GettingBy

Holy heck... The "dating debacle" continues!! See the first thread here...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lie-brown.html

So, I decided to take the entire summer off from dating after the hot mess is June. I spent the summer cycling my tail off, joined a gym so I could get back to swimming. Was focus on taking care of me and my recovery.

I met a guy a month ago at a cycling event. We got along well. Spent the last month talking on the phone. He kept asking me out (go biking, go to dinner, etc). I was busy (see: single mom with a full time engineering job!!) so I couldn't. Well, last week I finally had free time so we went to dinner on Friday night. It was fun - I laughed my ass off. It was a nice break. I spent yesterday hanging out with girlfriends and biking with my team. Today was a bike race that dinner guy was going to be at.

I was a bit stressed because my team was going to be there too... And I did not want to do an introduction (way too soon for that). So, we are out on the course racing... When I come up on a spray painted sign on the road...

"go Shannon go! U r the best!"

Holy f$ck!!! You have got to be kidding me... But alas, there it was for all to see. Oh. My. God.

I was dreading finishing the race - I knew I was in for a world of jokes and teasing. I knew my team would figure it out and have a field day. And they did. As did the race director - who announced to all.. "there she is! That's Shannon and she's the best."

So, I won't be doing dinner with that man again. That was by far the most pyscho thing I've ever experienced. I can't believe that he thought that would be appropriate... After eating dinner together once!!!

I mean... I am the best... But to spray paint that on the road?!? We are way too old for that crap.

Thanks for listening!! Hopefully this made somebody laugh!
Shannon

suki44883

Just be happy it didn't say...Shannon, will you marry me?

Jimuk

Ok, you're embarrased and rightly so. But in a way i think its kind of nice. I'm sure he didn't think it through properly. Don't be too hard on him, we all make mistakes.. haha x

Tuffgirl

Ok, here goes my possibly wacked out take on it - I thought it was a funny thing to do. And I don't think I am way too old for that crap, as a matter of fact, I think its cute. And at the finish line, when the announcer called that out, I would have bowed for the crowd. But hey...I never said I was 100% sane myself...and if there's one thing I am focusing on these days, its not taking myself so %$&# seriously. (rule #6. or is it #62?)

Why do you think its psycho when it sounds like you had a good time with the guy at dinner?

Titanic

Would you feel differently if he had made his own sign instead of defacing public properrty?

GettingBy

It's way over the top... Way too soon. We don't know each other well enough For something like that. It was HUGE... Covered the entire road And he KNEW my whole team would be there. He said, "gee, I didn't think anyone one would notice. I'm thought there would be lots of Shannon's here.". Really?!?!

I understand the humor of it... But to me, it falls in line with stalking. He's pushing for a relationship instead of going with the flow and letting things evolve on their own.

FOr the record... There was 120 of us racing... And on the 39 mile course... That was the ONLY message painted. It shoved Him straight into the rest of my life... Which I'm not ready to have comingling. I should add that two of my teammates are also co-workers... So I'm in for a world of ridicule tomorrow morning.

I had fun at dinner... Not that much fun though.

Titanic

Yeah, I get your point more now. Over the top. Did you take a picture of it? Would be fun to see!

Katiekate

I guess he enjoyed your company.

I'd have dinner with him again.

Go Shannon Go!

GettingBy

I didn't get a picture... But my teammates did. They kept yelling,"oh Shannon!!! You are THE BEST!" They are a group of wise guys so I'm sure they will do something mighty fine with the picture!

Titanic

Get a hold of it and share! Someday, you'll look back and have a great big ol' laugh ... especially if you end up marrying dinner dude!

Thumper

It is not my style either so I get why you would not like it but I don't think it is in the same vein as stalking. He might not be the right guy for you but that doesn't make him a psycho

People have wildly different boundaries regarding what they share with others. He maybe tells his friends he's talking to an awesome lady he met after the first phone call. You apparently need a lot more then that - both are OK maybe just not compatible.

Tuffgirl

I'm with Thumper; this isn't stalking. To me, stalking would have been him around every corner of the race with a cardboard sign and a t-shirt with your face on it titled "Team Shannon".

Maybe its a sign from your HP for you to learn to laugh at yourself?! I think there's a line between good humored joking and ridicule. And I'd be flattered that someone would go to the lengths this guy did to get your attention. Unless he did it while drunk! ; )

I know a lot of men whose motto is "go big or go home".

suki44883

Yeah, I don't think it's psycho either, but it clearly made you uncomfortable. I'm just wondering if it would bother you so much if co-workers hadn't been there. Maybe it's the ribbing you expect to get rather than what he actually did that bothers you. You did say you had been talking by phone with him for an entire month and then had dinner. You said you laughed a lot, so it sounds like he may just be a fun-loving kinda guy. Maybe I'm just weird, but I don't think what he did was so terrible.

dandylion

Wow. I guess the crux of the matter is where you draw your boundries.

I must confess that I would have loved it. It would have made me smile inside--cause I might have done the same thing for a friend of mine---if I felt the impulse to encourage them and show solidarity--support for their efforts.

I would view it as a beautiful spontaneous gesture, and not an an "obligation" in way. I would trust that as I got to know him more (if I chose to do so), more of his personality and character would be revealed.

But, then, that is me and each person makes these decisions for themselves. I get that.

I also view good humored teasing as a sign of affection and not a criticism.
Again---just me

dandylion

Titanic

I'm with dandylion. Give it time. More will be revealed!

Tuffgirl

If he starts spray painting your driveway with love notes...then it might be time to worry! ; )

*Said in good natured ribbing because I like you!*

Titanic

Or if you had actually broken up with him and he had Missing posters of you up on telephone poles!

And it worked! "Hopefully this made somebody laugh!"

lillamy

Well... as a racer (I should probably add "former") myself, I think I get it. That's the kind of thing your very supportive husband or long-time coach does. It's nothing I would ever do for someone I had gone on one date with. It is sort of too personal in my mind, too -- but that's neither here nor there. It felt to personal and pushy to you and that's what matters.

It's like... my girlfriend who is recently divorced went out for coffee after some mandatory divorce class (for people with children, some states have them) with an old college friend she ran into in class... and the next day, he sent her flowers at the office and a card that said, "thanks for talking me down yesterday -- hope I'll be able to return the favor. Soon."

She thought it was cute. I thought it was kind of 'too much too soon'. We all have our different boundaries, and some people will pick up on them subconsciously and some people won't get them even if we smack them over the head with them in big letters.

I just hope this isn't going to make your cycling less joyful!

Titanic

Don't get her wheels spinning!! LOL

suki44883

We're all entitled to have our own feelings. We come to feel the way we do because of our life experiences, so what might bother one person may not affect another at all. It's all okay, and there is no right or wrong way to feel about something like this.