Hi I'm new
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1
Hi I'm new
Hi all, I'm new here. First time I have thought about doing something like this.
I have been with my hubby for 5 years, I knew he liked a drink when I met him, but didn't realise just how much....... It's now getting to the point I feel like leaving (again)
He tells me he hasn't got a problem with alcohol, but it is affecting our home life and the children, he is always promising to cut down and stop but then gets moody and withdrawn until he has a binge again and ends up being a complete idiot, and us falling out.
I don't go out with him as he is 'the embarrassing loud drunk.' We argue at home because when he drinks he says some horrible things, that he conveniently forgets, shouts at my daughter, refuses to stop drinking, shouts at me when I want to go to bed if he hasn't finished the drink he has bought, I never have alcohol in the house so when he buys 12 cans he will stay up till there all gone.....or sometimes buys more
I just don't know what to do anymore.......
Sorry for long post!
Felt good to get some of it out, I could write pages.........
I have been with my hubby for 5 years, I knew he liked a drink when I met him, but didn't realise just how much....... It's now getting to the point I feel like leaving (again)
He tells me he hasn't got a problem with alcohol, but it is affecting our home life and the children, he is always promising to cut down and stop but then gets moody and withdrawn until he has a binge again and ends up being a complete idiot, and us falling out.
I don't go out with him as he is 'the embarrassing loud drunk.' We argue at home because when he drinks he says some horrible things, that he conveniently forgets, shouts at my daughter, refuses to stop drinking, shouts at me when I want to go to bed if he hasn't finished the drink he has bought, I never have alcohol in the house so when he buys 12 cans he will stay up till there all gone.....or sometimes buys more
I just don't know what to do anymore.......
Sorry for long post!
Felt good to get some of it out, I could write pages.........
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 230
Hello,
I'm fairly new here myself, so I will give you the advice they all gave me right off the bat. Read lots, post lots and don't forget to check out the stickies at the top.
We are all here for you.
Sometimes it just helps to know that we are not alone.
Hugs.
I'm fairly new here myself, so I will give you the advice they all gave me right off the bat. Read lots, post lots and don't forget to check out the stickies at the top.
We are all here for you.
Sometimes it just helps to know that we are not alone.
Hugs.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Pull up a chair, read around this forum and Family & Friends of Substance Abusers, addiction is addiction. Also take some time to read all the stickeys at the top of each forum, lots of great information at your fingertips.
Unfortunately, there is never any peace when living with someone in the throws of addiction. It is a nasty disease that has no cure and will affect everyone it comes in contact with, including your children. I am the daughter of an alcoholic, living in that toxic enviorment was h#ll, I still bear the scars today. Do what is best for the minor children, they are the true victims.
Keep posting, it will help.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I'm glad you found us, but sorry for the reason that brought you here. Please make yourself at home by reading, venting, posting as much as needed. You are not alone.
I agree with the others about reading in the sticky posts. The stickies are older, permanent posts that are preserved at the top of the main page for each section of this website. There are about 14 sections at the top of this Friends and Family main page.
One of the stickies that really helped me while living with active alcoholism was this post:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I'm glad you found us, but sorry for the reason that brought you here. Please make yourself at home by reading, venting, posting as much as needed. You are not alone.
I agree with the others about reading in the sticky posts. The stickies are older, permanent posts that are preserved at the top of the main page for each section of this website. There are about 14 sections at the top of this Friends and Family main page.
One of the stickies that really helped me while living with active alcoholism was this post:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I suggest attending some Al-Anon meetings. They say to attend at least 6 different meetings before making up your mind whether or not the program is helpful to you. Al-Anon is a fellowship of friends and family of alcoholics who meet to provide support to one another, and to work a program of recovery from living with and loving an alcoholic. I strongly suggest it; it saved my life.
How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
Welcome! We've all been in your spot. As we say often, you didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it - the 3 C's. That first C was such a relief (though I still "slip" into thinking that but rarely now).
SR stickies, and threads. Reading and posting, as you are doing - about any issue or concern you have surrounding the A or Addiction.
Al-Anon meetings. Most definitely. The face-to-face, hometown support is invaluable. It saved my life. It was my 911 EMS. There they gave me ESH - Experience, Strength & Hope!
Education about alcoholism as a family disease too! We become infected. We have a role as caretakers, comedians, fixers, joiners, loners, rescuers, persecutors or victims.
Enablers:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-our-part.html
Codependents:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...st-us-did.html
and
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dependent.html
Most of all take care of YOU and protect your daughter. You want to know what children raised in an active alcoholic's home, like dollydo, think and learn and inherit? Read this threads and check out the ACoA forum:
While growing up: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...addiction.html
The results as adults: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-children.html
All the best to you & yours.
SR stickies, and threads. Reading and posting, as you are doing - about any issue or concern you have surrounding the A or Addiction.
Al-Anon meetings. Most definitely. The face-to-face, hometown support is invaluable. It saved my life. It was my 911 EMS. There they gave me ESH - Experience, Strength & Hope!
Education about alcoholism as a family disease too! We become infected. We have a role as caretakers, comedians, fixers, joiners, loners, rescuers, persecutors or victims.
Enablers:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-our-part.html
Codependents:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...st-us-did.html
and
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dependent.html
Most of all take care of YOU and protect your daughter. You want to know what children raised in an active alcoholic's home, like dollydo, think and learn and inherit? Read this threads and check out the ACoA forum:
While growing up: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...addiction.html
The results as adults: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-children.html
All the best to you & yours.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
If you need to vent, this is a good place to do so...
I'm at work and don't have time to write alot regarding your post
..I just want to say....YOU are NOT alone!
I understand from the bottom of my heart what you're saying and how you feel.
Just like all of the other's in here do- We get it!
Keep on posting and hope you have a better day....MUAH!!!
I'm at work and don't have time to write alot regarding your post
..I just want to say....YOU are NOT alone!
I understand from the bottom of my heart what you're saying and how you feel.
Just like all of the other's in here do- We get it!
Keep on posting and hope you have a better day
....MUAH!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Hello and welcome...
One thing that struck me immediately with your post is that you said you argue when he drinks.
I think one thing you can do for yourself immediately is to refuse to ever argue with a drunk.
I finally smartened up enough to realize that having any kind of serious discussion with an intoxicated person is a huge mistake.
Give yourself that little bit of relief...refuse to ever have a serious discussion when he is intoxicated. Walk away, mumble something, say "yes dear" and then ignore him, heck, even hand him another so that he passes out quicker so that you can have the peace and quiet of him being passed out.
Anything to avoid being confrontational with a drunk will give you a small bit more of sanity!
It's a boundary for you. Recognize when he is drinking, tell yourself no serious issues during communication, keep it to "wheres the remote?" and nothing more serious than that...limit the conversation to what will not set him off.
Serious issues? Disagreements? ONLY when he is sober. A drunk is simply not capable.
And keep writing...we are here to read those pages and pages...
One thing that struck me immediately with your post is that you said you argue when he drinks.
I think one thing you can do for yourself immediately is to refuse to ever argue with a drunk.
I finally smartened up enough to realize that having any kind of serious discussion with an intoxicated person is a huge mistake.
Give yourself that little bit of relief...refuse to ever have a serious discussion when he is intoxicated. Walk away, mumble something, say "yes dear" and then ignore him, heck, even hand him another so that he passes out quicker so that you can have the peace and quiet of him being passed out.
Anything to avoid being confrontational with a drunk will give you a small bit more of sanity!
It's a boundary for you. Recognize when he is drinking, tell yourself no serious issues during communication, keep it to "wheres the remote?" and nothing more serious than that...limit the conversation to what will not set him off.
Serious issues? Disagreements? ONLY when he is sober. A drunk is simply not capable.
And keep writing...we are here to read those pages and pages...
And Presents For Pretty Girls
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 319
Welcome to SR. First, know that you have come to a place of support, where you can talk freely and openly to others who have been or are in your situation.
Reading and posting were key for me. I got out of the library every book that was recommended. I started working the Al-Anon 12 steps. Got myself to a CoDA meeting. I began to realize I had to heal myself and take control over my own life.
Keep on posting!
Reading and posting were key for me. I got out of the library every book that was recommended. I started working the Al-Anon 12 steps. Got myself to a CoDA meeting. I began to realize I had to heal myself and take control over my own life.
Keep on posting!
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