MTBChick

So, after dating this last guy for about 2 months I have gotten back out there in hopes to meet new people and am using Match.com. Anyway, it seems that men with addiction issues particularly with alcohol seems to contact me the most. It makes me laugh because, I know it's my HP saying MTB you havent finished working on you, so until your straight with yourself I'm not gonna send Mr.Right your way. I am working on me and getting things straight in my life it's a slow progress, but one where I am making noticeable progress! Thus, why I am laughing about the most recent guy who contacted me on match. He was very flirty from the get go, easy banter back and forth through messages on the site, I quickly assed my behavior and recognized a red flag I was getting to comfortable to quick... Something about this guy and the way we were communicating was too familiar to comfortable. Reading his profile more in depth I see he states he is a regular drinker. I ask what do you mean by regular. I know what it means to me. He replies he is a pint guy and normal fill measures no irregular quantities for him. To which I said that wasnt what I was asking what I wanted to know was if he drank every night. He replied 6-7 nights then asked is that a problem. My response yes for me it is then wished him well and good luck in his search. I'm proud of myself for being able to recognize what I did in myself and didn't deny it or sweep it under the rug. If I had done that I'm sure I would have ended up out on a date with this guy... Lol we all know how that would end. So, yes for now I might still be a magnet at least I'm aware and changing my behavior as I keep growing I'm positive I'm going to become a weaker magnet!!

itsmylifenow

That's awesome!

I've returned to the dating arena as well and was proud of myself after I had gone on a date with this guy I've known for over a year and there became some drama between him and another girl. She was saying he'd just been with some other woman and he was insisting she was a drama queen. And, I decided no thanks!! Not for me! It seemed like the louder he claimed it was all her and not him the further away I wanted to get.

I think having the triggers are a good thing. It helps to recognize the red flags and then enforcing boundaries around them. And, most importantly, being able to Walk Away!! Always been my problem. I always felt sorry for someone or didn't want to be mean to the underdog. Never worked in my favor when I did that.

As a side note, I have a date tonight with this guy I've gone out with once. First date he asked me if I wanted to go to his Christmas party in December and that it will be here soon enough. Asked me to switch my Saturday night plans with my gf so I could go out with him. And, tonight he wanted to come pick me up to go out or suggested we stay in and get a pizza and watch a movie. None of these things I'm feeling comfortable about. I'm going to see what happens tonight but it's way too much too soon. And, I no longer have any problem telling him that.

LifeRecovery

I am a couple of years out, and not quite ready to date.

I realized though that one of my fears regarding dating, meeting new friends etc is that I don't really have a handle on "healthy" drinking.

I don't worry about my own drinking. I don't know what is "normal"

I went to college and moved to an area that drinking was a big part of the social life (one I was not really a part of). I met my husband at 26 and honestly did not understand that binge drinking was not normal in a 32 year old until a little too late. I did get some clarification after asking my therapist yesterday and have some internal filters I can use now.

I don't want a 1 beer is okay, 2 is not kind of thing, but I don't trust myself yet to say, "Good luck to you, all the best but that is not okay with me."

So congrats MTB, and thanks for the knowledge that it can come when I am ready.

MTBChick

Life Recovery I consider myself an occasional/social drinker in that I might go out to dinner with friends a couple times a month and have a glass of wine with dinner or I might go to a wine festival and try differnt wines. For me I can take or leave alcohol I don't add picking up a bottle of wine/beer/liquor to my shopping list because it's not something that goes thru my head with gotta have it. Anyway, where was I going with this... I think normal is subjective to each person. I know my mom has a glass of wine every night with dinner never anymore than that and I'm pretty sure my dad has one too. So. I don't think there is anything wrong with that and that's because it's never more than 1 and they both could take it or leave it so if the world ran out of wine they both wouldn't think the world just ended. However, for me I can't date someone who drinks everyday it's my hard line. That paired with how I was initially reacting to this guy (which was so much like how I reacted to the two A's Ive dated before) told me I needed to change what I was doing to not repeat the same behaviors. It will come. For me the more aware and reflective of myself & my actions the more Ive become ready to make conscious choices that are in my best interest. Trust your inner voice I'm a firm believer that when I listen to mine I'm never lead astray.