Old 09-14-2012, 07:21 AM
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Taking back what is mine!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ky
Posts: 277

I starting journaling Tuesday with an app on my phone. I was just writing a little and went to read back through one from the other day. I instantly was filled with this overwhelming anxiety. I'm not sure why, I have a few theories but I'm not certain. I have the same feeling after I post here sometimes too so part of me thinks it is driven by the fear of ABF finding this place or my journal (it is password protected but if he ever happens to find the app in my folders he will flip wanting the password). He is so unstable and it def makes me nervous. As I am thinking I start to wonder if maybe I feel so much aniexty about my notes and postings because they speak my 100% honest truth and the fact that's it written down and available for me to read back through means I can't keep pushing it all back and ignoring them. It validates them and that obviously sends me into panic. I almost feel guilty for having the thoughts and feelings I have, like someone is going to tell me they are wrong. How did I let myself get so twisted up in the mess. .....
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Old 09-14-2012, 07:39 AM
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Iceberg Ahead!
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Keep on doing what you are doing! Becoming aware of, acknowledging, accepting and then letting go of your feelings is critical. Journaling assists in all of that. Anxiety is a normal feeling when we try to do things for ourselves in order to deal. It can be frightening to confront our inner demons, and to stand up for ourselves against the one in front of us - the A. "Codies" are not used to that. Changing makes us feel out-of-sorts, anxious.

Journaling IS a tool recommended by Al-Anon. It is one of the useful tools of many that one must use to heal.

You're on the right track!
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Old 09-14-2012, 12:30 PM
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Reality was not encouraged in my family of origin (being smooth and everything okay was).

When I first started to deal with reality it was incredibly anxiety provoking. I actually considered myself an incredibly anxious person until I got some mirroring done a couple of weeks ago around that. I think I thought that because of how HARD becoming aware truly was for me.

It has gotten better for me. I know it can for you too.
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