Speaking Up......
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
This is a good "assertiveness" educational tool for family members of alcoholics or addicts:
Assertiveness.jpg
Hazelden.
Assertiveness.jpg
Hazelden.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Earthworm,
I can relate to that. Quite.
I recently had an opportunity to stand up for myself in a work situation. I was so scared my knees were shaking. I was practicing my speech in the car on my way to work. And when I walked out of there and had not only said everything I wanted to say (without crying), but also managed to get exactly what I wanted, I was so excited I felt like I had wings!!!
I think living in an alcoholic marriage made me lose a lot of my confidence and self-respect. And that led to me not really feeling like I had the right to stand up for myself. Like I wasn't worth it.
But we are. And nobody else will stand up for us if we don't.
I started small. With people coming up to me in the mall wanting to sell me Dead Sea Mud or whatever. Saying, "No thank you" and continuing to walk without feeling guilty was a first step. (I know, right? Can we say ridiculous? I was actually feeling guilty about not stopping and listening to those people. I was afraid they'd think I was a stuck up you know what. As if they would remember me ten minutes after I walked by!)
You're worth standing up for. I know you are. You know you are. And you can do it.
I can relate to that. Quite.
I recently had an opportunity to stand up for myself in a work situation. I was so scared my knees were shaking. I was practicing my speech in the car on my way to work. And when I walked out of there and had not only said everything I wanted to say (without crying), but also managed to get exactly what I wanted, I was so excited I felt like I had wings!!!
I think living in an alcoholic marriage made me lose a lot of my confidence and self-respect. And that led to me not really feeling like I had the right to stand up for myself. Like I wasn't worth it.
But we are. And nobody else will stand up for us if we don't.
I started small. With people coming up to me in the mall wanting to sell me Dead Sea Mud or whatever. Saying, "No thank you" and continuing to walk without feeling guilty was a first step. (I know, right? Can we say ridiculous? I was actually feeling guilty about not stopping and listening to those people. I was afraid they'd think I was a stuck up you know what. As if they would remember me ten minutes after I walked by!)
You're worth standing up for. I know you are. You know you are. And you can do it.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
I'm finding that by not speaking up which is a very ooollllldddd way of living and has gotten very old , I'm carrying so much inside and it's really not good. All my relationships end up suffering and as always my only solution because of fear of speaking up is to run away from the relationship rather than risk anothers displeasure and risking they might run away from me.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Earthworm - how brave of you to start that healthy behavior for you!!
One of my sponsors gave me the exercise of "speaking up for myself" by starting with myself ~
The exercise went like this. . .
Everytime I made a negative comment either aloud or in my head about myself ~ I had to speak a positive comment about myself ALOUD!
example:
Often I would say - geez you are so stupid, you forgot to turn the light off in the other room. <--Eek sponsor sez "not allowed to call yourself stupid!!" replace it
Then I had to say . . .
What a brillant Idea - "you left the light on, you get to walk back in the other room and get extra exercise for the day"
yes she actually did make me do those kinds of things, seems silly but it made me very aware of the negativity I gave myself continually during the day ~
Hard to try to get others to respect you, when you don't respect yourself ~
Just my e, s, h
PINK HUGS,
Rita
One of my sponsors gave me the exercise of "speaking up for myself" by starting with myself ~
The exercise went like this. . .
Everytime I made a negative comment either aloud or in my head about myself ~ I had to speak a positive comment about myself ALOUD!
example:
Often I would say - geez you are so stupid, you forgot to turn the light off in the other room. <--Eek sponsor sez "not allowed to call yourself stupid!!" replace it
Then I had to say . . .
What a brillant Idea - "you left the light on, you get to walk back in the other room and get extra exercise for the day"
yes she actually did make me do those kinds of things, seems silly but it made me very aware of the negativity I gave myself continually during the day ~
Hard to try to get others to respect you, when you don't respect yourself ~
Just my e, s, h
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: rural Germany
Posts: 311
I love that exercise! It was introduced to me as "every cloud has a silver lining" and the point was to always try and find something positive - the silver lining - in anything bad that I experienced. At times it can end up being quite humorous as I come up with the most ridiculous things, but being able to laugh at myself and my situation is also very good.
Today one of my dogs threw up in my kitchen. Nothing serious, just ate a bit too much grass. I grumbled, and then was motivated to wash the floor. And thus my kitchen is one step closer to being clean. Now I just need to figure out how to get my dog to throw up inside my non-self-cleaning oven.....
Today one of my dogs threw up in my kitchen. Nothing serious, just ate a bit too much grass. I grumbled, and then was motivated to wash the floor. And thus my kitchen is one step closer to being clean. Now I just need to figure out how to get my dog to throw up inside my non-self-cleaning oven.....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 119
I can SOOO relate to this today. I've been in a funk lately and in trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with me I realized....work has been hectic and everyone there is on edge. My boss has been screaming and cussing at me, my significant other (who works there also) has not been contributing around the house and been snippy, my other boss throws fits like a 2 year old constantly. And today I am talking to my boss and telling him cussing and screaming at me is UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR. Then I'm setting my man down tonite and telling him to start pulling his freakin weight. Wish me luck! Baby steps.
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