he is quite pleasant. I am hoping this "attitude" or whatever you want to call it will hold for a while. I am pretty sure it will change and that he at some point will become a nasty surly drunk.

His response was very mildly offended. For the most part supportive. He is really, really convinced he is only a social drinker now an that it will never get bad because "this time he is in control, it does not control him". Pretty chilling words as I have read that on SR several times. Must be the relapser's National Pledge of Allegiance.

choublak

Kind of unrelated, but this is exactly how my mom describes how I react to and handle things: "with choublak, when it rains it pours" she says.