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Does this sound like quacking to you?

Old 10-10-2012, 08:06 PM
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Does this sound like quacking to you?

From my father:

I've got a life threatening disease that at the very least is going to destroy my quality of life. The doctor told me I should talk to Mom about it, but Mom won't talk to me, says it not her problem. How can she be so cruel to me. My choices are bad and very bad. Take the treatment that will destroy my immune system and I start contracting anything that I get near, or destroy my ability to breath and die. You know the doctors visit is not going well when the doctors says I should get a living will. If I have a breathing crisis and they can't get me to the hospital in time, I'll get brain damage. My life really sucks now!! I can hardly see, I can't lift my arms, chew my food, and have a hard time breathing and Mom won't talk to me. I'm not going to able to get my own insurance to pay for treatment, so I guess I'll just f*ing DIE!! Maybe Mom wants me to die so she can collect my $300,000 life insurance policy. Maybe I should make you the benefactor.

I don't even know. The part about the living will scares me, but I just don't know.
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Old 10-10-2012, 08:10 PM
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Yeah, sounds like a duck to me..

Let him get the living will. No big deal, it will never be used unless it has to be, and in all reality, I think everyone should have one, because you never know when something may come up and people have no idea what your wishes are.
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Old 10-10-2012, 08:12 PM
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Sounds a bit like quacking to me. Honestly, anyone with a family should have a living will. My husband and I both have one, just in case something were to happen to us. Our children will all be taken care of, and it won't be up to our families and the courts to figure it out. Living wills aren't anything unusual or scary. They're a way of protecting yourself now, in case of an unexpected disaster.
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Old 10-10-2012, 08:13 PM
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Yup. Doesn't sound like a dying man to me. Faced with death, people tend to acquire a bit of humility. Desire to make things right. All I hear is me, me, me, I'm the victim, me, me, me.

Oh, and the living will? Where I live, every time I go in to the hospital (like for a blood test or a mammogram), I get the question "Do you have a living will?" and when I say no, they follow up with, "Here is some information about how you create one. This is something we believe everyone should have, because if you need critical care, this will make it easier on your family to know what you wanted while you were able to make decisions."

And I haven't been close to dying any of those times.
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Old 10-10-2012, 08:18 PM
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Well my parents already had/have a living will...oh wait, I think I'm starting to "get it" now...the doctor told him to make one for HIMSELF, because the one from their marriage will be obsolete, and he twists things around telling me his "version" of the story. And WTF @ "maybe I'll make you the benefactor" I don't even know what to say to that.
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Old 10-10-2012, 08:35 PM
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
Yup. Doesn't sound like a dying man to me. Faced with death, people tend to acquire a bit of humility. Desire to make things right. All I hear is me, me, me, I'm the victim, me, me, me.

Oh, and the living will? Where I live, every time I go in to the hospital (like for a blood test or a mammogram), I get the question "Do you have a living will?" and when I say no, they follow up with, "Here is some information about how you create one. This is something we believe everyone should have, because if you need critical care, this will make it easier on your family to know what you wanted while you were able to make decisions."

And I haven't been close to dying any of those times.
Yep. The hospital has my living will and advance directive on file, so if anything happens while delivering this baby or during my tubal ligation afterward, there won't be any questions. Totally normal. MEMEME is not normal for someone on their supposed death bed.
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Old 10-10-2012, 09:40 PM
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
Faced with death, people tend to acquire a bit of humility.
Not right away though. There are stages of grief when faced with death. Not that my dad is close to dying, but yeah.
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Old 10-11-2012, 02:44 AM
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A living will is a practical thing to have, and the insurance money well you don't have to say anything do you? That's up to him. Don't let him "hook" you.

Originally Posted by choublak View Post
Well my parents already had/have a living will...oh wait, I think I'm starting to "get it" now...the doctor told him to make one for HIMSELF, because the one from their marriage will be obsolete, and he twists things around telling me his "version" of the story. And WTF @ "maybe I'll make you the benefactor" I don't even know what to say to that.
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Old 10-11-2012, 06:45 AM
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Lets break it down.

I've got a life threatening disease
OK, This is not a pleasant place for anyone to be. There is nothing that anyone is going to do to change that though. That fact is not a tool that should be used to hold people emotional hostage, which is sounds like he is doing. You have to be aware of that and protect yourself against it.

The doctor told me I should talk to Mom about it, but Mom won't talk to me, says it not her problem.
Quack. If the doctor said that specifically he isn't giving the doctor the complete picture of his reality. Your mom is holding her boundaries - good. It always gets twisted around to this topic doesn't it? Put all this into the 100% ignore file.

My choices are bad and very bad. Take the treatment that will destroy my immune system and I start contracting anything that I get near, or destroy my ability to breath and die.
Treatment decisions are between him and his doctor. He is filled with so much self pity and manipulation it is hard for me, stranger on the internet, to muster up any compassion and empathy for him and I'm not the one being manipulated. I can see why this is a difficult situation for you. I think a simple "I know these decisions are hard" or something like that will show you empathize without getting into his web of self pity and manipulation.

You know the doctors visit is not going well when the doctors says I should get a living will.
Ignore this. As mentioned everyone is told that, especially an older man with a chronic health condition. Doesn't mean he'll die tomorrow.

His acceptance of his health condition is his work to be done. If he would rather use it as a weapon in his manipulation arsenal then he'll do that but you can detach from that.

My life really sucks now!! I can hardly see, I can't lift my arms, chew my food, and have a hard time breathing and Mom won't talk to me.
'I'm sorry about that. ' THE END. and again - always comes back to mom won't talk to me. Ugh. Is the stuff before that even true?

I'm not going to able to get my own insurance to pay for treatment,so I guess I'll just f*ing DIE!!
:drama: Quack. Since you've done the research you can send that to him but I would not expect anything other than more of this. He is playing it.

Maybe Mom wants me to die so she can collect my $300,000 life insurance policy. Maybe I should make you the benefactor.
Drama. He can do whatever he wants with his life insurance. I wouldn't touch this with a 10' pole.

Hang in there. Break it all down. Respond with empathy when called for and completely ignore all the rest.
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Old 10-11-2012, 06:57 AM
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First of all - he will receive treatment. It may not be the same as if he had insurance but he can get it.

I am sure Mom isn't talking to him because he brought this on himself. Poor thing, one more thing to take care of - and what a chore that one will be.

Sounds like he is just using it as an excuse for sympathy - it is sad though. I am sure 300k won't even touch what he has cost the family.

Sorry you are going through this.
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Old 10-11-2012, 08:52 AM
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first - I hate to hear of your dad's illness ~ whether it be real or embellished - it is still painful to deal with the reality of fragileness of our parents ~

second - I hate that your dad doesn't consider your pain in this process ~ that you will go thru some heartbreaking emotions and decisions should these things come to pass

third - enforcing boundaries with my parent(s) is still my greatest challenge in recovery ~ baby steps are better than no steps at all ~

prayers for strength, courage and wisdom to know what is best to take care of YOU!

PINK HUGS,
rita
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:14 AM
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choublak, a "living will" is about what he would want done to him (or not) medically in the event he is in a terminal vegetative/unconscious condition. It IS NOT about who gets HIS $$$ and stuff upon his death. That's just a simple "Will" but NOT the "living will" he was quacking about!
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