EnoughEnough

Got a text from XAbf first thing this morning that he "went berserk" at about 4 this morning and that his mother was taking him to the hospital "in awhile". That he "did everything he could to show me he loved me" and "his life was going to hell". With 3 texts I'm immediately back in the tornado. I knew he stayed home from work yesterday, by his words because he had an upset stomach which from experience means "I drank all last night and I'm going on a bender today" so I can't say I'm surprised, but the range of emotions I've got going on right now when I was really just starting to think I had it together are mind boggling. I'm angry - that he's still doing this to himself, that he has the audacity to blame me, that he's putting his mother thru hell and that what was a 5+ year friendship turned brief romance has been destroyed by his choices. I'm sad, for many of the same reasons. I'm glad that I only have to deal with him indirectly at this point, but feel guilty about that same thing. I've barely spoken to him in 2 weeks, with only short phone calls and the occasional text (responding to him briefly, not initiating). I'm also frustrated because with his history of lying, I don't know if he's being truthful or making the whole thing up to rattle my cage and why should I care anyway??

Top that all off with my doctor finally decided to label the cluster of health issues i've had for the past year as fibromyalgia. I'm stressed, sore, and trying to wrap my brain around all this

jenni

dollydo

He is your ex, why not take a break from him and go no contact? Your health issues could be triggered by stress and dealing with him is definitely stressfull.

All he is doing is feeding you meaningless words. He has a mother, let his mommy deal with him, that is her choice.

Take care of you, get back on your feet, let him go.

Thumper

Deep breaths. The tornado is alcoholism and will spin endlessly. Steer clear.

Keep yourself centered and focused. Do not respond to the text. Perhaps it is time to block his number?

He had an alcohol induced meltdown. That is just part of the deal with an alcoholic - part of their life. It is nothing for you to get twisted up over. There is nothing you can do about it even if you wanted to. All the help and support he needs is out there for the taking if and when he wants it.

EnoughEnough

I've been seriously thinking about the no contact thing. Initiating it has me spinning my wheels though ... do I do it right now? Do I tell him or just stop communicating? Is that fair considering he's really going thru hell right now? Will I be causing him more harm and upset? Why do I even care? Is it ok to feel good about it and guilty at the same time?

This is not normal thinking, I'm at least certain of that.

Overthinking is one of my skillz...putting someone else's problems ahead of my own is another.

Freedom1990

Life is not a dress rehearsal. We get one shot at this thing.

How precious is your one life to you?!

Sending you hugs of support!

Confetti

I think that no contact may be just what you need for a little while....maybe forever.

I know that when I have no contact with STBXAH, that I'm calmer, my children are calmer, and over all our home is amuch more peaceful place. Since we have children I do have to have contact once in a while, but I find that the more days of no contact in between the brief conversations regarding the kids (which he inevitably needs to change the topic on), the easier it is to see what he is saying as lies and manipulation. I still get sucked into the vortex once in awhile, but it takes me far less time than a month ago to realize just what has happened.

You don't have to tell him anything. You can choose just to not answer or text back. And maybe without the constant stress of him in your life, the fibromyalgia may improve...

Thumper

Personally I would just quit responding to the texts.

I framed it like this and it helped me. When I offer support and encouragement when he's experiencing that alcohol induced meltdown I am supporting alcoholism.

The hell he is going through right now is due to active alcoholism. The only way to climb out of that hell is for his own voice to get louder then the voice of addiction in his head. To stop the active addiction. The alcoholic voice in his head loves nothing more than when we coddle/comfort/enable the person suffering because it silences their own voice and allows the voice of addiction to rule and take over a little more territory.

EnoughEnough

Thank you all, it definitely sounds like nc is the thing for me. I just got a text from his mom saying she is at the hospital with him now and will let me know what's going on later. I haven't answered...been too busy learning about my diagnosis. I hope he finally gets some help, but I have to be done worrying about him. It's literally killing me.