lizloh

I've been considering attending another. But the one I went two, there were only 3 of us. To me it seemed very structured, in good and bad ways. Could someone explain to me some of the 'rules'? Like no cross-talk? Idk I was just nervous to mess-up. I know they are all different but do any of them allow cross-talk? Is cross-talk responding to the speaker? As you can see, I am confused
Thanks

LifeRecovery

I have not been to any meetings that allow cross talk until everyone has shared on the topic, step etc.

If a person's share touches something for me I feel comfortable commenting on that as part of my share, but I don't ask questions or ask for clarification during the meeting proper of the other person.

There are a number of meetings where I live and many are on the smaller side and cross talk happens after we have all shared (but are still in the hour). The larger meetings it often takes the entire hour to get through everyone once.

I did not "follow" the rules 100% because I did not understand at first. I found that people politely and kindly "corrected" me and that overall it did not keep me from getting anything out of it. Actually it was an opportunity for me to ask questions of the group (they usually have some time set aside for questions of newcomers).

fluffyflea

Cross-talking is addressing another person while you are talking. No cross-talking just means we stick to our own share but we can reference what another has said if it touches us in any way.

Titanic

No cross-talk is sort of like when you were in elementary school and the teacher asked what some of you did that summer. If one wants to, one can talk about one's own experience, what was good or bad, and what one got out of it. In Al-Anon, "summer" would be the topic (devotional reading, someone's lead, the Step of the month, the panel discussion issues) and the schoolchildren's sharings would be called ESH - Experience, Strength and Hope.

At school, the kids don't ask each other questions. [They don't ask for advice, put someone on the spot or make someone talk.] The kids don't take issue with what some other kid did or didn't do that summer. [They don't comment judgmentally or negatively on someone else's sharing.] The kids don't say to each other, well you should've done this instead or should do that next summer. [They don't give advice.] The kids don't start some side show, talking with select other kids about some aspect of summer. [There are no conversations and the period doesn't get monopolized.] The kids aren't allowed to interrupt someone else.

However, a kid properly might say: oh, I did that fun thing too; I had an awful hard time doing that too; thanks for sharing your story; here's what I got out of that similar summer experience; something like that happened to me; etc.

In other words, everyone who wants to can have a turn to talk or just listen, and it's a safe, level playing field for everyone.

onlythetruth

What type of meeting are you referring to? Al-Anon meetings have a different structure than, for example, SMART Recovery's family and friends meetings.