Titanic

Not all liars are active alcoholics. By the same token, not all active alcoholics are liars but a great many of them are. Concealing, lying, manipulating and taking are some of the "useful" tools in the hands of active alcoholics and addicts. Not all of them use the same tools, or the same tool every time. But those tools are in their toolbox, and they are going to use one of them.

Regardless, you know your A has lied and done a host of other wretched things that have caused you lots of pain. What you do with that is the question for you. Find a solution (if any) to the problem (some effective change that you CAN make to the situtation), change your attitude about it, accept it "as is" (because you can change neither it nor you) or stay miserable? Your choice.

As for your forgiveness, that's one of the hardest if not the hardest thing to do with some people. Give that tons of time. Forgiveness has to do with your recovery and NOT his actions ... though good ones by him going forward might make it easier for you to forgive him. Part of your recovery in Al-Anon is Step 9 of the Twelve Steps. Before one can make amends to a person, I believe one has to have forgiven that person in one's heart already. Otherwise, one's apology* might sound like this: "I'm sorry, but ..." Or one's attitude would belie the still pending resentments.

* In considering amends, include: acknowledging one's errors and the harms done; stating one's part; apologizing; changing or changed behaviors; and redressing the harms done (on top of the new behaviors).

FifiRhubarb

I don't want to be preachy or anything, and it is so much easier said than done, but only a few months into the marriage and already you are dealing with this crap...I would leave. How long have you been together, married or not? I was with a lying alcoholic for almost 2 years and I wish I hadn't been, because I would not be in the pain I am right now.

My ex and I broke up a few days ago because he was talking to another girl and had plans to meet up with her. I had suspicions of similar situations before, but never had any concrete information and he persuaded me my suspicions were wrong. This time, I found out for sure. I couldn't do it anymore. I still am so heartbroken and sad and wish I could be with him. But the "him" I want to be with is not the person he is. He is also drinking again, even though he is half-heartedly doing treatment. He is the biggest liar I have ever met. Before I met him, I honestly didn't think people lied this much. The pain I am going through right now is horrible but I have felt it before...from him, of course. And staying with him would have meant I'd feel it again.