A Spiritual Revolution!

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09-18-2012, 10:38 PM

# 41 (permalink)

Argnotthisagain

Member

Join Date: May 2012

Location: Rochester, ny

Posts: 405

Quote:

Originally Posted by WishingWell

Get a notebook and start writing, don't think too hard just let it out, no editing.

"His/her addiction is teaching me that I . . . "

And then question your answers with love. "His addiction is teaching me that I . . . am afraid of my future."

"What am I afraid of?" Being alone.

Bingo. What's so scary about being alone? Keep asking ourselves kind questions until we hit on an answer that rings truth to us. You know that feeling?

Amazing how willing we are to help ourselves if asked . . .

Hmm. I'm alone, again. A scenario that keeps happening, in spite of (ha ha, O! Irony!) it being my Big Fear. And lingering sorrow over a lonely and uncommonly painful childhood. Result? Chasing after "love", desperation for affection and just simple physical touch and nurturing. Head in a cloud of yearning for a dream that blew up in my face--again. .......falling for severly damaged people who appear to love me (it's familiar: the occasional intrusive feeling of something wrong, UN-safety, fear, which is also so familiar--my formative experiences.) I then deny, trance-out and dissociate from the awareness about the person. Then as the r-ship disintegrates, I desperately try to fix. Lastly, in the end, it dies but I continue to live-- for years, sometimes-- in a state of yearning for the "good bits".

The realisation about SAFETY is a big one that I just recently "got". Basic survival needs and fears that were critical since I was an infant.

Thanks, this got me thinking "out loud".