Rosiepetal

One foot forward in front of the other & one day at a time.
You guys are doing fine.
Respect to you.

mdkathy62

Good evening everyone,

Fortunately, I haven't updated lately because I was doing pretty well. Yesterday, a conversation with a mutual person my ex and I know, they told me my ex called him drunk last week on Thursday at 2am feeling sorry for himself, saying that I made him relapse, I made him smoke weed, etc. Part of me wanted to go back to old ways and call and tell everyone I knew what injustice this was. Part of me wanted to give him a piece of my mind. It frustrated me so much that here is my ex, calling someone at 2am on a Thursday, drinking and driving again, and saying that he relapsed because I made him...but I pushed myself to let it go and went to Al-Anon today.

I feel better that I didn't call everyone I knew and talking about how ungrateful or horrible he was. I feel better that I didn't get sucked back in and try to contact me. I don't feel better that he still does NOT get it. The mutual person told him no one can make him drink or be sober, told him he needed to be honest with himself and stop blaming others. After that, he never heard from my ex again.

It's not my job to make my ex "get it" and I certainly can't make him. It's been 3 weeks now after I've left him and he still doesn't. All I can do is continue taking responsibility for the things I do. It's hard...It's frustrating, but when I heard this, it reminded me why I chose to finally leave my ex. It reminded me of the train wreck that I don't want to be a part of. It reminded me that I want more for my life instead of having to constantly justify myself and question myself.

SparkleKitty

He may never get it. Or if he does, you will probably be a long way down the road. You did great handling this. You should be proud!

mdkathy62

I'm proud of the way I handled it, but the thoughts are still swarming in my head. It's been two days and it still keeps popping up into my head. I keep trying to push it out, successfully for an hour or two, but then it comes back into my head. The anger, resentment, everything...I know that in order to move on, I need to let go of all the things he is saying and doing right now. This is what he needs to do to maintain his disease, to avoid the reality of what has happened, to continue to deny that he is responsible for his own actions, but it just sucks you know? It sucks that we have to sit here, face myself and my contributions to the disease, be honest with myself no matter how difficult it is, and he just goes about his way as if I'm this evil person. It sucks sometimes to have to be the bigger person, to let things go, be mature, and not let him get to me. I struggle so much with this because I know he most likely is waiting for me to hear what he's saying about me because the old me would contact him, and if he can still provoke any emotion out of me, it means he still has control over me...

Thankfully, no one but his one friend believes any of this. He's burned so many bridges and his actions have spoken over the past 3 years enough for him to now have no one but one friend left who is also an alcoholic with 3-4 DUIs. It will never make sense to me why two adult men will sit there saying that everyone else made their lives bad, when really they did it to themselves.

lovesunandsnow

Good for you for staying strong. It really sucks that they are the alcholic's but we are the bad guys! That is why thinking about everything only makes me crazy and I second guess everything.

I know deep down I didn't help him (ex-abf) like I should have but really I didn't know any better at the time either. I'd never been with an alcholic so I really thought it was me.

Keep making sense to yourself and stay strong. Great step to freeing you!