SundayGirl2012

So, a family wedding tomorrow - and hence a road trip today. ABF has been looking forward to this event, he likes my family.

I think ABF and I are in the process of splitting up. ABF thinks he's going to demonstrate that he's got his drinking under control and then I'll let him move back in again and we'll live happily ever after.

ABF was due to pick me up at nine thirty am. I'd had no texts last night or early this morning, which usually means he's having a binge. So I concluded there'd be no ABF, no car, no road trip. So, I googled the train times and made a different plan.

Then I started thinking of all the benefits of my new Plan B: I can do loads of reading on the train, I'll sleep really well without drunken boy snoring beside me, I can spend more time with my sis without having to do what drunken boy wants to do. I was really looking forward to it. I felt a little sad that ABF would be missing out on some high quality time with my family. But I concluded that was his choice, and anyway, I was going to enjoy the time more as a result.

Anyway, he phoned 5 mins before the nine thirty deadline saying he was on his way to pick me up. My first reaction was disappointment that I wouldn't be following Plan B after all.

I think that's a step forward for me: a couple of months ago I'd have been wailing by 8am because I just knew he was about to let me down again and by now (9.45am) we'd have had a gigantic argument, he'd have zoomed off to have a consoling binge and I'd be exhausted, furious and full of pity and loathing about myself. And we'd both be late for the family do and grouchy when we got there.

So, I'm feeling more positive about the next few days than I expected to feel. I'm going to spend time with my folks, including the 'new branch' of the family. If ABF gets drunk, he gets drunk. I'm planning to spend some time with the people in my family I like spending time with.

Take care all
SG
x

dollydo

Glad to see that you are thinking ahead. Since you had not heard from him, he very well might
have been on binge, me, I would have opted for plan B. I don't do discourteous very well. Sorry, I didn't hear from you, I've made other plans.

In any case, enjoy your visit.

SoBroken

Congrats on the step forward, SundayGirl! Good for you - giant pats on the back! And Dolly..Im with you on the discourteous thing. After decades of being lied to, let down, disrespected, and offering countless "one more chances", I have raised the bar so flippin high that I will likely spend the rest of my life being single. (SINGLE, does NOT mean UNHAPPY). Its my life now. If I choose to maintain what might be perceived by some as "unrealistic" expectations, it is my business. I dont just want respect...I demand it.

NYCDoglvr

I hope he doesn't decide to prove he can drink after getting behind the wheel of a car.

Titanic

Or that he was still in his "wet brain" while driving! All will go well because you've gotten in the real driver's seat!"

Keep us posted!

SundayGirl2012

Just back from the trip and all went well - ABF mostly stuck to his self-imposed rule of drinking only beer, apart from the couple of occasions when he snuck some wine. It's a strange rule but he's convinced he works for him.

Anyway, he behaved fine - he got stuck in to helping with all the arrangements, was pleasant to everyone and seemed to enjoy himself. I had a lovely time. I'm really pleased I was not just physically present but able to appreciate and enjoy the company of my family. Previously I'd have been so wrapped up in worrying how much ABF was going to drink, I wouldn't have appreciated anything else.

Thanks for all your good wishes. I still think that ABF and I are splitting up, as I don't think he'll be able to stick to his self-imposed limits - and I can't tolerate the binge-drinking behaviour. Let's see what happens.

Thanks again for all your support
SG
x

NWGRITS

I'm willing to bet a donut that he isn't able to keep it up much longer. The only way for them to truly make it to recovery is to stop any and all alcohol consumption, period. I can't tell you how many times my AM has cut back and found some excuse shortly thereafter for why she HAD to drink (her bank account balance got too low, someone/something stressed her out, etc.). Keep us posted.

Titanic

While he's doing whatever he's gonna do (you're powerless over it & him), you tend to YOU!

Have you gone to any Al-Anon meetings?