Can't do it anymore
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 10
Can't do it anymore
I just need to see if anyone can help me. My mother has been an acholoic since I can remember. I'm married with 2 kids and still taking care of her. The last straw was over the weekend she watched the boys over night and when we went to pick them up in the morning she was wasted could not even stand. She was not drinking when we dropped them off and has been sober again! for 2 months. I'm so hurt that she would go that far to drink around my children. I NEVER want them to go through what I went through. I'm so angry at her but at the same time am worried that she is at home drinking herself to death. I cant keep on checking on her or calling an ambulance. I'm just afraid something bad is going to happen. I lover her so much but but I just cant deal with this anymore.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Schafer)) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here. When I first got here, I read a lot of other posts. Found out I wasn't alone, and neither are you. You may also want to read the "stickies" (permanent posts at the top of this forum). There's a lot of good information there.
I live with my dad and stepmom (sm) and right now, she is wasted in the den (pills). Even though I'm also a recovering addict, I tried....for a long time, to make her see what she was doing to herself and those who love her. It's taken me a lot of time and reading here to accept she's going to do what she's going to do and I can't change it.
It's hard to watch someone we love self-destruct, and there are a lot of great people here to walk with you as you deal with this.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I live with my dad and stepmom (sm) and right now, she is wasted in the den (pills). Even though I'm also a recovering addict, I tried....for a long time, to make her see what she was doing to herself and those who love her. It's taken me a lot of time and reading here to accept she's going to do what she's going to do and I can't change it.
It's hard to watch someone we love self-destruct, and there are a lot of great people here to walk with you as you deal with this.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Schafer81, thank you for coming here and sharing. I grew up with an alcoholic mother and lived under the burden of my childhood for so many years, repeating the same old patterns until they nearly destroyed me. You are brave to seek help in dealing with a monstrous situation, and I commend you for wanting to protect your kids from what you went through.
Please keep reading and posting, and most of all remember that you are not alone. There are so many people that have gone through and are going through similar situations. You can find strength and courage here to navigate. The waters can be dark and dangerous, but you are not alone.
Something bad might happen to your mother. If it does, it won't be your fault. There won't have been some magic answer you just didn't find in time to save her. Until she decides to change her life, her life won't change. You, however, have your own choices to make about whether yours changes.
Please keep reading and posting, and most of all remember that you are not alone. There are so many people that have gone through and are going through similar situations. You can find strength and courage here to navigate. The waters can be dark and dangerous, but you are not alone.
Something bad might happen to your mother. If it does, it won't be your fault. There won't have been some magic answer you just didn't find in time to save her. Until she decides to change her life, her life won't change. You, however, have your own choices to make about whether yours changes.
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
I echo those sentiments. Great job on setting a boundary to protect the kids!
Go to Al-Anon meetings, and keep reading and posting here on SR!
Here's a thread that shows how long a road worrying about and trying to fix an alcoholic can take one. Eye opening.
We know you care. So do we. Yet, we all ended up here and in Al-Anon/Nar-Anon for a reason! 3 C's of Al-Anon: you didn't Cause the alcoholism or drinking, you can't Control it (or her) and you can't Cure it. Hope that helps!
Go to Al-Anon meetings, and keep reading and posting here on SR!
Here's a thread that shows how long a road worrying about and trying to fix an alcoholic can take one. Eye opening.
We know you care. So do we. Yet, we all ended up here and in Al-Anon/Nar-Anon for a reason! 3 C's of Al-Anon: you didn't Cause the alcoholism or drinking, you can't Control it (or her) and you can't Cure it. Hope that helps!
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
I completely understand and I'm so sorry you're going through this.
My mother is also an alcoholic. Today she has been sober for 8+ years. I remember her drinking too much as a young child but it was at it's worst when I was in my 20s. At one point she lived with me. The deal was "Don't drink and get a job." She did not abide by those rules and I had to kick her out. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done.
She went and lived in an apartment by herself. I didn't cut off contact completely, I guess I wasn't strong enough to do it. She pretty much isolated herself so it was always me calling or stopping by to check on her. I felt like I was obligated to do that ..... it overwhelmed me and I felt responsible for her actions.
I did go to one alanon meeting and I felt like they just didn't understand me. I didn't go back for a long time.
Eventually, my mother ended up in ICU then assisted living (in her early 50s!) for about a year. That near-death experience is what made her decide to get sober once and for all. None of her other consequences did. Losing her marriage of 20+ years, limited contact with her children, kicked out of my house, kicked out of her sisters house (twice), kicked out of countless sober living homes .... I could go on and on.
Bottom line, I finally realized there was NOTHING I could say to convince her she needed to get sober. She had to get to that point on her own.
I highly recommend alanon meetings and lots of reading (and posting) here at SR.
I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. I know how tough it is. Helplessness is one of the most horrible feelings ever.
My mother is also an alcoholic. Today she has been sober for 8+ years. I remember her drinking too much as a young child but it was at it's worst when I was in my 20s. At one point she lived with me. The deal was "Don't drink and get a job." She did not abide by those rules and I had to kick her out. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done.
She went and lived in an apartment by herself. I didn't cut off contact completely, I guess I wasn't strong enough to do it. She pretty much isolated herself so it was always me calling or stopping by to check on her. I felt like I was obligated to do that ..... it overwhelmed me and I felt responsible for her actions.
I did go to one alanon meeting and I felt like they just didn't understand me. I didn't go back for a long time.
Eventually, my mother ended up in ICU then assisted living (in her early 50s!) for about a year. That near-death experience is what made her decide to get sober once and for all. None of her other consequences did. Losing her marriage of 20+ years, limited contact with her children, kicked out of my house, kicked out of her sisters house (twice), kicked out of countless sober living homes .... I could go on and on.
Bottom line, I finally realized there was NOTHING I could say to convince her she needed to get sober. She had to get to that point on her own.
I highly recommend alanon meetings and lots of reading (and posting) here at SR.
I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. I know how tough it is. Helplessness is one of the most horrible feelings ever.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Well, first off, I do understand.
I am convinced that my mother will die an alcoholic...she has been drinking for over 65 years, and, never been in recovery. I would say that the only days she has miseed drinking has been when she has been in the hospital...so lets say a total of 20 days out of 65 years...quite a record! She drinks hard liquor from morning to night....how she is alive is beyond me.
There is nothing I can do to stop her, and, there is nothing you can do to get your mother to stop and into recovery...it is all up to her.
Live your life, get to Alanon meetings, read Codependent No More, all the stickeys at the top of all the forums in the family & friends section...lots of valuable information at your fingertips.
I am sorry....but...you cannot save her...save yourself...embrace your life...this is it...there are no dress rehersals.
I am convinced that my mother will die an alcoholic...she has been drinking for over 65 years, and, never been in recovery. I would say that the only days she has miseed drinking has been when she has been in the hospital...so lets say a total of 20 days out of 65 years...quite a record! She drinks hard liquor from morning to night....how she is alive is beyond me.
There is nothing I can do to stop her, and, there is nothing you can do to get your mother to stop and into recovery...it is all up to her.
Live your life, get to Alanon meetings, read Codependent No More, all the stickeys at the top of all the forums in the family & friends section...lots of valuable information at your fingertips.
I am sorry....but...you cannot save her...save yourself...embrace your life...this is it...there are no dress rehersals.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
