grieving
 

Just laying here in dark...4yo asleep next to me and I'm just missing my family. I miss separated AH, I miss our family. I feel so alone. The only thing keeping me sane is knowing I am making a better choice for my life and my childrens life.

I see him almost every day for exchange of our daughter so its so hard to grive and let go of someone who I'm still very much in love with when I literally see him. But I know inside that body there's so much healing that needs to occur and I am happy to put that burden on him to deal with. I can't live in his chaos anymore.

Things are ok, no drama. I just miss him with all of my heart...I am grieving for the man he used to be...All I can do is say a little prayer and go to sleep. This pain...it really just cuts you to the core. God help me.

Hugs and prayers for peace, sweettee. This too shall pass. Until then, we have to just get through it.
~T

:hug: Sweetteewalls,

It will get easier with time. I know it hurts sometimes, though. Especially at night when all the activity of the day is through.

I used to jump completely out of my skin when I would even receive an e-mail from my ex-husband. Now, on the extraordinarily rare occasion when I do get one....it's just another piece of mail.

Hope you were able to get some sleep!

Oh Sweetteewalls, I am right there with you, I feel the same pain. It feels like your heart has been torn to shreds, doesn't it? I removed an item that belongs to AXBF from my home yesterday and just broke down sobbing and crying. Whereas normally I get rid of someone's stuff very quickly and all at once, I am being gentle with myself and taking it slow, as I have suffered much loss and have become depressed from it. I am regaining control of my home, slowly but surely.

Here is what has been helping me:

Not sure where I picked up those words, maybe in a George Simon article. I just read it as often as possible to remind myself that the way out of this pain is to continue to actively Pursue things that are in my own best interest.

I feel the exact same way. EXACT same way. Hugs to you.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.

We empathize, and feel your pain.

It may not be much but today I accept that I have the power to act to make my home the way I like it. No, I'm not a very social person so I'm not out doing all kinds of things away from home, but I accept that about myself. When I look at Facebook and all the things people are out doing, I feel bad about myself and wish that I was that way too. But I can choose NOT to look at Facebook and all those pictures of those seemingly happy and healthy people having fun, and focus on that which I know I can control, and that which I can change. ME and my environment.

So, today I am looking at lawn tools that I can handle and that will make my lawn look nice. Today I am doing laundry and cleaning my home. Today I am removing as much as I can from my home that does not bring me pleasure, things that I do not LOVE. Today I am focusing on clearing my house of clutter and sorting through papers that I have been ignoring.

THIS is where I have the power to act today. So THIS is where I am going to devote my time, attention, and emotional energy today. And I know that the more I focus my time, attention, and emotional energy on these things, the LESS I will think about AXBF and all the things about our relationship and what he has done, which I have been obsessing about the last 3.5 months.

Today I focus on what brings ME comfort, what I need, what I want. I hope you all do so today too.

Well said. :) Radical for us good "codies!" ;)

Our minds can multitask only so much. Best to keep our screen full with positive, personal recovery thoughts and to do good things in our lives.

:You_Rock_

I'm so sorry...

I have spent a lot of time in the last few months grieving also, just feeling so sad and depressed that everything ended. But also I know I cannot be in a relationship with someone who is verbally abusive, puts me down, lies to me and puts me second to drinking.

Things do get better with time, I promise you