Please tell my husband WHY he needs alanon
 

Hello...

I am the alcoholic in the dynamic... and DH needs to get himself to al-anon. I am working my program... I have a sponsor and am building a network of sober friends... doing the steps... life isn't easy but I'm not dead yet. I just got a full-time job... I have almost 6 months in the program, my last drink was 174 days ago. I am committed and conscientious and make time for him and really LISTEN and be present. I am truly a grateful recovering alcoholic. However, as most know-- recovery is not like healing a broken bone. It is not quick or easy.

Insights are welcome: We met and dated/fell in love only one month before I quit drinking... then I quit... because he seemed like a good man and I was tired of hurting people with my disease. I didn't want to hurt him. After another month, I attended my first AA meeting... and then we married only 4 weeks later. It wasn't a very bright thing to do... had I had any idea the depths of his codependency issues I would not have vowed to take them on in early recovery and married... when here at 6 months in, my recovery isn't getting much easier, its layers after layers peeling back... more being revealed.

I need his support. I am doing all that time allows (I just went from working 20 hours a week to working 55 hours a week... ) and am exhausted at the end of each day... what I need is a hug and "did you talk to your sponsor?" and not an argument because he misinterprets my moods and/or words. He is also a work-aholic... codependent.

I also attend ACOA once a week... I don't know what else to do... I am doing my part in this... it is not fair-- he knows what he married. He was fully cognizant of the fact that I was an active alcoholic for 17 years prior to meeting him, and that this was going to take some time.

What can I tell him that other people get from Al-anon?? How do you encourage others to participate in your fellowship?

Thank you.

well just like you can lead a horse to water...
he has to want it. You know the drill.
Tell him to come here and voice his grievances. We really need to hear the problem from the person themselves...
meanwhile, can you tell me how to get my XA to understand he needs to attend AA? Because I never made any progress there.
And mostly...CONGRATS ON YOUR SOBRIETY...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Light bulb just went on... thanks. I'm EXHAUSTED... too tired.

Congrats on your sobriety and working your program. Keep up the good work!

Now, grab an Al-Anon brochure, leave it for him, and wish for the best. Like you, he has to find his own way. Ignore the rest...

Early marriage is hard enough; you have a double whammy with this on top of it all. Try to have some patience. Do rely on your sponsor and your program right now.

Good luck to you both,
~T

here! here!

and leave the rest to your Higher Power