caittycait

So my father has been an alcoholic all of my life and within the past year entered a rehab facility following his 2nd DWI. A year before entering rehab he began dating this woman and our relationship became strained. It is now to the point where we have not spoken in 9 months. We will both be attending a family wedding this weekend and just kind of reaching out for support. I've been told my aunt (his sister who is also a recovering alcoholic) that I should not expect anything from him the year following his recovery. Is this a common thing? I don't recognize the man I knew. I know that alcohol alters your personality but this man was a loving kind caring person and now he is just a robot with no emotions.

laurie6781

Weeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllllll............... ................ since you haven't spoken in
9 months, you really have no clue as to where he is at in his recovery.

Keep it light, something like:

"Hi Dad, great to see you." Then if you notice he is NOT indulging in an alcoholic
drink you might say something like:

"Congrats on your sobriety."

Then change the subject, maybe to something about how beautiful the bride looks,
etc.

Keep it short, open, smiling, light, etc and then move on to your other friends.

That will probably make him more comfortable also. Your aunt is correct (from
another sober and clean A, ME, lol) that first year or so is a real 'humdinger'
as we start to discover 'emotions and feelings' that we buried so long with the
booze, and now we have to figure out what to do with them.

By you keeping the 'conversation' short and lively and non committal it will
make you both feel more comfortable.

In time, as he continues to work on his recovery and maintains sobriety, you
may end up with a relationship that you never dreamed was possible.

Just like it took him years to reach a point of wanting recovery, it is going to
take a few years to really seem 'human'.

Enjoy the wedding, and I am sending good thoughts and prayers for both you
and your father that this meeting goes well for both of you!

Love and hugs,

MycoolFitz

I have no clue, everyone is different as is every situation but at 78 my dad sobered and was sober when he died 5 years later. For 20 years I didn't call at night because I couldn't take the slur. All I'm saying is anything is possible and people can find themselves. Important thing, take care of yourself which includes I think you can't controll and are not responsible for others. Just don't beat yourself up. Everything changes.

caittycait

Thank you so much for your responses. It is so nice to hear from people that are not involved emotionally in the situation. I am slowly understanding that I have no idea what he is thinking/going through/etc. and it is wrong for me to assume that he is doing this out of ill-will. I will most definitely keep things lite. I sent him a text a few nights ago to kind of break the awkwardness just saying "Hey I know we haven't spoken in a while and we will probably see each other this weekend. Hope all is well and look forward to seeing you" For the longest time I blamed the way he was treating me on his controlling girlfriend I've finally accepted that he is responsible for his own actions. Thanks again for the kind words. I really appreciate getting perspective from someone who has been through this on the other side of it.