feistyone

Hi. I am new to this board, and have a question. After a pretty ugly fight between my husband (of 4 months) and I, and me saying some pretty rotten things to him, one of them being I would not give him 1 more cent to **** down the toilet, he asked me if I had ever heard of Al-Anon. I said yes, that I had, and yes, I had gone to one meeting with someone years ago. I cannot even remember the circumstances of why I went as I had never had any dealings with an alcoholic at that time in my life. Anyway, he than said to me there was a reason I kept ending up with people like him, (he is the 2nd alcoholic I have been with, the last one I lived with for 3 years) and that I was just as sick as he was. Of course I got REALLY angry and left the room, not broaching the subject with him again. This was yesterday morning. All day I kept wondering why he had asked me that. Could he be thinking of going back to AA? I guess I am afraid to ask him why he asked me that, as he is right, I have got to be just as sick as he is to have put myself back in this situation after having finally got away from the last one and swore I would never even date anyone who drank at all again. And what did I do? Go and find another one, to marry this time. Yes, I am afraid he will continue drinking, and yes, I am afraid he will stop as well. I am not sure just what do do at this point.

journeygal

Hi Feistyone and welcome.

Well, as much as it pains me to agree with your husband , he actually does have a point. There's something in you that keeps attracting A's, and for a lot of us it's the result of internalizing and repeating dysfunctional patterns and behavior learned from our childhood. Al-anon helps us learn to recognize these patterns and teaches us different ways of dealing with and reacting to others, no matter what choices they make.

I'm glad you found us and I hope you stay awhile. While you're here, check out the FYI power posts at the top of this forum. We all understand from experience what you're going through and we're always here for support.

Take care,
JG

smoke gets in my eyes

HI Feisty and welcome.

Whether or not you're as sick as him is not for him to judge. If he was going to AA and paying any attention he would know that evaluating someone else's recovery or lack thereof is totally beside the point. He said it to get himself off the hook by pointing fingers elsewhere. It doesn't change the fact that he's pissing your money away, but it's meant to distract you so he can keep getting away with it. Stick to your guns. Your level of sanity has nothing to do with the fact that he's blowing the budget.

Maybe you are sick. Maybe you have a few habits that could change and you need a little help changing them. Maybe you're in the middle somewhere. Your husband may have done it for the wrong reasons, but he really did make a good suggestion.

Hugs!
Smoke

myles1

Yes for whatever reasons your husband did make a good suggestion..............so take him up on it get to Alanon meetings. They will do you a world of good .

Ngaire

Daffodil

Feistyone;

Welcome to SR....I can't speak for anyone else but in looking back at my pattern of dating and loving I am a magnet for Alcoholics...I could probably go into a room of 200 stangers and I'd find the only alcoholic there...LOL...Yes, I can laugh about that now....Because it used to be true...

There is a one liner I'd like to share with you;

It doesn't matter how the ball of jarn got tangled, if I am the one who wants it untangled, I'd better do what needs to be done...

For me that was going to Al-Anon....I went and have been going ever since because when I go to my meetings, see my sponsor, do the simple things that are suggested, I FEEL BETTER.

Why don't you try 6 meetings before you decide whether it's for you...
Keep coming back here we're a friendly bunch..

Love and prayers,

Daffodil

12 Step Girl

Good advice given. Go to Al Anon.
You can stay where you are and get what your getting,
or try something new and maybe get something new?

Keep coming back, and welcome!!

lilly54

Welcome to SR, I am a new member as well and have found everyone very helpful and supportive. My A has used the you better go to al anon because your as sick as I am, in a way he was right but the one thing that I love about al anon is it gives you tools (and the support) to help yourself feel better, see what your A will do to get their way and teach you that you can't fix your A but you can take back control of your own life and get healthy, even if your A isn't.
don't give up...