Hammer

Suppose I would be a target in that regard.

Just follow the sound of the braying jackass.

For real -- some folks here just use PMs. I get some of those from folks who want to ask something or some details, etc. I am kinda slow on that at times. I suppose some folks or even groups of people here have whole discussions go on that are never seen or read on the open board.

Hammer

ummmmm, THIS is their business.

I have a web dev. friend who says -- If you are not paying for the product . . . you are the product.

1. Folks search for help.

2. Folks see our stuff and want to be a part of recovery -- or at least to do not want be part of their own misery, all alone.

3. The open site traffic attracts the paying advertisers. See all the Rehab Clinic Ads?

And THEN . . . . (per Slashdot, PROFIT!)

You can use PMs if you want.

Regretter

I haven't said it was.

Regretter

Lol.. yeah I can go with that. It's simpler way of saying it

I suppose so. I guess there must be some people here who have stalkers (family / friends even) looking out to see what they're up to here, or here at all.

It's a shame, really, because it makes me feel like people can't just have a private space to unload without some busy-body using it against them offline.

I still have to keep many things off the forum because they'd be personally identifiable, and having seen the power of some people's ability to cross-reference information it always gives me a feeling of being spied on.

I should never have told my wife about this forum because I'm sure she'll be spying on me and I'm sure she'll figure out it's me if she ever finds my posts.

Ah well.. my fault

ProgressNotPerfection

How do I close my account?

honeypig

I have to agree that the forum should be public--I stumbled across it in an internet search and belive that many, many others have found SR the same way. And I have to say I am somewhat surprised that anyone here would not expect that their posts would be public, especially when that is likely the way they found the board in the first place, stumbling across a post that came up in a search.

And as the forum mods posted, it's stated pretty clearly in the forum info that it's a public forum, be careful about posting identifiable stuff, etc.

I also agree that protecting one's anonymity is all on the person him/herself. As someone else said, the internet is not the place to be if you want complete privacy. There are always in-person Alanon meetings along with use of their phone/email list and a sponsor; the internet is NOT the only option for this type of help.

For me, it comes down to which is the priority: An absolute assurance that no one might ever stumble across my posts and know that it's me, or the use of what I consider an extremely valuable resource in my recovery?

In my case, it is clearly the latter. My recovery trumps all other concerns. For someone in a different situation, it could well be very different. There IS a choice, and each side has its drawbacks.

Regretter

^^ Yep, it's always a tradeoff. For me the risk is worth the benefit so SOD whoever works out I'm me. It's my life anyway and nobody else's business, especially now that I'm a sad single bloke lol.

honeypig

How much of this is true concern and how much of it is having a snit b/c you didn't like what you were told? If someone is spying on you, what do you fear will happen? I don't know what it is you are worried about and even if I did, it wouldn't be up to me to decide if it was legit or not. But I think this is something you might want to think about before making what seems like it might be a rather rash decision.

I see you have 243 posts since joining in September, so it seems you find SR a useful resource. Do you really want to give that up out of some concerns of something that might maybe possibly happen sometime in the future, and that might maybe possibly be bad (or possibly only uncomfortable, which is NOT the end of the world....)?

honeypig

I imagine contacting the forum administrators would be a far better way to handle whatever problem you have than posting about it in a thread.

ProgressNotPerfection

"If you still want to close your account it's best to PM one of our administrators - they're the ones in Bold Italic - and they're the only ones who can close accounts."

Seren

I found SR by searching the internet one night. I was in pain and fear because of my stepson. If SR were not an open forum, I would not have found it....and received the help and support I needed so much at that time. That is why this forum is open, and why we warn and warn people about the open nature of this forum.

If anyone would like to close his or her account, please contact one of the Moderators (who will convey the message to the Administrators) or contact one of the Administrators directly.

Anna

Consider the account closed, Johnny.

Yurt

I have had an inkling that a friend of mine might have read some of my posts because of the way our relationship shifted after one of my threads died down. But then again, I had already told him about this forum and how it has helped me so far. I also have a screen name that is pretty identifiable if you know me. At the moment, I have no plans to change my info, but I am glad that the option is available. Other than my dd, I can't think of anyone else that is web/computer savvy enough in my family that would care enough to see what I am posting.
I am also thankful that I found this site and will protect my anonymity by using only my devices to log on and post. I keep them locked down or password protected when I am not using them.

GoingAlone2

Also be careful of your email. I think I've changed it in settings, but for a while I would get an email every time someone responded to a post.

honeypig

It's great that we have the ability to choose settings on all these things individually, as I LIKE that feature of being notified when someone responds to a thread I've posted to. I simply unsubscribe from the thread when I no longer want to know every time someone adds something. However, I'm not in a situation where there would be dire consequences if someone saw my email and came to the site. Some here definitely WOULD suffer serious consequences if their A found the email and hence the site.

jacrazz

this thread was started A year ago.....

theuncertainty

Yes, but Johnny's post was recent. And it never hurts to have reminders on internet safety.

DesertEyes

Another reason we are fully open to the public is that a large number of people read but never post. They are generally called "lurkers". Many of them are in fear of their personal safety, for various reasons involving drunken spouses. They want the benefit of the wisdom that is available here, and by not posting, or even starting an account, they reduce the chances of being discovered. We get email from these folks, and help them find resources in real life.

We have had children email us while hiding in the closet as the father beat up the mother. We've had people email us while holding a gun to their own head. Along with another Moderator, and real life shrinks and social workers, I spent a year emailing one member who witnessed father shoot mother, and then shoot himself.

There have only been a few such emergencies, usually we have more time to work with. Still, saving just one life is more than enough to justify having a fully public site. If we were private these few would not have found us, and they certainly did not have time to go down the list of Google results to find somebody else.

Addiction is a horrid disease, even more so because so much of the damage is hidden within homes and bedrooms. Those of us on the "front lines" of recovery get to see the worst of it. My personal experience is that SR is a fabulous haven for huge numbers of people who never join.

Mike
Moderator, SR

Lulu39

I already thanked your post but want to thank you multiple times.

I found SR during a desperate google search one horrible night. SR has helped me maintain my resolve to not allow that drunk back into my life.

BoxinRotz

I know I wouldn't be where I am today without SR. If someone wants to try n find me, they will. If someone wants to make my internet life hell, they will. If n when it happens, I'll get through it n get rid of it. Until then, I'll use this very useful site and other forums to help me through the grind called life.