Why I read here every day- validated today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 137
Why I read here every day- validated today.
I joined here last may when my AH went into rehab after a family intervention.
His recovery has been up and down- but the last two months have been plain sailing- life has been calm etc- helped by the work I have tried to put in with AlAnon on Acceptance and Detachment. I was afraid of getting complacent and smug with this new regime in the house, so I read here every night to remind myself not to become too hopeful and to remain real to the truth.
The truth being that his recovery cannot be as easy as he made out-
And today, his behavior showed me where we are at! I was very upset this morning after finding out about the death of a young distant family member- stupidly I expected that I would get sympathy from my RAH ( who has a large case of man flu at the moment)- zilch!
I am so angry with myself for allowing myself to get upset that he could not be there for me emotionally, as I feel it has undermined my Acceptance- I knew he is emotionally unavailable so why did I feel the need for him to behave out of character?
More importantly- why am I still prepared to give this marriage a chance Fter 23 years of this rubbish? When am I ever going to out myself first?
Sorry about rant- 1.30 in the morning here, am exhausted after the day and cannot sleep-
Looking forward to my Al Anon meeting tomorrow night-
Thanks for listening-
His recovery has been up and down- but the last two months have been plain sailing- life has been calm etc- helped by the work I have tried to put in with AlAnon on Acceptance and Detachment. I was afraid of getting complacent and smug with this new regime in the house, so I read here every night to remind myself not to become too hopeful and to remain real to the truth.
The truth being that his recovery cannot be as easy as he made out-
And today, his behavior showed me where we are at! I was very upset this morning after finding out about the death of a young distant family member- stupidly I expected that I would get sympathy from my RAH ( who has a large case of man flu at the moment)- zilch!
I am so angry with myself for allowing myself to get upset that he could not be there for me emotionally, as I feel it has undermined my Acceptance- I knew he is emotionally unavailable so why did I feel the need for him to behave out of character?
More importantly- why am I still prepared to give this marriage a chance Fter 23 years of this rubbish? When am I ever going to out myself first?
Sorry about rant- 1.30 in the morning here, am exhausted after the day and cannot sleep-
Looking forward to my Al Anon meeting tomorrow night-
Thanks for listening-
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Oh my... this is why I love this website! You are up and cannot sleep and I thousands of miles away and waiting for it to stop raining so I can go out to dinner!
There are so many great sayings that I have read in the past couple of years here and one of them was:
You can wring the alcohol out an asshat and what you have left is a sober asshat!
Now ... that is not true of everyone but we focus so much on the alcohol we weave fantasy in our head that our loved one minus alcohol = prince charming/happy ending.
Obviously each A reaches different states of recovery and have different personalities and some remain emotionally unavailable and some are just plain sober asshats. And some are a bit of both and some truly spiritually recover and become great people and SO's.
Sometimes you just don't know until the pudding sets.
There are so many great sayings that I have read in the past couple of years here and one of them was:
You can wring the alcohol out an asshat and what you have left is a sober asshat!
Now ... that is not true of everyone but we focus so much on the alcohol we weave fantasy in our head that our loved one minus alcohol = prince charming/happy ending.
Obviously each A reaches different states of recovery and have different personalities and some remain emotionally unavailable and some are just plain sober asshats. And some are a bit of both and some truly spiritually recover and become great people and SO's.
Sometimes you just don't know until the pudding sets.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 137
Thanks Hopeworks - I smiled for the first today! The pudding sets? I got this vivid image of jelly running around a plate- a good metaphor for where I am at! Hope it stops raining so you can go for dinner
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
What flavors can we get, and is there a good one with NO shelf life?!
Great point Hopeworks, there's a gamut. Hope dinner worked out nicely for you.
Loopydays, give it time, think, listen and learn. These alcoholics take one to two years of recovery to build out their "Others" switch and see if it really works. Until then, they at best are learning to use the dimmer on their "Me" switch.
More will be revealed and you will be able to make a confident decision.
Great point Hopeworks, there's a gamut. Hope dinner worked out nicely for you.
Loopydays, give it time, think, listen and learn. These alcoholics take one to two years of recovery to build out their "Others" switch and see if it really works. Until then, they at best are learning to use the dimmer on their "Me" switch.
More will be revealed and you will be able to make a confident decision.
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