Sadconfused

No wonder I am so Eff'ed up. My father just told me that ABF is the best I could ever do. He has seen the crap ABF has put me through yet he still can sit and say that to me. Even if he didn't have a clue, that is something you just don't say to your kid at any age. I am so furious, I really can't believe he said it. Just wow.....

kudzujean

That was an unkind thing to say.

Consider the source, that's what my mother used to say. Some people's opinions are to be valued, others aren't.

BlueSkies1

That comment stunk.
Has your father always been so demeaning to you? Time to look at whether he is someone who has helped prop you up in life or someone who tears you down.

Sadconfused

I dunno, it shocked me. He has been an A most of my life, was clean for 7 yrs, then right after I got pregnant he started drinking again. He only drinks beer for the most part now though. It shouldn't surprise me but I guess it def madee realize I was kinda set up to tolerate all this crap as a kid. The anger has faded a little now but yea reality check for sure. Crappy Monday : (

BobbyJ

Dont let it get you down.......Let it get you stronger

Thumper

You are right, something like that should never be said !!

You are a bright, resourceful, kind, strong, loving woman. You are a great mother. You are to smart to settle for what is not good for you.

You deserve honor, respect, honesty, and love. You give that to yourself and your child. You can demand it from others.

If your father identifies with an alcoholic man that has no sense of those things more strongly then he does with his daughter that is a sad sad statement about him - but is not a reflection of you.

lizatola

My father pulled a lot of that with me, especially when I was much younger. He had very low self-esteem and thought that everyone was better than him, that is, until he started drinking in the evening. Then he was better than everybody else. Anyway, you don't deserve to hear this kind of stuff, no one does. Can you set some boundaries with him, do you have to converse with him on a regular basis? I know it's hard when it's our parents, but if they are alcoholics it makes it even tougher.

Just remember that the things people say reflect who THEY are, not who YOU are! Trust in yourself, trust in your Higher Power. We're here for you at SR, too!

Confetti

Wow is right....that was an awful thing for him to say!

Just know that there are people out here that support you and know that you can do better.

celticgenes

Alcoholics lack relationship skills. Period. Even when they are sober, it doesn't guarantee emotional growth. Sorry, that must have hurt. He's entitled to his opinion (stinky as it is). You have no obligation to believe hateful garbage.

Learn2Live

Alcoholic dads just $uck. Ignore his stupid comment.

My dad always called us names to keep us feeling bad about ourselves. Last time he did that to me, I told him, "Dad, I am 40 years old and you can no longer call me that." He hasn't called me a name ever since.

If you work on your own recovery, and work on yourself, you learn to cut them off with grace, keeping your composure. It's a good feeling. Don't you dare let what your dad said get you down. It's just a bunch of drunken BS! Keep your chin up and prove him wrong!

WishingWell

Well, alcoholic dad's definitely s*ck but my dad wasn't an alcoholic and he s*cked, too!

I feel for all kids with bad parents!! Really is damaging . . .

Sadconfused

Thanks everyone, I know better than to actually believe me. I know for a fact I can do better. My dad is very old school I guess. He believes a women should stay at home with the kids, cook, clean, and serve their spouse. He also thinks it is better to stay in an unhappy crappy relationship just for the kids. Needless to say I don't fall into any of those beliefs, never have and we bump heads over it a lot. My dad lives here with us so I do have to deal with him daily, I can typically ignore his ignorant comments but that one got to me. I just use it as a learning experience as to how I never want to do or say that to my own kid. I've been distracted a lot this week and haven't had much time to read or journal. I feel myself getting kinda overwhelmed so I am going to try to relax today and take some time for myself. It's rainy out so that doesn't help my mood much.

NWGRITS

If I had a dime for every time my AM said something like that, I wouldn't have to work right now. I could be a stay-at-home mom and still make my car payment every month. You have my empathy. I've always hated the "sticks & stones" saying. My version is more like "sticks & stones may break my bones, but bones heal. Words last forever." We may be able to forgive and eventually move on, but we never truly forget. I'm used to AM spewing her venom, but it still hurts after all these years. I've just learned to not react, especially not in front of her. Three months of NC (and counting) definitely helps.