rdlesstraveled

RAexbf called my work (he has no other way to contact me, all other methods are blocked).

Out of sheer curiousity I picked up the phone (because for some reason I felt different..... I felt, errrr stronger?)

I answered with a neutral voice, which totally caught him off guard (hee hee). He starts the conversation asking if I had a copy of an email I had sent to his mortgage company several months ago. Again , I reply in a neutral (totally not interested) tone and said that I doubted I had it (I knew that I didn't have it and even if I did, would not send it). He then proceeds to ask how I am, I answer "Great! Couldn't be better actually...and you?"

A = "Well I have been sober for 14 days now. I messed up twice, but got back in to the program"

Me = "good, I am glad"

A = "you are?"

Me= "Yes, I am glad that you are getting healthy"

A= "So are you going to unblock my number so that we can talk later?"

Me= "No, I am not. My life is going well and your life is going well and this is best. We have no reason to talk"

A= "You don't want to talk later?"

Me= "No. Look I have to go"

A= "Do you know K?"

Me = (stupidly fell for it..... errrr) "Yes, I know her. We went to highschool together and are facebook friends."

A= "Well I went to N's house this weekend and I saw her. She is really skinny, I mean she is pretty, but she is skinny, ya know? We talked about you." blah, blah, blah.....

Me= "uh-huh, really? OK I am getting off the phone now" (I then hang up)

I immediately logged on to my friend's facebook page....... Her status update "The only good thing that happened this weekend is that "A" is single!!! "

I about lost my lunch. I felt so sick and so hurt.

But I knew though...... deep inside, I knew. Because when A and I were dating he had mentioned her once, totally out of the blue (and it was odd....)

So I unfriended her on facebook (soooo juvenile!). I know that people can date whomever they want, but this is the first time that a "friend" has done something like this to me...... And she knew, she totally knew that I dated him. This was no coincidence or accident. After he brought her name up months ago I had sent her an email asking if she knew him and/or dated him (she totally avoided the question) but in response she stated that she hoped that he and I work things out!

And she had the audacity to post that obnoxious, rub it in my face status update, knowing I would see it, and him calling me, talking about how they talked about me(setting up the bait) OMG, I can't even believe it.

So, ironically, this was the nail in the coffin for me. There is no second-guessing, there will be nothing, notta from me...... not even friendship for "A" and I.

In my mind (god bless him, I hope he gets the help he needs) he is nothing to me. Previously I would never say and/or write this because I am a people pleaser (and just assumed one day he would get healthy and all would be well...) But nope, I cannot disrespect myself anymore. I love myself so much more than this..... And I think that is the key (for me at least). I have been hard on the wrong person (me) and not hard enough on others. I have needed to clean house ages ago....

Thank you for reading my post. And thank you for all of your stories. We help each other out more than we realize.

choublak

He couldn't get his way (having his number unblocked) so then he tried to screw with you emotionally.

Learn2Live

So you see he hooked you, right? And you see how he hooked you and what you did to allow yourself to get hooked?

But where you are flat-out wrong is where you say your unfriending her on FB was juvenile. No, it is not juvenile. In fact, it is the mature thing to do. Protecting yourself from what you already know is going to hurt you is the right and mature thing! I'm glad you did this for yourself. Way to go. Sounds like you had some good practice today! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and make a plan for what you are going to do next time he calls

RollTide

Be done with both of them. My "unfriending" her you took a step to stay out of the toxic goo.

Pray for her because more than likely she is about to go on a ride from hell.

backtolifeforme

I agree with Learn2Live, it's not juvenile to take action to protect yourself & emotional state. Now, if you'd sent her a scathing message lambasting her in addition to deleting connection on Facebook - that would be juvenile.

ZiggyB

Ugh, that totally sucks. I don't know why is he still calling you to tell you these things. Probably to make you jealous and get a reaction out of you, what an as*hat thing to do.

I actually removed myself from Facebook a while ago and am glad I have nothing to do with him or his friends. Whomever he is dating now, I have no idea but feel sorry for the person whoever it is. :-/

rdlesstraveled

over and over again I see how important "no contact" is. It is imperative for one to step back and realign oneself. Unfortunately that other person knows how to push buttons and get to you. I used to think "no contact" was mean, but it is mean not to....... I now see that it is crucial for healing.

SadHeart

She's wrong: A is not single; A has a passionate relationship with alcohol.

You were not juvenile and you handled the phone call nicely.

He set you up: he hooked up with N (or whatever he did), then rushed to let you know. She's his dupe; but he's demonstrating how upset he is with your detachment; if he didn't care about your moving away from him emotionally, he wouldn't have bothered to let you know about N using a fake pretense of an old email. He's having trouble getting over you--and she's going to get slaughtered.

Tuffgirl

Absolutely correct, may she enjoy not being a priority...!

Well done, rlt, and I agree, un-friending her was a wise choice.