How long until NC gets easier? .....does it ever?
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 230
How long until NC gets easier? .....does it ever?
I kickedmy STBXAH out of our home on sept. 3. For the first week or two I talked to him frequently. Every other day or so. Then, I realized I was getting sucked down into the vortex and went NC for a few weeks until he returned home to see his children. It sent me into a tailspin. I had to speak to him at drop off/pick up. He brought his new girlfriend home (yes, the one he insisted didn't exist), paraded her around, went to the liquor stores( yes, even though he claims he is 5 weeks sober), showed up a drug dealers home, and took my small children (1,4,7) HUNTiNG for his visitation time. Then he drained the accounts (I was semi-prepared, but I didn't think he'd actually do it), maxed out the visa, and then had the nerve to call and tell me that it was my fault because I had not answered his previous calls.
I have once again started NC, but sadly I'm only on day 3. I get phone calls and random texts daily claiming things like "it's about to get a whole lot worse if you don't call". Or "it's in your best interest to phone me back". I know that I shouldn't call and that it will inevitably get me sucked back down the vortex. So far I've managed to avoid the calls....thank goodness for SR and a whole lot of friends.
So when does it get easier? Ever? Do they give up after a while?
I should also add that the therapist is almost positive that I am dealing with someone with NPD, an addict (of both alcohol and other substances), and a strong possibility of this being a mid-life crisis as well...
I have once again started NC, but sadly I'm only on day 3. I get phone calls and random texts daily claiming things like "it's about to get a whole lot worse if you don't call". Or "it's in your best interest to phone me back". I know that I shouldn't call and that it will inevitably get me sucked back down the vortex. So far I've managed to avoid the calls....thank goodness for SR and a whole lot of friends.
So when does it get easier? Ever? Do they give up after a while?
I should also add that the therapist is almost positive that I am dealing with someone with NPD, an addict (of both alcohol and other substances), and a strong possibility of this being a mid-life crisis as well...
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Unfortunately, while time does heal our wounds, just how long it takes varies from person to person. I didn't go NC with a partner/spouse, so I wouldn't really be able to offer anything more than my thoughts and prayers for you. Going NC with my mother was so easy for me because I'd had enough after a lifetime of her crap. It all depends on your situation and your support network. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: texas
Posts: 103
Hang in there. It will get easier with time. 3 days is nothing!!!!! The way I see it, is that my ex AB was to me as alcohol was to him. It was as if he was a drug and I am now going through withdrawls.
We were off and on for 4 years and they werent good years either. I guess you could say that I finally hit my bottom.
It has been a few weeks with very little contact for me. He still calls and texts every once in a while. It is usually late at night and he is of course drunk. It is always about my daughters. (my weakness).
He calls to compliment them. We live in a small town and every so often he sees them. So, he will call and say they looked good or that he loves them.
I never pick up the phone. I do respond by text and just say thank you.
Whenever I find myself wanting to contact him. I think of all the ugliness that he put me through. All the cussings, the lies, the womanizing etc.
Then I ask myself do you really want to go back to all that? HELL TO THE NO!!!!!!!
I sleep better now. I dont cry anymore. I actually laugh now.
So, everytime he tries to contact you, do not pick up. Remind yourself of how awful he has been to you.
Keep posting and keep reading here at SR. The people here will keep you strong.
We were off and on for 4 years and they werent good years either. I guess you could say that I finally hit my bottom.
It has been a few weeks with very little contact for me. He still calls and texts every once in a while. It is usually late at night and he is of course drunk. It is always about my daughters. (my weakness).
He calls to compliment them. We live in a small town and every so often he sees them. So, he will call and say they looked good or that he loves them.
I never pick up the phone. I do respond by text and just say thank you.
Whenever I find myself wanting to contact him. I think of all the ugliness that he put me through. All the cussings, the lies, the womanizing etc.
Then I ask myself do you really want to go back to all that? HELL TO THE NO!!!!!!!
I sleep better now. I dont cry anymore. I actually laugh now.
So, everytime he tries to contact you, do not pick up. Remind yourself of how awful he has been to you.
Keep posting and keep reading here at SR. The people here will keep you strong.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Hi Confetti, it sounds like agony.
For me , the only way to make it easier was to have no contact at all. That being said, there were no children involved, I get that makes it different, I hate to say it , but you x is an idiot. A normal human being would not behave in this way, flaunting a new woman around the children, taking young children hunting, that sounds so scary to me.
He is an addict, he thinks, feels, and acts like an addict. He has shown you that he is out to get you. I read earlier somewhere on the forum today something about codies wanting revenge, my ex was the biggest revenge seeker I have ever known.
From what I have read in your post, it sounds to me like you may consider getting a laywer, or letting the oneyou have take over all communication with you x, setting some ground rules, separating assets, and absolutely express your concerns around your children. As long as you continue to give him power, he will continue to torture you.
For me , it got to the point where I would get nauseous just thinking about contact from my x. I still feel sick sometimes when some of the things he said and did to me pop in my head, I finally realized that it was not going to stop until I stopped it.
This is war, you need to protect yourself and your children from this monster. Telling you that things can get a whole lot worse, is a threat, take it seriously.
Sending you a big hug, Katie
For me , the only way to make it easier was to have no contact at all. That being said, there were no children involved, I get that makes it different, I hate to say it , but you x is an idiot. A normal human being would not behave in this way, flaunting a new woman around the children, taking young children hunting, that sounds so scary to me.
He is an addict, he thinks, feels, and acts like an addict. He has shown you that he is out to get you. I read earlier somewhere on the forum today something about codies wanting revenge, my ex was the biggest revenge seeker I have ever known.
From what I have read in your post, it sounds to me like you may consider getting a laywer, or letting the oneyou have take over all communication with you x, setting some ground rules, separating assets, and absolutely express your concerns around your children. As long as you continue to give him power, he will continue to torture you.
For me , it got to the point where I would get nauseous just thinking about contact from my x. I still feel sick sometimes when some of the things he said and did to me pop in my head, I finally realized that it was not going to stop until I stopped it.
This is war, you need to protect yourself and your children from this monster. Telling you that things can get a whole lot worse, is a threat, take it seriously.
Sending you a big hug, Katie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 230
Originally Posted by Katiekate 
Hi Confetti, it sounds like agony.
For me , the only way to make it easier was to have no contact at all. That being said, there were no children involved, I get that makes it different, I hate to say it , but you x is an idiot. A normal human being would not behave in this way, flaunting a new woman around the children, taking young children hunting, that sounds so scary to me.
He is an addict, he thinks, feels, and acts like an addict. He has shown you that he is out to get you. I read earlier somewhere on the forum today something about codies wanting revenge, my ex was the biggest revenge seeker I have ever known.
From what I have read in your post, it sounds to me like you may consider getting a laywer, or letting the oneyou have take over all communication with you x, setting some ground rules, separating assets, and absolutely express your concerns around your children. As long as you continue to give him power, he will continue to torture you.
For me , it got to the point where I would get nauseous just thinking about contact from my x. I still feel sick sometimes when some of the things he said and did to me pop in my head, I finally realized that it was not going to stop until I stopped it.
This is war, you need to protect yourself and your children from this monster. Telling you that things can get a whole lot worse, is a threat, take it seriously.
Sending you a big hug, Katie
For me , the only way to make it easier was to have no contact at all. That being said, there were no children involved, I get that makes it different, I hate to say it , but you x is an idiot. A normal human being would not behave in this way, flaunting a new woman around the children, taking young children hunting, that sounds so scary to me.
He is an addict, he thinks, feels, and acts like an addict. He has shown you that he is out to get you. I read earlier somewhere on the forum today something about codies wanting revenge, my ex was the biggest revenge seeker I have ever known.
From what I have read in your post, it sounds to me like you may consider getting a laywer, or letting the oneyou have take over all communication with you x, setting some ground rules, separating assets, and absolutely express your concerns around your children. As long as you continue to give him power, he will continue to torture you.
For me , it got to the point where I would get nauseous just thinking about contact from my x. I still feel sick sometimes when some of the things he said and did to me pop in my head, I finally realized that it was not going to stop until I stopped it.
This is war, you need to protect yourself and your children from this monster. Telling you that things can get a whole lot worse, is a threat, take it seriously.
Sending you a big hug, Katie
The hunting thing was scary! He actually left the baby buckled in his carseat in his vehicle while he took the older two out hunting in the field! I was horrified.
I do have a lawyer and have informed STBXAH that unless he is calling regarding pick up/drop off times, to direct all other inquiries to my lawyer. He responds with "yes, I know....and you should know that Bob(lawyer) will be calling you directly telling you to fulfill my requests, because what you are doing is illegal.". (which it isn't). It makes me sick and anxious every time he calls. Every message is more ridiculous than the last.
I think you are right. This is war and I have to quit thinking that he will be reasonable.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Please make sure you are keeping all communications.
Or block him, then he will be forced to communicate with your lawyer.
He will not be reasonable, he will not.
There is a lioness inside of you, let her out
Please keep us posted, we care!!!!
PS sounds like supervised visitation might be something to discuss with your lawyer.
Tell Bob to call your lawyer. It must suck to be Bob.
Or block him, then he will be forced to communicate with your lawyer.
He will not be reasonable, he will not.
There is a lioness inside of you, let her out
Please keep us posted, we care!!!!
PS sounds like supervised visitation might be something to discuss with your lawyer.
Tell Bob to call your lawyer. It must suck to be Bob.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 230
I record most of our conversations now, which I have told him for over a month. I would block him, but up here in canada, they wont block a cell number....but also apparently even if i could block him, i have to allow him access to phone for his children. I make all of his calls to the children be on speakerphone. I requested supervised visitation, and so far I can't get it fully. I do have a clause that says "supervised OR no consumption of alcohol prior to and during visitation".
It seems like such an uphill battle. I have had him served with divorce papers and he only has another two weeks to respond. He has me completely on edge. I keep hoping that sooner than later he will loose complete interest...but no such luck yet.
It seems like such an uphill battle. I have had him served with divorce papers and he only has another two weeks to respond. He has me completely on edge. I keep hoping that sooner than later he will loose complete interest...but no such luck yet.
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
His whole strategy that day was revenge, to get under your skin and to scare you into doing only as he wishes. To me, that was loud and clear. The follow-up communication just confirms it.
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