codependency and other ???
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Lubbock, Tx
Posts: 9
codependency and other ???
Hello,
I'm new to this community. My mom was addicted to prescribed medication and committed suicide. I know I'm a codependent fixer. I need to fix others because I couldn't fix my mom. I was married to a sex addict for 16 years. Did 12 steps for wives of sex addicts and divorced him because he refused recovery. I met an alcoholic and was married to him for a year and divorced. He stopped drinking but of course refused recovery and returned to his addiction. Recently I started dating a man I had known in jr. high he turned out to be an alcoholic as well. I am codependent in a huge way. I'm praying this group will help me to get emotionally healthy. I'm a Christian and very involved in church. I have a loving church family, but I need friends who understand the road I'm walking right now. I'm really struggling with the why questions right now. My last relationship seemed so wonderful he didn't ever drink was precious sober. 7 months later I began to see odd behaviors. I didn't realize he was drinking. My 12 year old son has now told me he saw him drinking several times when I wasn't home. This man got really drunk on Sep. 6th. We argued some, I went upstairs to go to sleep in another room. He continued to drink, poured a pound of sugar into the gas tank of my car, then came upstairs and held me down on the bed and threatened to kill me. I talked him into letting me go and ran terrified from the house as soon as he turned his back. He destroyed my youngest son's ultrasound photos in a scrapbook that night and took a ring that had sentimental value to me. My car only got a mile down the road before he died and I'm still having problems with it. How can someone who says they love you so much do so much to hurt you when they are drinking? I loved him so much and I thought he loved me. I'm so hurt and lost right now. I've ended the relationship and pressed charges, but it still hurts so badly. Thanks for listening.
I'm new to this community. My mom was addicted to prescribed medication and committed suicide. I know I'm a codependent fixer. I need to fix others because I couldn't fix my mom. I was married to a sex addict for 16 years. Did 12 steps for wives of sex addicts and divorced him because he refused recovery. I met an alcoholic and was married to him for a year and divorced. He stopped drinking but of course refused recovery and returned to his addiction. Recently I started dating a man I had known in jr. high he turned out to be an alcoholic as well. I am codependent in a huge way. I'm praying this group will help me to get emotionally healthy. I'm a Christian and very involved in church. I have a loving church family, but I need friends who understand the road I'm walking right now. I'm really struggling with the why questions right now. My last relationship seemed so wonderful he didn't ever drink was precious sober. 7 months later I began to see odd behaviors. I didn't realize he was drinking. My 12 year old son has now told me he saw him drinking several times when I wasn't home. This man got really drunk on Sep. 6th. We argued some, I went upstairs to go to sleep in another room. He continued to drink, poured a pound of sugar into the gas tank of my car, then came upstairs and held me down on the bed and threatened to kill me. I talked him into letting me go and ran terrified from the house as soon as he turned his back. He destroyed my youngest son's ultrasound photos in a scrapbook that night and took a ring that had sentimental value to me. My car only got a mile down the road before he died and I'm still having problems with it. How can someone who says they love you so much do so much to hurt you when they are drinking? I loved him so much and I thought he loved me. I'm so hurt and lost right now. I've ended the relationship and pressed charges, but it still hurts so badly. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Hope, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now, but you have definitely come to the right place. Read, post, vent - there are a lot of people who understand what you are going through.
Have you tried Al-anon meetings? You might also really get a lot out of face to face interaction with other people who have been there. Either way, you have the opportunity now to focus on YOUR recovery. I wish you strength and peace as you embark on this important journey.
Have you tried Al-anon meetings? You might also really get a lot out of face to face interaction with other people who have been there. Either way, you have the opportunity now to focus on YOUR recovery. I wish you strength and peace as you embark on this important journey.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
welcome to our SR family
I can say from my experiece the Al-Anon program & my SR family truly helped save my life - I have been able to truly become a healthy person in recovery.
I hope you will stick around and join us ~
PINK HUGS, (hope, unity, gratitude & serenity)
Rita
I can say from my experiece the Al-Anon program & my SR family truly helped save my life - I have been able to truly become a healthy person in recovery.
I hope you will stick around and join us ~
PINK HUGS, (hope, unity, gratitude & serenity)
Rita
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((hope)) - Welcome to SR, though I'm so sorry for what has brought you here. This site has helped me, tremendously, on my codependency. A good book to read is "Codependent no more" by Melody Beattie - actually ALL of her books are really good.
I didn't have an addict parent, but was born a codie. I think when I first realized that I was as sick as the A's (addicts/alcoholics) I was involved with, is when I started reading more about it and taking baby steps to change.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I didn't have an addict parent, but was born a codie. I think when I first realized that I was as sick as the A's (addicts/alcoholics) I was involved with, is when I started reading more about it and taking baby steps to change.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
((Hope)), huge hugs to you! It sounds like you are in a place where you are ready to learn more about yourself and SR along with Al Anon is a great place to start. I didn't really start finding peace until I got a sponsor in my Al Anon program and started working with a counselor. I have a 13 year old son and I know how hard it is for the kids to witness the craziness of alcoholism.
Keep coming back, know that you are cared for and loved and that you are worthy of a wonderful peaceful, joyful life. I read a few Christian books that really helped me see faith differently when faced with addiction and emotionally abusive people. Let me know if you want the titles.
Keep coming back, know that you are cared for and loved and that you are worthy of a wonderful peaceful, joyful life. I read a few Christian books that really helped me see faith differently when faced with addiction and emotionally abusive people. Let me know if you want the titles.
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
Sorry you had to find SR this way but glad that you did. We're here for each other!
Al-Anon meetings were the beginning of the turning point for me. I'm glad you plan to attend. Try to go to at least six meetings, and try different groups. Go to the meetings especially when you feel like you just can't leave because you're so down.
As to the "why" questions, think about this saying:
God's answers will come, and they could be: Yes - No - Not Now - I Have Something Better.
Keep coming back here too, posting and reading! Peace.
Al-Anon meetings were the beginning of the turning point for me. I'm glad you plan to attend. Try to go to at least six meetings, and try different groups. Go to the meetings especially when you feel like you just can't leave because you're so down.
As to the "why" questions, think about this saying:
"Don't put a question mark where God put a semicolon."
God's answers will come, and they could be: Yes - No - Not Now - I Have Something Better.
Keep coming back here too, posting and reading! Peace.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
