FlyerFan

No, they're well aware of the program, we have several employees who are part of it. They have been expecting this to happen for years and now that its happening they're all just going about their lives as if nothing is wrong. I guess thats how some people deal with things I dont know. But they can't make him stop either, and they know they cant.

I mean I don't really know what will happen at this point, but I have prepare myself for the very worst and I think the family has as well. We don't know when, maybe soon, maybe months or a year from now, who knows. But if he continues abusing his body it will happen one day.

Fandy

You might just want to respect the family's privacy too.
If anyone presumed to hand me AA literature , i'd consider it very presumptious.
If they ask or open the conversation, its different, but at the workplace, myob.

tomsteve

flyerfan, i am glad to see you are selfless and reach out to try and help. that "try to carry the message" can be a bugger to accept that not everyone is responsive. but dont forget that others will want the help when you reach out.
trudgin the raod to happy destiny can be a bugger,too. we are with you.

Fandy

Flyerfan posted this originally as an observation about her employer. She sounds like a truly compassionate woman who is seeing someone very ill who chooses to not discuss his health or take time off from work.

She perceives him to be very ill from advanced alcoholism, but if he hasn't personally discussed his health issues with her, it's just that, her perception and opinion.

She's rec'd some helpful suggestions on how to deal with her situation....Promoting AA to someone who doesn't want it, (especially in her place of employment) isn't in the topic.

tomsteve

forgive me for my ignorance, fandy. but it sure seems that your last post has nothing to do with the topic and should be dealt with in a PM if you have a problem. but then again, thats just my opinion which others dont have to agree with.

FlyerFan

I'm not promoting AA to him or his family. They already know that I am in the program and they would seek my help if they wanted it.

I was merely talking about it in order to help myself deal with it better and accept it. He hasn't discussed his health with anyone but we have all watched him drink excessively for years now, and I know the signs of liver failure when i see them so if you put two and two together its kind of common sense.

The family had a sit down with him a little while ago but that didnt last long and may of them left upset, so I can only assume he told them what he told the rest of us "leave me alone!"

Its just a very sad situation. And I'm not the only one who has come to the same conclusion, its jsut that we all know whats going on and nobody can help. Naturally as humans we want to help each other and in a situation like this we cant, until they seek it and allow help to be given.

Today someone asked him if he planned on stopping drinking, and he said and I quote exactly "I'll never stop" so that only continues to frustrate those around him. Personally I can understand that because I have been on the other side of the fence. When I drank i didnt want anyone around, I wouldnt take advice or help. Only when I hit rock bottom did I want and seek help.

I don't know if he has hit rock bottom, it doesnt really matter if he has or not at this point his health is diminishing vastly each day.

But you are right about one thing, I do care and Im very compassionate. that's why it hurts to much to witness this happening.

Thanks all for your insight and opininions. And as this person said this topic isn't about AA. Its about helping each other through tough times, not pushing recovery on people who arent seeking it (trust me, i love AA very much, but before I wanted it, i hated it and didnt want to hear about it at all)

A friend of mine says "unfortunatley some of us have to die, so that others can live" and I am beginning to see what he means.


EDIT: again i didn't start this thread to have a debat. if you want to argue take it somewhere else. I posted here looking for other peoples experience with a situation like this.

FlyerFan

Another update, not a good one. The physical deterioration is getting exponentially worse day by day. Today the family begged him to go to the hospital and he refused to and continues to pretend that absolutely nothing is wrong. Speech and walking have become toddler like at this point and everyone is at a loss as to what to do....as nothing can really be done.

At this point I am just praying more and asking God (my higher power) to ease his pain and if that means he has to die then i guess thats how it has to be. I just pray that he doesnt harm anyone else in the process.

I wanna thank you all for the kind words and support. Please keep them coming, I need strength!

Tuffgirl

Prayers from me today, FF. It must really suck watching it unfold and feeling powerless.

FlyerFan

Thank you. I will keep you posted on what happens, but I just have a strong feeling that I know the inevitable is coming. At least I can prepare myself for it if that is the case. God bless all of you here for your love and support.

suki44883

People die from alcoholism. It's just a fact of life. My father never admitted he had a problem with alcohol, even when he spent the last year of his life bedridden, yellow, swollen, and unable to keep much of anything on his stomach. He still drank beer and refused to go to the hospital until he had a seizure of some sort and his wife called 911. He died 5 days later. Some people just refuse to admit the obvious.

FlyerFan

Yes you are right. This is just my first time dealing with it directly like this. I want to say that I hope it gets easier after the first one, but I don't think that is the case.

suki44883

I don't know that it gets easier so much as you learn that you really are helpless if the addict refuses to even acknowledge a problem. You become better at protecting yourself from the devastation. You don't stop caring though.

tomsteve

my prayers go out to you, flyerfan, for strength,courage, and wisdom.
it can still be tough to see and/or watch.the things that has gotten easier for me to practice are acceptance and compassion.

Lenina

How anyone can see something like this and deny its a disease is beyond me. I am so grateful to be in recovery, so grateful today we are all better educated on the progression of this disease, grateful for all the folks before us, especially the early old timers who worked so hard to get it recognized and found treatments. Who worked to lessen the stigma. Who helped the Families and loved ones learn ways to cope.

We don't have to die any more. We can and do recover. Some folks just can't though. But we have to keep reaching out and educating the young ones.

Recently I have known three folks who died directly from alcohol. It's a terrible thing. I have some guilt over one, maybe I should have done more? Trying to remember what exactly tipped it for me. When and how did I realize I didn't want to die from this thing.

I guess we carry the message. We can offer the hand of friendship.

I'm sorry to be babbling here. I don't write well. Please just know I do care and offer my best thoughts up for this loved one, his friends and family.

Love from Lenina

sandysue

Flyerfan - I know it's not easy to watch. My A is now in a nursing home. He is yellow-orange, has the distended belly from ascites, and other physical aspects that make him look way past his 37 years. I don't know how much time he has. I just want him to be as comfortable as he can be. It's so sad to see him like this - everyday I go to visit though and just visit - I don't go sad or overly happy - I just try to spend time with him however he wants. Yesterday evening he was in some pain so I didn't stay. During lunch, he wanted to sleep, so I laid in bed with him.
It's not fun or easy - but it's all I can do and it's what I want to do at this point.

I know this is your boss - but I guess I would approach the situation with compassion and treat him with respect and kindness. It sounds like you are already.
Take care and hang in there.

FlyerFan

The family gave him an ultimatum today that he check himself into the ER or they will. We'll see what happens. I don't see him checking himself in so I'm sure today is going to be a tough day for everyone.

Fandy

The hardest thing to see is that someone would prefer to die instead of getting medical care. My xhuband died in his sleep of non treated symptoms directly related to his alcoholism. He left our daughter to clean up,the mess he made of his life, finances.
I think he died of stupidity.

Loughborough

FlyerFan, Just know that I am thinking of you also. I have been following your updates.

FlyerFan

Well he was admitted to the ER this afternoon, unwillingly. I still think the physical damage is far too much to turn him around, but there is nothing to do now except wait.

Lenina

My favorite part of an AA meeting was at the end where we have a moment of silence for those who still suffer. I do believe in the power of concentrated thought/prayer. I will think of him, his family and all who love and care for him today.

Love from Lenina