Alongtimegone

My daughter moved away last fall. She had asked me to send her a care package with vitamins, sunglasses, etc. I did so, within a week of her request, and included a fully mature $50 savings bond. She is struggling right now and I knew she could use it.
She wasn't home the day the post office tried to deliver it. I kept asking her if she had gone to pick it up, and she said no, and became very frustrated with me. She eventualaly told me that she had called the post office and that they were returning it to me. It never came back
I sent it to her the beginning of February. My mom took her to the post office yesterday; the package was there.
My mom made a comment that she was glad they had picked up the package, and that it would make me really happy. My daughter commented that "nothing ever makes her happy."
My mother shared this with me because it upset her, and she was too timid to say so.
I feel really hurt.
Any words to the wise?

Thanks in advance!

journeygal

((((((Alongtimegone))))))

If your daughter is struggling as much as you say, and not just financially, she's probably feeling very sorry for herself and is blaming the whole world for her problems instead of taking responsibility for her life. And my guess is that you're at the top of her blame list. She may feel you don't approve of her life or her choices and doesn't know how to just be grateful for the help and support you've given her.

Please try not to take her words to heart. Whatever her feelings are, they are HER feelings - don't take ownership of them.

Do something nice for yourself today - you deserve it!

Hugs,
JG

Alongtimegone

I struggle with our relationship on a regular basis.
I love her so much, but feel like, no matter what I do, she just can't see it.
I know she lied to me about calling the post office - she told me that just to get me "off her back" - though I only mentioned it a few times in passing. She is often forgetful, so I try to remind her, but I guess that is the wrong thing to do.
I am really having a hard time with this.

Magichappens

((Alongtimegone))
There are many in my family who I would like to be different; more loving, less self absorbed. Unfortunately, they aren't going to change for me. I have had to learn that they aren't capable of being who I want them to be, anymore than I am able to live my life according to them. I have had to learn to get the things I need from people who are capable of giving that to me. I have been a daughter in need of a mother, a sister in need of siblings. I have found people to fill these needs for me. It has helped me to let go of those expectations I have of those in my family and to love them without the pain of my needs getting in the way. I still wish for my idea of the perfect family, but I accept that it just isn't possible. I hope that your daughter changes and becomes more loving, but until that time, you are the only one who you can change. Hugs, Magic

Alongtimegone

What I typically find myself doing in situations like this is questioning my behavior: I am unreasonable to want her to pick up a package I sent without waiting two months to do so? Am I so awful that even my own daughter hates me so much? Should I explain and try to apologize? How could I act differently so she would be pleased with me? How can I 'get" her to love me? etc.
I then start in and "beat myself up," so to speak. I am recognizing it, but honestly it is very difficult and leaves me feeling just drained.

Then I get mad at myself and the back talk begins: Why are you the one to apologize, she's the one who made the snide remark, etc., etc.

Yikes!