Titanic

I assume that your court papers say nothing about this or you wouldn't be asking.

GettingBy is right. If both of you are the legal parents (bio or adoptive), your ex-spouse is sharing custody with you, and either of you dies, the surviving parent would have full custody unless something in the divorce or dissolution decree, or custody order that is in place at the time of death, says otherwise (in the best interests of the children). Guardianship of the children is for when both parents die at the same time (e.g., auto accident). Check it out with a lawyer though.

So, you may be able to get something in place through a new custody order (depending on your H's deteriorating condition AND the best interests of the children, etc). If you are willing to take full custody and your H is willing to (or allows himself to) relinquish parental rights is another possibilty to keep in mind. Then, there's the trust angle - money talks. If there's a significant amount of money in a trust that's properly drawn up, the Trustee could play a significant role in their lives ... but it's only because of whatever power the purse may hold, not because of the primary power of parental rights.

Just some random ideas to think about, and ask a lawyer in your state about. Glad that you are so watchful for your kids' welfare!

Learn2Live

I have no ES or H on this one. Just want to post my support. Here it is:

Ugh.

And boy am I glad I do not have a child with AXBF. That almost happened and now I am thanking my HP for not allowing that to happen. Cause I'd be cutting those brake lines girl.

Titanic

LOL L2L!

:rotfxko

GettingBy

Custody is one issue... financial support is another. I, like the others have posted, have a decent life insurance policy that is set up with my two children as equal beneficiaries (as are all my retirement accounts). My will has my oldest sister as the executor/administrator of those funds until the kids reach age 21. I have made DAMN sure that not one cent goes to my XAH!!!

A will is very cheap and easy to set up and WILL establish clear rules as to what happens to your assets should you perish. EVERYONE should have one - no matter how little you own.

Unfortunately, parental rights are non-transferrable through a will (unless both parents should freakishly happen to perish at the same time... then, in that case, it would be up to a court to compare the two wills (should they each have different plans for guardianship) and decide what's best for the children.

It sucks... but that's the reality of divorce.

Tuffgirl

lillamy, I have no advice. And I know our state's laws are screwy. I know my 15 yr old would go to her Dad if something happened to me. Luckily, my older is 18 now!

I like the trust idea, as it does protect whatever assets you have for your kids. But custody would go to their Dad unless he could be proved unfit.

Sucks, I know. Prayers you never have to test these waters!

lillamy

See, that's a common misconception. That's not the case in all states, that you get off paying child support if you relinquish your rights. Friend of mine was walked out on by her Prince Charming of a husband after their fifth child was born. He wanted to relinquish his parental rights. She said "OK." They went to court and when it was over, the judge asked the guy, "You know you'll still be paying child support for your five children until the youngest one is 18, right?" His facial expression was reportedly... princeless
:rotfxko

My vast estate won't be worth fighting over (although I'm padding it like crazy every time I have a dime over) but my kids are.

Tuffgirl

Good God! I can not even begin to imagine deciding that. It's beyond my comprehension.

But good for us for enforcing responsibility, even if its only financial.

Thumper

Here you are not always allowed to do so. I think both parents have to agree.

lillamy

Here, there's like a list of things the judge has to take into consideration when determining. The way my lawyer described it to me is that while the child doesn't get to decide until they're 18, the weight the judge puts on the will of the child sort of "rises" on that list until at around 14, it's generally considered the most important part.

He said in case law, 14 is the cutoff age in our state. There's only one case of an older child who was ordered to stay with one parent against his will. He was 15 1/2 and got emancipated at 16.