Why are the nights so hard?
 

durning the day I keep busy but at night it all comes rushing back.
I keep pushing the issue about staying together or not trying to get him to go one way or the other and I still get nothing.

I am looking forward to the day that I will be able to afford to live on my own.

Mornings are worse for me. By the end of the day I hate him again. But mornings I seem to be weaker. We live together still and I haven't filed yet so I'm really draggin it out here. It's a roller coaster of heartache. Those nights we are 'getting along' (he is on his best behavior) are HARD. I just try n hold myself n tell myself that I AM enough.

A few nights I have laid with him. Now THOSE mornings suck. My ego says, oh YOU can handle it. You're still getting a divorce anyways, who cares if you give him a little hope.
But in the morning I find myself thinking 'will I look back and know I tried every thing?'
And after awhile I realize not only did I try everything, HE tried nothing. And all the lies, it's just not what I want haunting me or my relationship. And it's not what I deserve, there are too many fish in the sea. I gotta be brave and dive in, I am very very loyal and deserve that in return even if it takes me 50 years :)

I agree. Nights are rough and lonely. SR is my savior at night. =)