Finally the truth
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by WishingWell 
WHY?
They have a disease, it's a mental illness or a brain dysfunction. Call it what you will. Why do some people have MS or why are some people bi-polar? There are no clear answers, unfortunately, to the why.
They have a disease, it's a mental illness or a brain dysfunction. Call it what you will. Why do some people have MS or why are some people bi-polar? There are no clear answers, unfortunately, to the why.
People with non-addictive terminal diseases do not generally go out trying to take in more of the stuff/people/situations that caused/led to/feed their disease.
People with non-addictive terminal diseases generally WANT TO LIVE! WITHOUT THEIR DISEASE!
People with MS don't go and seek more MS. They don't go out to feed their MS. They don't say: "I've got MS, I want more MS, I have MS therefore I can lie and cheat and steal and lie some more and f&ck over and lie to and cheat on and steal from everyone who is stupid enough to drive me to the hospital. Or do they?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Redatlanta, if you are looking into financial things before you separate, one thing I have found as I prepare the tons of paperwork for my divorce is that if you have joint bank accounts and/or credit cards, you need to be the primary cardholder on the account to control it. The secondary account holder has few rights after you are separated. I can't even get back statements on those accounts.
So, if you don't have it, get a credit card in your own name with as high a borrowing limit as possible. I set up a new bank and checking account at the time I left AH, and took half of all the balances since I didn't know if I would have access later.
When you are ready to go, if you decide to go, take your name off as secondary user on all of his credit cards so you are not accountable for his spending, and take his name off of all your credit card accounts.
Getting a credit report before you go would be very helpful, because it will show all the accounts with their account numbers and addresses. That can be very hard to get later.
If you haven't, you might want to go to a free consultation with an attorney.
It sounds as thought, even if you aren't legally married, your AH may have some legal rights, and it is better to know that beforehand.
Forewarned is forearmed - my very best to you.
So, if you don't have it, get a credit card in your own name with as high a borrowing limit as possible. I set up a new bank and checking account at the time I left AH, and took half of all the balances since I didn't know if I would have access later.
When you are ready to go, if you decide to go, take your name off as secondary user on all of his credit cards so you are not accountable for his spending, and take his name off of all your credit card accounts.
Getting a credit report before you go would be very helpful, because it will show all the accounts with their account numbers and addresses. That can be very hard to get later.
If you haven't, you might want to go to a free consultation with an attorney.
It sounds as thought, even if you aren't legally married, your AH may have some legal rights, and it is better to know that beforehand.
Forewarned is forearmed - my very best to you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 350
Second what ShootingStar said about being sure you aren't listed on his cards. After divorcing my Practice Husband, I learned that I was on one of his accounts. When I was applying for a mortgage. After he went bankrupt a few years after the divorce. NOT a fun experience.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Thank guys - we do not have any combined credit or accounts that part is easy.
I own the home so its not me who would leave it would have to be him. He does have rights there to stay as a resident. If he wanted to get really ugly I would have to evict him - that's about 90 days in my state. I prefer not to do that to him.
I think it better just to write him a check to leave immediately IF it comes to that. We have both put out a significant amount of money recently so its just something I am working on to figure out what it would take (while he does have an income I am the breadwinner). I do have attorneys that are helping me in case it comes to this. I already have a prepared waiver for him to sign giving up his rights of residency in exchange for $$.
This is being prepared for me. If it was me who could leave it would be much easier.
But I am still hopeful he will come to his senses - probably not but I do still have hope - I do love him.
Once my exit strategy is funded (lol) I will feel better.
I own the home so its not me who would leave it would have to be him. He does have rights there to stay as a resident. If he wanted to get really ugly I would have to evict him - that's about 90 days in my state. I prefer not to do that to him.
I think it better just to write him a check to leave immediately IF it comes to that. We have both put out a significant amount of money recently so its just something I am working on to figure out what it would take (while he does have an income I am the breadwinner). I do have attorneys that are helping me in case it comes to this. I already have a prepared waiver for him to sign giving up his rights of residency in exchange for $$.
This is being prepared for me. If it was me who could leave it would be much easier.
But I am still hopeful he will come to his senses - probably not but I do still have hope - I do love him.
Once my exit strategy is funded (lol) I will feel better.
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