McKrazy

Oh, friends, it's been a long few days! I'm feeling confused, frustrated, "hopeful", confident, .....and, uh, yes, tired! I guess I'm not as healthy as I had been feeling and hoping. But it definitely does feel like the 3 steps forward, only two back syndrome. I'm not as far down as I have been before. My A is TRYING to be sober. I do truly believe that is new and different and I'm happy for him, but am trying to let that be his battle and trying to focus on my own stuff. But there have been many slips, and they never go unnoticed as when he drinks I'm the target for his hostile feelings, frustrations, and all of life's injustices. I have found myself fantasizing moving out with my 3 kids and trying to create peace and stability. I do, however, love him and see so much potential for him, our marriage. But, when is enough enough? I've been reading about giving the program 6 months, and like the "thought", but do you count the last 15-20 years in that?!? I don't know what I'm asking, but I guess I just need understanding from someone who has experienced my heart-hurt! I want soooooo badly to finally have the marriage I said "I do" to, but don't know if I'm so out of touch with reality that I'm the only one who realizes that that is a pipe dream and it's time to move on..... we've collected alot of souviniers along the way, don't know how hard it will b to cut and run. Can anyone help? I'm one hurting unit! I'd be in despair if only I hadn't had an emotional lobotamy about 2 years ago. I'm working on feeling again, but it hurts so much, I'm not sure it's worth it. Crying is way over-rated. I missed all of you and your input as you can see, I'm rambling, and I don't want to be done, because then I'm alone again.... :bemine

Gabe

You are never alone. We are always with you, even when the boards go down. The collective soul of these boards knows no bounds.
Hugs and light coming your way from me.
Peace,
Gabe

McKrazy

I look forward to seeing your name, Gabe. You have lots of wisdom and compassion in all of your responses. Thanks for caring....

osier59

Hi McTired

Keep coming back... read the power posts to learn more about us. I am not sure where they are right now, but I have to believe the wonderful folks who work behind the scenes will get most everything RIGHT back where they belong.

Hugs and love
Barb

Lorelai

I'm with you, McTired. Everyone says "you'll know when and if it's time to leave" and "one day at a time". I feel like I know it's time to leave but then I'm hesitant. I wonder if I'm just afraid of what might happen and afraid to make a decision that might be wrong or if I'm staying because there is some glimmer of hope that I'll be happy here. I'm unhappy in this situation but it is familiar. I'm afraid that I could use the "one day at a time" for the rest of my life to avoid making a decision that really needs to be made.
Peace - L

McKrazy

dear lorelei, we are kindred spirits, I know, because every time I read something from you I "feel" your pain, as if I knew it too well. Let's help eachother through this..... thanks for your help, it's amazing the power of just not being alone. I'm so sorry you have to do this too, but maybe together we can do it with grace? hang in there.

Lorelai

(((McTired))))
It's sad sometimes how the stories sound so familiar??? How can so many intelligent, wonderful women be in the same situation? WE ARE INTELLIGENT AND WONDERFUL ! I don't feel like I've done anything with grace in the last 15 years but, with everyone's help, I'm making progress. Thanks for all of your help. We're in this together.
L