Afraid of Intimacy With RAH
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 10
Afraid of Intimacy With RAH
Hi all,
My husband is almost two months sober (truly sober, not sneaking beers etc) and our youngest daughter is almost two months old. I have been cleared for physical intimacy, and while part of me is ready to go (sorry for TMI) I am avoiding it.
When I was 30 weeks pregnant I spent ten hours getting him out of bed, to the ER, then to detox. he completed detox, went through out patient, but was still secretly drinking. when our daughter was one week old, he relapsed big time, and I very seriously considered leaving. however, after a ton of soul searching, I felt like it wasn't the time, but made it clear that if it happens again, we are gone.
things are finally beginning to look up, he was hired at a new job last week (he lost his job after this last relapse, and has been off work without income until last week), he has made a lot of changes, and I can see the differences between now and the last time. he has accepted christ into his heart and every week he is stronger in his faith. he goes to AA six gays, sometimes seven days a week and has an official sponser plus a few unofficial sponsers. he really is doing 100% better, especially from where he was.
but, I know it's early in recovery. this is about where we were when he relapsed the last time (although he want truly sober before), and I am so scared to "let him in"again. I've been so hurt and if he were to relapse again it would kill me, especially since I'd have to take our beautiful kids and leave. a part of me is craving the closeness, but the majority of me is terrified.
any advice or insight? we are committed to each other and our marriage, and I have zero concern about him straying. I just can't get over this fear. thank you.
My husband is almost two months sober (truly sober, not sneaking beers etc) and our youngest daughter is almost two months old. I have been cleared for physical intimacy, and while part of me is ready to go (sorry for TMI) I am avoiding it.
When I was 30 weeks pregnant I spent ten hours getting him out of bed, to the ER, then to detox. he completed detox, went through out patient, but was still secretly drinking. when our daughter was one week old, he relapsed big time, and I very seriously considered leaving. however, after a ton of soul searching, I felt like it wasn't the time, but made it clear that if it happens again, we are gone.
things are finally beginning to look up, he was hired at a new job last week (he lost his job after this last relapse, and has been off work without income until last week), he has made a lot of changes, and I can see the differences between now and the last time. he has accepted christ into his heart and every week he is stronger in his faith. he goes to AA six gays, sometimes seven days a week and has an official sponser plus a few unofficial sponsers. he really is doing 100% better, especially from where he was.
but, I know it's early in recovery. this is about where we were when he relapsed the last time (although he want truly sober before), and I am so scared to "let him in"again. I've been so hurt and if he were to relapse again it would kill me, especially since I'd have to take our beautiful kids and leave. a part of me is craving the closeness, but the majority of me is terrified.
any advice or insight? we are committed to each other and our marriage, and I have zero concern about him straying. I just can't get over this fear. thank you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I agree with Florence -- trust your instincts and take your time. Your OB/GYN can tell you when you are physically ready for intimacy but only you can decide when you are emotionally ready for it. If your husband is in recovery, he should be understanding about this.
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