NWGRITS

Today is one of those days when I'm glad there are 3,000 miles between my family and me and my kids. My grandmother is adamant that allowing the kids to talk to AM (their grandmother) won't hurt them. And I'm adamant that a snowball has a better chance in hell than she does of talking to them. I can't allow her to put her toxic venom in their heads and try to make me look like mean, unfair mommy. I simply told my grandmother that I wish someone would be willing to take her to Al-Anon so that she can truly understand alcoholism and why I can't let her talk to them. It's not gonna happen.

I'm trying to fight the knee-jerk reaction of feeling guilty and questioning whether or not I'm doing the right thing. Just because my grandmother took on raising us, I'm not in debt to her for anything. She had options to get us out of there, but instead she chose the stance she's now trying to take with my kids. I hate this, I really do.

Cyranoak

I'm sorry. You are doing the right thing.

C-

dollydo

All I can say is that I totally agree with your decision.

NWGRITS

Thank you, Cyranoak and dollydo. I love having a place where I can come be open about my feelings, and be reassured that I'm taking the right path. The big part of my recovery that I'm struggling with right now is the anger toward my grandmother that has surfaced since the incident that caused me to go NC with AM and detach from her family in the first place. I spent my life thinking my grandmother was so wonderful and all-powerful, and that she protected us by raising us in our home with AM. The truth is, she had options to get us out of an alcoholic home, but she chose to keep us in that environment instead. Her codependency kept her glued to AM, thereby keeping us kids glued to her. When I did think once that I wanted to go live with my dad (not an addict), they let me, and then spent the whole time manipulating me into thinking it was horrible and that I really wanted to come home. So, that's what I did.

I've found myself getting lost in the what-ifs lately, and that's not a good place to be. It serves no purpose other than to hold me back in my recovery. I can't go back and change my past, but I can move forward with a better future for myself and my kids. I can protect them. I can provide a healthy home for them, free of the abuse that comes with AM and that part of the family.