This is hard
 

I'm at work. I am used to emailing frequently my exABF & it is taking every inch of my strength not to email him & make contact. Why am I even wanting contact? Deep breaths & fighting it.

Be strong! You can do this.

Post! Read! Email someone else! It's hard because it's a habit and it's comfortable. I hope you hang in there because from what I have read on your other threads you are doing great!

Today, all relationship problems are in ones face all day long, we can text, email, cell call. IMO it was so much easier before, one went to work and the problem wasn't in their face 24/7. I went to work and left the BS at the door.

It is difficult, however, you can do this, concentrate on your work, keep busy, you are heading in the right direction, keep moving forward.

Keep posting, it will help, we are here for you.

Kind of like an addiction, eh?

It gets easier over time...try to find other things to distract yourself with.

Take a very large deep breath and let the moment pass - you'll get there, stay strong

It's withdrawal, it's a terrible feeling.

I'm sorry it's upsetting you. xo

I wanted contact because of my own codependency.

But guess what? Guess who sought me out this past Saturday, and did so whileTRASHED at 7 pm? You guessed it, the AXBF. The irony of it all, the AXBF that demanded no contact from me drove drunk to confront me about calling his parents about his alcoholism.

Guess what else? I feel worse now after contact with him. I wouldn't have believed it, but I feel worse. More questions unanswered, just as I was beginning to feel a bit better. Not great, but I was better. It was a major setback.

Big hugs to you!

It's the normal thing that happens when a relationship ends. You get so used to talking to someone it gets difficult to divert your attention elsewhere. Be strong!

Peaches08, I am so sorry.
Wouldn't surprise me if this happens to me either. Do you ever feel angry that his own family didn't help him more because I do.
At least you can see he is really out of control. Sorry it set you back.
Big big hugs x

I had to keep reminding myself that I was missing the guy that " I WISHED HE WAS/ OR WISHED HE COULD BE"

The bottom line, I was loving and missing someone that DID NOT EXIST.

I told my AXGF on Thursday that I needed a break. She reluctantly agreed. She was to come over that afternoon to pick up a few of her things. I decided to pack up everything of hers. I decided to once and for all make the hundredth of many breaks a permanent one.
She did not want to let me go. After spending some time talking and me knowing her well enough by now I knew there was something she was not telling me.
After my pushing hard enough she finally confessed that she had met someone in sober living.
I told her that I never wanted to see or talk to her again.
Why do I bring this all up?
Because I have been thinking all day of writing her an email to explain myself.
Explain myself to a girl that lied and deceived me. A girl that wanted to keep me in her life while seeing someone else. And why not? It will not be easy to find an enabler like me.
So why do I so want to contact her?
Because this is my disease! This is my addiction!
She takes shots of vodka. I take shots of her.
I have been attending an Al Anon meeting everyday. Often times twice a day.
By breaking up with me and starting a new relationship just 3 weeks out of rehab she is obviously not working her program very hard. I am powerless to how serious or not she works her own program. Nor should it be any of my concern.
Buy I do have power over my own life.
And so do you.
I do not want the life I had with her back.
So I must fight my addiction with the help of others.
You and I must go no contact. One day at a time.
Take care of yourself!

Oh wow, needed to see this!

I haven't officially gone no-contact, but I am definitely decreasing contact.

I've been struggling all day with not contacting my AH; in the past 45 minutes he's called my cell 3 times, but left only a cryptic message. The codie in me is itching to call him back. The makes-better-choices me is telling me "cryptic message = drinking!" and "you know you are addicted to him, so go read SR and let this feeling wash over you and don't pick up the phone."

Argh! It's arghravating!

Thanks for posting this thread.

Meh, all of us codies will get through this.

I'm mostly angry at myself. I'm stronger than this...quit thinking about him, peaches!!!

soexhausted, I admire your self control. I will not put in font what I would have done. :c004:

Thanks soexhausted, that was really helpful, thanks.
Peaches we must fight it.

Soexhausted, you're post hit it right on the money!

I went through major withdrawal from xabf a few weeks ago. It's been 7 weeks now and the waves of desire to call him have subsided considerably to almost non-existent. But, I was fortunate to have read so many others experience and advice about NC and the withdrawal from my addiction to him. My favorite analogy was the feelings of withdrawal were just like waves. You just had to sit and let them wash over you and wait for them to pass. I found that to be really helpful.

Then every time I wanted some kind of contact with him I reminded myself he was a lying, cheating, ******* who sucked everything out of my life. After that I thought of every time I'd been free of him and what happened when he came back. How even just seeing him triggered something and made him start contacting me again. And, how he weaseled his way back into my life over and over and what it took every time to escape.

Once I got that all down the withdrawal became easier until it doesn't exist. And, every once in awhile when the urge hits for whatever reason I can get rid of the feeling pretty quick.

No matter what substance you're withdrawing from -- alcohol or another person -- it is painful. I couldn't have done it without the support of Alanon, where I learned "it's only today I have to get through." One day at a time, I let go.

Withdrawal is one thing. The one you fell in love with is not this person and is away.

Rejection is more. They are away because they chose to leave - reject us as a person, as a partner, as a spouse.

Abandonment is worse. Not only did they choose to leave but they left us with chaos for our children, housing, education, family, finances, employment, and social lives.

Humiliation adds another layer of pain. Not only did they choose to leave us with chaos but they left us hopping in bed with someone at rehab, AA/NA meetings, work, online or all of the above.

The final touch is when they endanger the children with their addictions, addictive behavior and addict lovers or buddies to boot.

And, yes, it's ALL hard.