Rosiepetal

I know that anger is part of grief & so gather what I'm feeling is normal. I do feel angry that I let my ex boyfriend treat me & others the way he did & show no remorse. I feel angry that this week he said he had been cutting down on the drink & really wants to change only to turn around & party with an ex outa town. I feel cheated & it feels wrong. It maybe that joining has made me realise how stupid I was from the moment I found out about my alcoholic that I didn't run a mile then.
Is it normal to feel like this?

Lulu39

I think it's normal for a codie to feel like you have described.

Read the stickies. Keep on reading.

Rosiepetal

As a newbie it took a little to find the stickies but thanks as what I've read so far has been a great help.

ricmcc

I think it perfectly normal for you to feel angry just now. I also feel that one thing that has helped me to overcome such anger was suddenly realizing that hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is, as it does not require the great emotional energy demanded by either love or hate. Of course i know that it is far easier for me to write such things in retropect, and especially so from the vantage point of being in a good marriage for a good many years now (best I check with my wife on the happlily married bit, as any prudent hubby would ) And of course my wife and i have our fair share of very emotional and draining fights, which leads me back to my poimt--I would hardly spend the energy a good argument (verbal fight I mean by that, btw) demands on someone I cared not a whit for; so perhaps your anger will diminish in direct proportion to the amount of energy you are willing to spend on it. Just now, though, I do think that you are quite justified in being angry, for whatever that is worth. All the best, and best of luck to you--Rick

SundayGirl2012

Hi Rosiepetal
I also feel very angry - my anger alternates between being directed at my (X)ABF and at myself, for believing that he really would cut down/stop drinking. A therapist suggested last week that instead of being angry for believing the latest instalment of bullsh1t, I try to recognise that there were real, valid reasons for believing it - and forgive myself for believing it.
I think there is a silver lining though - my anger is helping me put some distance between me and the ABF. It's helping me make plans to leave him.
Take care
SG
x

ZiggyB

Yes, very normal. I was angry a lot while we were together and then angry after the breakup. Pretty much for the exact same reasons you described. Angry at myself, angry at him for all the BS and the lies, angry at myself for putting up with it for so long.

I've been feeling a bit better, last night I stayed at home and read a book and was glad I didn't have him around making me miserable.

marie1960

Cutting down on drinking?????? What a crock!!! just more lies, more denial, more shifting the focus......... Introduction of an alkie 101......

Your anger is your brain telling you something is really wrong. It's perfectly normal, and so justified. Keep listening to that inner voice, it can help guide you.

Rosiepetal

Thanks to you all.
It's so nice to no I now at least have support & know that what I'm feeling is normal & I'm not alone. My aim is to keep reading & learning about alcoholics as that helps my understanding & may lessen my anger as I realise its his problem & not mine.
Much appreciated.

lillamy

Babe, it's all normal. My counselor keeps telling me that progress is to get from "How could I be stupid enough to let him treat me like that" to "How could he be stupid enough to treat me like that?" and finally to "I know my worth and how I want to be treated, and I now have strict boundaries for what behaviors I'm willing to accept."

Don't be angry at yourself. You entered into a relationship with honesty and love. He used that against you.

Rosiepetal

Thankyou lillamy.
That was very helpful advice.