Left ABF! I have a new life! Now what?
 

I just moved away from ABF this weekend. I said my last goodbye on Friday morning. I havent called him and he hasnt called me. When I went back to clean our old place, I left him a note outlining what I did and what still needed to be done. I didnt email or text him because I didnt want to start a train of communication.

My new apartment is beautiful. I have a group of wonderful friends that helped me move this weekend that I am eternally grateful for. I know I made the right decision. However, I just feel sad and a bit blah with all the changes. I cant help but feel a bit lonely, especially because this week is my birthday and I know I will miss him.

When will I start to feel happy? I just want to know, for those of you who left, when did you really start to feel relieved and get on with life?

Also, should I still go to al anon even though we are not together anymore? How long is that acceptable?

If you break your leg, how long does it take to walk well again without pain? It takes some time, and that's normal! Healing comes. Congratulations, how brave you've been.

I think Alanon is there for you for the rest of your life, there is no criteria.

Keep going to Alanon until you don't want to go to Alanon. Then keep going anyway until you really, really don't want to go to Alanon. Happy comes when it comes-- maybe sooner, maybe later. But, unless you find yourself another alcoholic or reconnect with this one, as long as you keep going to Alanon you will find Happy.

Congratulations!

It doesn't sound like you are feeling too badly. Yes, loneliness is common and I found it helpful to get out of the house and focus on activities you enjoy that do not remind you of him.

I started feeling a lot better after the 2nd month mark, though I admittedly have some lingering issues related to his verbal abuse. I do not think I am ready to be in another relationship, but I have gone out on some casual dates which has been fun.

Yes, go to at least six Al-Anon meetings. It will most definitely help.

How long should you keep going? Well, it depends on how well you want to get! :)

I am 2 plus years out from leaving. Overall much happier and calmer.

I am still going to Al-Anon. I went for about four months before leaving, and sometimes feel guilty by the fact that I don't have addictive addiction in my life.....

It still helps me to work on me however.

Your life was affected by someone else's alcoholism or addiction. That's the only requirement for membership. No need for guilt, though I understand why the disconnect.

Do you still want to get better or do 12th Step service work for those others still suffering? :)

Takes time, just relax, this too shall pass.