lil'bit

First, let me say it's me -- Littlebit -- just somehow my old spelling wasn't showing up and there was no record of my email address, so I re-registered with a different spelling -- but, same ol' me! Don't know if I just got lost with the board crash, or what...

Okay, now the question -- This past weekend, H got drunk and stumbled, breaking a lovely little side table that his folks gave us. (This was after I went to bed.) Next day, before I even had time to think, I said "oh dear, what happened here?" when I saw the broken table. He acted like he had no idea what happened, either. (Okay -- we don't have kids or pets, and it is just the two of us, so....). Anyhow, I felt a bit disingenuous letting that pass, so I finally said "Okay, I'm only going to say this once and then let it go, but I'm presuming you broke the table when you were drunk." He looked sheepish, then admitted that he did. We even laughed a little about how ridiculous it was for him to act like he had no idea....

Question is this -- I like the table, I'm sad that it is broken, I don't like looking at it sitting there broken, and I think it can be fixed. Which is more detached...asking him to fix it, or doing it myself? If I ask him to fix it, I make further issue of it getting broken in the first place. If I fix it myself --- well, I'm pretty committed to not cleaning up his drunken messes. Is there a right answer to this????

Dust Bunny

Hiya. I'm new here. I've been attending local Al Anon meetings for the past few months so I hope my advice is of some merit.

I feel you could ask him to repair the table. Give him the opportunity to make amends for his behaviour. If he fails to repair the table for whatever reason, don't make a big issue about it. You like the table so it would be in your own best interest to have it repaired.

Helping Myself

I'm just starting with the whole al-anon and detachment issues, but I agree with Dust Bunny. He broke it so he should fix it. My bf has stumbled and broken different things too when he has been drunk, but there was no fixing the things he broke. If you're table can be put back together, he should at least try to fix it.
:slider:

McKrazy

it's a tough issue. I've cleaned up orange juice off the lampshade, beer out of the carpet, vomit from the bedspread.... yada yada. This spring while gardening I found well over 50-60 empty cans around the yard (big yard!). I really didn't want them around for the kids to find, but so resented being the disposal queen, so my solution (I'm not saying this is right or wrong, just sharing) was to put them in a bag and dump the bag in his closet. Somehow that seemed the right thing to do at the time...... and voila', they were miraculously thrown away at some point as they are no longer there..... well, that was one way to deal with it, I suppose.

JT

Mctired...you sound like me. That is something I would do.

Littlebit...if I think if I could do a better job I would probably just do it. Or in my case I might take it out to be fixed and write the check...Ward HATES spending money! LOL!

JT